Encouragement for Your Marriage: Secret Service

  

Secret Service

I gleaned so much wisdom from Heaven Not Harvard. Her original post is here.

Your heart will be more blessed doing quiet, secret service for your spouse than it ever is by nagging.

But not nagging and asking nicely isn't good enough if you harbor resentment when your request isn't met. It shows your inner grumble.

When you keep scores – I won’t do this for you because you didn’t do that for me, you will feel resentful. Each check mark against your spouse cements a brick in the wall between the two of you in the marriage.

The key is Secret Service - serving without drawing attention to yourself, quietly doing things for your spouse without being asked, without counting scores. It is about humility

Silently the floor is vacuumed, quietly the dishes are done, the laundry is washed and hanged up, silently his/her empty toothpaste tube gets replaced, his/her breakfast is quietly waiting each morning, his/her coffee is made, and even encouraging him/her to have cave time when his/her week has been frustrating.

To be able to serve and love your spouse well, the secret is to see your spouse as a loved creation of God struggling with his/her own imperfections, flaws and hurts.

Don't see your spouse as someone responsible for filling your heart, it could be his/her heart is so empty, he/she could barely function.

As God pours His grace into your heart through His Word, you will be able to be gracious and begin to fill up your spouse's cup out of the overflow of your own heart. 

You will be able to stop feeling resentful and start looking for the next thing you can do for him/her. You will be able to give him/her real attention, listening to his/her needs.

You can serve your spouse secretly, not because you don't want him/her to know, but because you don't need him/her to. God sees what we do in secret.

Once you learn the secret of loving your spouse well, begin your secret service.

Serve with a grateful attitude. As you go about your day, pray over your acts of service to your spouse, saying, "Thank you, Lord, for this opportunity to serve my spouse. Please remind me that all my service is for You ultimately, and is about humility and serving without drawing attention to myself. Thank you, Lord, my spouse is not a soldier deployed in Ukraine."

Pray over his/her day. Pray that his/her day will be enough to face the challenges of whatever he/she is called to do. Pray that his/her heart will be open to see God in his/her day. Pray for him/her to know that I love him/her, and bring him/her home safely.

Choose every day to thank God for those little things that irritate you. You will even be disappointed when he/she remembers to put the dirty laundry into the laundry bin!

Unconditional love is when we serve our spouse without counting the cost or return. Ask God to teach you how to love your spouse unconditionally.

Nothing transforms your marriage more than loving your spouse and expecting nothing in return.

“Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. “Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand knew what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.” (Matthew 6:1-4 ESV)

References:

https://heavennotharvard.com/the-secret-service/

Encouragement for Your Marriage: Be Happy To Be Taken for Granted

 

Be Happy To Be Taken For Granted

Did I hear that correctly? Yes

No one likes to be taken for granted. It is counter-cultural. The world tells us to stand up for our rights, to fight for what is fair and to ask, "What's in it for me?"

It's human nature to want to be appreciated, heard, seen, recognized and respected, and that's nothing wrong with that, but sometimes being taken for granted is not a bad thing. It is a gift. 

Just doing life, your spouse could be weighed down by stress, pressure, pain, frustration and exhaustion, and in the midst of coping, he takes you for granted. 

And we do the same too.

If our spouse takes us for granted, that means that they feel safe to lean on us, and that is a beautiful thing. 

Being taken for granted is actually a sign of growth in marriage. It means you are being relied upon.

Work hard at being happily taken for granted. Quietly, do things for your spouse without being asked, instead of counting scores.

Nothing transforms your marriage more than loving your spouse and not expecting anything in return.

As Heaven Not Harvard wrote, "What a beautiful blessing to be taken for granted. Did I hear that right? Yes. I am thankful that God has reminded me to see being relied upon as a blessing."

Today, celebrate being beautifully taken for granted.

“Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. “Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand knew what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.” (Matthew 6:1-4 ESV)

I gleaned so much wisdom from Heaven Not Harvard. Her original post is here.

