Learnings from a Tiger Mom

Since I came back from Singapore, I am troubled with an issue, and I haven't quite know how to deal with it.

JN is failing his Maths terribly. I had a talk with him, I went through with him the steps of how he could logically find out the possible reasons why he is failing his Maths so badly. I said that if you could not do even simple Maths, how are you going to survive in your adult life, because Maths is so much a part of our everyday life? My talk with him did not seem to have any effect. On the contrary, it seemed to have the opposite effect. This has been troubling me and making me sad.

This evening, we had an old friend who is in town from Switzerland over for dinner. He had a PhD from Harvard Business School, and is currently a professor at IMD in Switzerland for innovation. In his daily work, he runs programmes for CEOs and Executives on innovation and strategy. He is of Asian origin. Mr. FECS confided in me that his friend was raised by a Tiger Mom from Hong Kong. Since Mr. FECS has always accused me of being a Tiger Mom, he wanted me to hear first hand from his friend, how horrible it was to be raised by a Tiger Mom, hoping that I will learn from others mistakes and repent.

On my part, I am always very interested in learning from other mom's experience in raising up kids and solving the challenges of parenting. So over dinner, we asked our friend, "So how was it like to be raised by a Tiger Mom?"

Ever so open, he shared his experiences. To our surprise, he said that he had always been at the bottom of his class since primary school days and in secondary school - number 38 out of 40. And he never does well for Maths, even until today. His brain is just not wired for Maths.

He shared how his Tiger Mom stuffed his schedule with activities, even during school holidays. He actually appreciated it. It gave him the chance to try out many different exciting things, i.e. playing the keyboard, swimming, cooking classes, summer camp, wood work, mechanic work, language camps, speech and drama, etc. Although he never did well in Maths, nor in school, his mother enabled him to find success in these other non-academic activities. He could play the keyboard, and he was good in swimming. These non-academic successes gave him his self-worth and helped to compensate for his academic "non-performance."

Although his mother was a "Tiger Mom" in the sense of scheduling activities, she did not give him pressure to perform in school. She just let him try out different activities, and to find out things that he like and could do well.

I commented that his parents must be very well-to-do to be able to send him for these extra activities. He said that was not the case. His father was a factory worker. He said that his parents used all the money they had on all these activities for their two children. They had no savings at all as a result. To this day, he was amazed and very grateful at how much his parents were willing to sacrifice for them. I was very touched to hear his story.

I thanked him for sharing his story, and told him that he had unknowingly answered my questions about my nephew JN. I should not try to ask JN to do better in Maths. JN has probably tried his best, and was discouraged by my "encouragement." I had aim to find out JN's strengths and what he likes, but along the way, I have lost sight of it, and have focused instead on exactly the things that he isn't doing so well. He should be given as much opportunities as possible to try out different activities instead.

We are all gifted in different ways. It is alright to do poorly in Maths. In fact to this day, our IMD professor friend is still very bad in Maths. It is alright not to do well in school. We just have to find something that we are good at and have interest in, and life would be enjoyable. I have to remember that.

Thank you God for an answered prayer, and for sending an angel through our friend to tell me, what it was that was puzzling me and troubling me. I know now what are the next steps I can take to truly encourage JN.

To summarize:

1. I need to continue to try to find out the strengths of JN.
2. I do so by trial and error and elimination.
3. I do so by letting him try out different activities and eliminating each activity, until we find out his strengths.

This Mother Tore Off Labels And Nurtured Her Son’s Hidden Genius

What an inspiring mom who never give up on her son, but gave her all and persevered on... A good reminder to all of us whose kids are labelled with autism, ADHD, etc. There is a purpose for every child, we just need to find it and affirm it, instead of trying to change our child.

This is a story of how we can build self-motivation in our child. We need to focus on what they are interested in and nuture that.

I am not very good in following J, in observing and discovering his interests. This book reminds me that I should see what J's interests lies and provide him with opportunities to develop his interests. This will be my prayer request, and I thank God for speaking to me through this book. I also need to pray more ernestly to observe my nephews JN's and R's, and niece C's interests.

I highly recommend this book. It is not so much about nurturing genius, but nurturing a child's to his/her full potential.

http://themotherlist.com/mother-tore-label-nurtured-sons-hidden-genius/

Here are 8 parenting tips from her:

http://www.cravebyrandomhouse.ca/2013/04/03/8-parenting-tips-kristine-barnett/

The book she wrote is available from Amazon:

JN Summary - Growing into a Fine Young Man with a Healthy Self-Esteem

Oh how thankful I am for the progress he has made. JN has a healthy outlook and triving. I no longer sense such a low self-esteem.