References:

https://heavennotharvard.com/beautifully-taken-for-granted/

Wholewheat Spaghetti Carbonara

 

Serves 4

Ingredients:

1. 400g wholewheat spaghetti 

2. 5 eggs or 10 egg yolks

3. 100g guanciale (cured pork cheeks) sliced in long thin size

4. 80g pecorino cheese grated

5. 3.5 litres of water

6. 35g salt

7. Pepper

8. 1 shallot onion chopped (optional)

9. 4 cloves garlic minced (optional)

10. A handful of chopped chives or parsley for garnishing

11. A handful of cheese for garnishing

Directions:

1. In a bowl, beat 5 eggs with pecorino cheese and set aside.

2. Bring a large pot 3.5 litres of water to boil, add 35g salt and cook the pasta al dente for 3 minutes only.

3. Heat a pan, add the guanciale under medium heat, and slowly fry it, because you don't want to burn the guanciale. You want it crispy, but not burned, but tender in the middle. The fat from the meat will turn into oil. Add garlic and onion and fry.

4. When the meat turns golden (but not burned), add the spaghetti into the pan and mix well, then add one ladle of pasta water.

5. Remove from fire and let it cool down a little bit before adding the egg mixture as you don't want the egg to turn into scramble eggs. If necessary, let it cool a little, but it should still be hot. Then add the egg mixture, stir and mix well away from direct heat.

6. If necessary, turn on the fire again under the lowest heat to evaporate the sauce to a desired consistency of the sauce.

7. Serve with sprinkling of grated periconi cheese, black pepper and chopped chives or parsley. Bon appetite :-)

Video Demonstration:

https://youtu.be/AvO8UPbIH30

https://youtu.be/dsg5H2TEQXs

https://youtu.be/3AAdKl1UYZs

Additional Information:

I normally find this dish a little heavy, especially those I have tried in Denmark, but our whole family fell in love with it during our vacation to Rome. It didn't feel so heavy and is actually quite a nutritious meal, with the protein from the egg, especially if you use wholewheat spaghetti (and add a little green salad on the side). The real spaghetti carbonara in Rome does not contain any cream.

We just returned from Italy yesterday, and the kids already missed the trip and spaghetti carbonara already. So I decided to make some today.

This recipe is based on real Roman carbonara. Do not use cream. Real carbonara does not use cream. The sauce is creamy because of the eggs and cheese.

In general, one egg and 100g spaghetti for one person. Then add an extra egg on top. Use 50g guanciale for one person. Two persons, 40g cheese. For every 1 litre of water, add 10g of salt.

Spaghetti is the classic pasta that you use for carbonara as it absorbs the egg better. Avoid using other types of pasta. If you can, chooose spaghettoni, which is a bigger size of spaghetti, as it absorbs the egg better. You can also use rigatoni.

To make carbonara, you use guanciale, which is pork cheeks cured with garlic, sage and rosemary. If you can't find guanciale, use pancetta, which is cured pork belly. If you can't find pancetta, then use bacon, although bacon is smoked, not cured. 

Some Romans use whole eggs, some use only egg yolks. Most chefs nowadays only use the yolk, but there is no reason why you shouldn't use the whole egg.

I fry the meat with garlic and onions though, so it's a little deviation from the classic carbonara.

References:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carbonara

Overnight Rising Wholewheat Bread Rolls with Apple (Koldhaevede Fuldkornsboller)

 

This recipe is adapted from Arla's recipe. The main differences are that I reduced the plain white flour, added more graham flour/wholewheat flour, olive oil, egg, sunflower seeds, flax seeds, chia seeds and honey.

Makes 24 bread rolls

Ingredients:

1. 10g yeast

2. 3 TBS honey

3. 450ml cold fresh milk

4. 300ml buttermilk, natural skyr or natural yogurt 0.1% fat

5. 50ml olive oil

6. 1.5 tsp salt (7.5g)

7. 1 apple grated (aprox. 100g)

8. 1 carrot grated (approx. 75g)

9. 1 egg

10. 200ml sunflower seeds (2 dl) (approx. 120g)

11. 50ml (a handful approx. 30g) flax seeds (optional)

12. 50ml (a handful approx. 30g) chia seeds (optional)

13. 200ml (approx. 60g) oats

14. 200g Graham flour

15. 500g flour

16. Pumpkin seeds as desired for sprinkling on top of the dough (approx. 60-180g as desired) (You can also use oats instead)

Directions:

1. In a big bowl, add yeast, honey and fresh milk and mix well.

2. Add buttermilk (or skyr or natural yogurt), olive oil, egg and salt and mix well.

3. Add Graham flour, grated apples, grated carrot, oats, sunflowers seeds, flax seeds and chia seeds and mix well.

4. Add flour and mix well. The dough should be quite wet and sticky, but hold its form and not runny. 

5. Sprinkle pumpkin seeds as desired on top of the dough, cover and leave it in the fridge overnight.

6. The next morning, pre-heat the oven to 250 degree Celsius with an extra baking tray at the bottom.

7. Use a spoon to scoop the dough and form into buns on a baking tray laid with baking paper.

8. Place the tray into the oven and pour a glass of water into the empty baking tray. Below is a video demonstrating it.

9. Bake for 10-15 minutes until the buns turn golden.

Video Demonstration:

https://youtu.be/ccr-D0o3des

Additional Information:

While white flour bread rolls are tasty, but they are pretty much empty calories void of much nutrients. Our kids can be quite picky at times, thus I wanted their snack/food to be packed with as much nutrients as possible, so that if they only eat the bread rolls without eating any other main course, I will still rest easy. These bread rolls contain protein and calcium from the milk and buttermilk, the vitamin Bs from the egg and fiber from the carrot. The carrot also gives the bread rolls the natural sweetness and helps to make the bread rolls moist. The sunflower seeds, flax seeds and chia seeds are all jam packed with nutrients and good energy source. While the original recipe doesn't call for any oil, adding olive oil enhances the texture and taste, and yet is a good fat source, unlike butter.

The dough should be quite wet and sticky, but hold its form and not runny. In general, if baking using white flour, the ratio of liquid to flour is 1:2. If using wholewheat flour, the liquid to flour ratio is 3:4. You can use grated carrot, squash, etc. instead of apple. If you don't have the time to leave the dough to rise overnight, you can leave it in room temperature to rise for 3-4 hours.

You do not have to use an electric mixer. The dough is very forgiving and can be easily combined using a ladle or spoon. But since I have an electric mixer at home, I am using it.

Hope your children and teenagers will like them as much as mine do :-)

Arla's ingredients are listed below just for my own record:

1. 500g flour

2. 200ml (100g) wholewheat flour

3. 400ml (125g) oats

4. 10g yeast

5. 500ml cold water

6. 300ml natural yogurt

7. 100g carrots grated

8. 1.5 tsp salt

9. 200ml sunflower seeds

References:

https://www.arla.dk/opskrifter/nemme-kernestykker-med-ske/

https://www.valdemarsro.dk/koldhaevede-boller/

https://madenimitliv.dk/2015/08/koldhaevede-boller/

In a large bowl or electric mixer, add 10g of yeast.

Add 3 tablespoons of honey.

Add 50ml of olive oil.

Add 450ml of fresh milk.

Add 1 egg and mix well.

Add 1.5 teaspoon salt.

Weight of 1 apple 112g.

I use my favorite mini-food processor to grate the apple.

Add the grated apple (approx. 100g) into the mixer.

Add 1 carrot grated (approx. 75g).

Add 300ml of buttermilk.

Add 125g of oats.

Add 200 ml of sunflowers seeds (approx. 120g)

Add 200g of Graham flour.

Add 50ml of flaxseeds (optional)

Add 50ml of chia seeds (optional)

Add 450g of flour.

Now it's done :-) The dough should be quite wet and sticky, but hold its form and not runny.

Sprinkle pumpkin seeds as desired on top of the dough (approx. 60-180g as desired)

Cover and store overnight in the fridge.

It has grown into double its size now.

7. Use a spoon to scoop the dough and form into buns on a baking tray laid with baking paper.

Brush it with a bit of egg (optional)

Place the tray into the oven and pour a glass of water into the empty baking tray.

Bake for 10-15 minutes until the buns turn golden.

The bread rolls are done :-)

Let them cool down a little.

Enjoy :-)

Overnight Rising Wholewheat with Carrot Bread Rolls (Koldhaevede Fudkornsboller)

This recipe is adapted from Arla's recipe. The main differences are that I reduced the plain white flour, added more graham flour/whole wheat flour, olive oil, egg, sunflower seeds, flax seeds, chia seeds and honey. 