I was back in SG and invested some time to have some one-to-one time with JN today. JN came to our hotel. We went to the Gym together and had a swim at the hotel together with J and Daddy. We had sushi at Citylink together. Then JN and I went for a long walk along Marina Bay and MBS, while Daddy went back with J and put J to bed. JN stopped by to try to meet his mom during her work break. I was happy that he made the effort and wanting to see his wife during the break. JN and I sat down at the MBS Singapore river front and chit chat. It was a nice cool evening with the breeze blowing as we sat there.

For the first time, he shared about more deeper things in life - the usual challenges a typical teenager faces. I am very glad to have the privilege of him opening up and sharing to me as a friend. I think that it what all parents hope for when their children is a teenager. JN would be turning 14 years old this year. I hope that J would do the same, when he becomes a teenager.

JN has made much progress in school. He passed all his final secondary 1 exams in 2013 and with better improved grades. He served as volunteer with his teacher Mr. Tan making pine-apple tarts at the Hidding Place (a Christian based organization in Singapore providing shelter to youth on the edge and drug addicts where his form Mr. Tan is volunteering as a teacher and tutor helping these youths with their "O" levels).

JN doing well in school and is doing his homework responsibly without prompting. All these changes are amazing and miraculous considering someone with ADHD, and I thank God for graciously giving us all these fruits. JN's father reported that JN is more matured now, thus confirming my observations.

I am jotting all these down to remember them.

Of course, the work is not complete, and there are still challenges. But dear God, thank you for answering my prayers so far, proving that You are a real, faithful and loving God, wanting the best for us, a God whom we can completely trust.

I will continue to trust God that God will continue to walk with JN, guide him and mold him into a fine young man with character.I

t has been a high price to pay for my going part-time, yet God has rewarded and returned to me much more precious than what money could never buy. Thank you dear God for your blessings.

When doubts set in, when anxiety is near, I will disband it and remember all God's faithfulness in answered prayers such as this. Thank you God. When facing discouragements and disappointments in life that brings me low, I want to remember all these things that I am thankful for.

JN Summary - Passed ALL His Exams!!!

JN wrote me an email saying that he had good news to tell me last week, and waiting eagerly for my weekly call to Singapore. I had not been able to call for 2 weeks since I was on business trip and vacation in New York.

I phoned him last Friday and he told me that he had passed ALL his Secondary 1 NT exams - English, Maths, Science and Chinese!!! He failed all his subjects during the mid-year, and that was the news I received, when he visited us in Copenhagen. I didn't have any high hopes, except that he would do his best. We will love him unconditionally.

Whenever we have some time between sight-seeing and resting, I have introduced him to Khan Academy (www.khanacademy.com) and he practised his Maths.

So what a pleasant surprise to hear that he had passed all his exams and came in second in English in his class. This has given him much more confidence, and I really congratulate him for his hard work. It also gave him the confidence that he could reign in his ADHD as he grows older, and perhaps this is a sign that the ADHD is diminishing.

He will be joing half of his class to switch to Normal Academic Maths from the current Normal Technical Maths.

I asked him what made the difference, and he told me it is a mixture of having good teachers, tutors and his own efforts (and I believe that Khan Academy helped too). My gratefulness to his teacher Mr. Tan and his Maths relief teacher for their hard work in providing remedial classes after school. These are the things I truly appreciate about Singapore - having teachers who care. (Mr. Tan also offers tuition and classes for those who came out of prisons in Singapore, providing them a second chance to take their GCE "O" levels exams.)

I told JN that it was really well done that he did well for his exams, but that his self-esteem should also not depend on academic work, otherwise, his life will be a yoyo, going up and down according to his grades. God loves him (full-stop). And I also took the time to teach that one should not neglect character development. Character development is the most important, above everything else. JN listened in.

Talking about character development, this is also one of the reasons I am going part-time. I am so lacking in it. I am reading the "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" and really trying to form good habits, with God's help. I realize that I could not do things with my own strength - the spirit is willing, but the flesh is soooooo weak! At times, I feel discouraged, but I have to pick myself up and try again. At times, I feel I am such a lousy mother, but I have to forgive myself and try again.

I wish I could do more for JN from afar... but God is faithful. In moments of my discouragement, God showed me that He is in control. He has helped JN to do well for his exams - which was really a miracle, considering how badly he performed during his mid-year exams.

This is a thanks-giving to God. How unworthy I am (I tend to look at black spots and get discouraged), yet how kind and compassionate He is. He enables JN to have self-motivation even as JN battles against ADHD. He enables J to have self-motivation for practising the piano and practising penmanship. He enabled J to be super patient with us, as we did a whole day of shopping at Woodberry in New York. Most of all, God has seen my father through a successful heart operation and even kept his kidney functioning (doctor said there was a high chance that after the op, kidney dialysis would be required), but this did not have to take place. All the miracles, how I thank and praise our God.

Life is never fair, and full of ups and downs, but in the midst of pains, discouragements and struggles, God gave so many many blessings along the way to cheer me up. I don't deserve it, and I am truly truly thankful.