Makes 24 bread rolls

Ingredients:

1. 10g yeast

2. 3 TBS honey

3. 450ml cold fresh milk

4. 300ml buttermilk, natural skyr or natural yogurt 0.1% fat

5. 50ml olive oil

6. 1.5 tsp salt (7.5g)

7. 1 carrot grated (approx. 75g)

8. 1 egg

9. 200ml sunflower seeds (2 dl) (approx. 120g)

10. 50ml (a handful approx. 30g) flax seeds (optional)

11. 50ml (a handful approx. 30g) chia seeds (optional)

12. 200ml (approx. 60g) oats

13. 200g Graham flour or Olands wholewheat flour (Olands fuldkornshvedemel)

14. 500g flour

15. Pumpkin seeds as desired for sprinkling on top of the dough (approx. 60-180g as desired) (You can also use oats instead)

Directions:

1. In a big bowl, add yeast, honey and fresh milk and mix well.

2. Add buttermilk (or skyr or natural yogurt), olive oil, egg and salt and mix well.

3. Add Grahma flour, carrots, oats, sunflowers seeds, flaxseeds and chia seeds and mix well. 

4. Add flour and mix well. The dough should be quite wet and sticky, but hold its form and not runny. 

5. Sprinkle pumpkin seeds as desired on top of the dough, cover and leave it in the fridge overnight.

6. The next morning, pre-heat the oven to 250 degree Celsius with an extra baking tray at the bottom.

7. Use a spoon and form into buns on a baking tray laid with baking paper.

8. Place in the oven and pour a glass of water into the empty baking tray. Below is a video demonstrating it.

9. Bake for 10-15 minutes until the buns turn golden.

Video Demonstration:

https://youtu.be/ccr-D0o3des

Additional Information:

While white flour bread rolls are tasty, but they are pretty much empty calories void of much nutrients. Our kids can be quite picky at times, thus I wanted their snack/food to be packed with as much nutrients as possible, so that if they only eat the bread rolls without eating any other main course, I will still rest easy. These bread rolls contain protein and calcium from the milk and buttermilk, the vitamin Bs from the egg and fiber from the carrot. The carrot also gives the bread rolls the natural sweetness and helps to make the bread rolls moist. The sunflower seeds, flax seeds and chia seeds are all jam packed with nutrients and good energy source. While the original recipe doesn't call for any oil, adding olive oil enhances the texture and taste, and yet is a good fat source, unlike butter.

The dough should be quite wet and sticky, but hold its form and not runny. In general, if baking using white flour, the ratio of liquid to flour is 1:2. If using wholewheat flour, the liquid to flour ratio is 3:4. You can use grated apple, squash, etc. instead of carrot. I tend to use half a portion of carrot and apple. If you don't have the time to leave the dough to rise overnight, you can leave it in room temperature to rise for 3-4 hours and it will double in size within that time.

You do not have to use an electric mixer. The dough is very forgiving and can be easily combined using a ladle or spoon. But since I have an electric mixer at home, I am using it.

Hope your children and teenagers will like them as much as mine do :-)

Arla's ingredients are listed below just for my own record:

1. 500g flour

2. 200ml (100g) wholewheat flour

3. 400ml (125g) oats

4. 10g yeast

5. 500ml cold water

6. 300ml natural yogurt

7. 100g carrots grated (approx. 1.5 carrots)

8. 1.5 tsp salt

9. 200ml sunflower seeds (approx. 120g)

References:

https://www.arla.dk/opskrifter/nemme-kernestykker-med-ske/

https://www.valdemarsro.dk/koldhaevede-boller/

https://madenimitliv.dk/2015/08/koldhaevede-boller/

In a large bowl or electric mixer, add 10g of yeast.

Add 3 tablespoons of honey.

Add 50ml of olive oil.

Add 500ml of fresh milk.

Add 1 egg and mix well.

Add 1.5 teaspoon salt.

Add 1.5 carrots (grated) 100g.

Add 345ml of buttermilk.

Add 50g of oats.

Add 200g of Graham flour.

Add 450g of flour.

Add 200ml (2 dl) sunflowers seeds

Now it's done :-) The dough should be quite wet and sticky, but hold its form and not runny.

Sprinkle pumpkin seeds as desired on top of the dough, cover and leave it in the fridge overnight.

Cover and place overnight in the fridge.

It has grown into double its size now.

Place in the oven and pour a glass of water into the empty baking tray.

Bake for 10-15 minutes until the buns turn golden.

The buns are done :-)