God helps me to stay faithful in my weekly phone call to JN. No matter no insignificant my efforts are, any fruits are in God's hand. I just need to be faithful.

To create conversation topics, I sent JN the book "7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens" to spur him on character development. I have been trying to practise the "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" and "7 Habits of Highly Effective Marriage" after attending a workshop sent by our boss from my workplace. Not one who is eloquent and good in talking and counselling, I can only rely on God and His mercy and loving-kindness and pray that God will help me in the months ahead. Here is the book:

I have also bought this book for myself, and going part-time will allow me to read more books. I have so much to learn, and even more that I need to learn to do into practise - practise, practise, practise:

Mere Presence is Good Enough

My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.

(1 Corinthians 2:4-5)

I phone JN from afar, from Denmark. Sometimes I don't know what to say and I don't have good advice to give. Does it help at all? Being long distance, I don't have the pulse on things. Is it at all possible to nurture a relationship? Am I attempting the crazy and the impossible? Am I wasting my time? Will I be giving up half of my job to pursue something which is futile? But JN says, "姑姑, please call me every week."

God taught me through this writing, "Loving a Child Through the Challenges of Life," that mere presence is good enough. I don't need to do more.

God is saying, "My child, you don't need to do more. All you need to do is to faithfully call. You don't need words, eloquence or wisdom. Just faithfully call JN. The work is mine, and the glory is mine. Your mere presence to JN is the weekly call."

I now have a deeper and personal understanding of 1 Corinthians 2:4-5 and 1 Corinthians 1:17.  I don't need to have the right words. The work is God, the work is the Holy Spirit. I don't need to take the burden. I just need to set aside time, put aside what I am doing and faithfully phone JN. The presence. That's the love I need to show. That's good enough.

For Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel—not with wisdom and eloquence, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power.

(1 Corinthians 1:17)

When people say that I am attempting the crazy, and wasting my time. Let them laugh. I take courage. I no longer feel stupid, I no longer feel naive in attempting such parenting from afar. My heart is flooded with a quiet assurance. I may not succeed, but love cannot be measured by success. No matter how JN turns out in his adulthood, I will love him as best as I can as God enables me.

 

Thank you, God. I know my decision is the right one. (And I thank my Significant Other for assuring me of this decision and making this decision together as a family). When I feel discouraged, I will turn to this journal and this special moment with God, that I have jotted down with tears and gratefulness.
 

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
(Matthew 19:26)

JN Summary - Performance at the Singapore's 48th National Day Parade 2013

This year, JN's school was selected along with another school to perform in the Combined School Choir item at the Singapore's 48th National Day Parade 2013. The item he performed can be watched at around 0:09:40 - 0:10:45 secs from the youtube video. All the children performing were dressed in red and white. There were so many children and JN couldn't be identified in the video. I thank God that he has this chance to perform, because I believed that deep down, it meant a lot to him. It was after many Saturdays of practice that he put in to perform for his country.

In my posts on ADHD, we learned about the importance of compensating and building competence to buid self-esteem, and I am sure that this will be a positive step in building his self-esteem. A copy of the video is saved here as a memory.

As I watched the video, I too pray that in a competitive Singapore, a country which has nothing but human resources, and thus where achievements are hailed as the only way to self-worth of the individuals, that Singapore will succeed in its 2013 vision of being a more inclusive society - that everyone counts. Acceptance on the basis of the fact that we are citizens, not on the basis of our narrowly-defined intelligence.

JN, 姑姑 although could not be personally there to see you perform, 姑姑 was cheering for you all the way here from Denmark. 姑姑 is so proud of you. Thank you for the kind person who uploaded the full video, enabling me to celebrate my country's National Day from afar.

A Reminder to Ourselves Why Our Family Have Chosen What We Have Chosen

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I am writing down to remind ourselves why we are choosing what we will be choosing for the sake of J and JN, so that...

when days of discouragement come,
when our direction is clouded with doubts,
when temptation strikes,
when the going gets tough... and we forget why we have chosen what we have chosen...

I will take this journal out and remember why we have chosen what we have chosen, helping us to remain steadfast in our decision.

1. The Urgency to Be There

The risks are high, but there is still hope for JN. But someone needs to provide the moral support and comfort. No one else will care enough to make the necessary investment. The urgency is now and it requires time. My heart aches as I read into the possible pyschological effects such children face. The hardship is further aggravated by ADHD. Here are quotes from various sources:

"The neglectful parent doesn't express much love and also doesn't really care enough to discipline. Their children tend to grow up with little or no lasting relationship with Mom or Dad. They're estranged because they feel forsaken. The parents' neglect may not necessarily be intentional — they may simply be in the midst of their own traumas and chaos, and consumed by their needs so much that they ignore or neglect the needs of their children. They don't purposely desire to neglect their kids, but they don't know how to deal with their own issues adequately and don't have the tools to be healthy parents.

Children with neglectful parents also have difficulty in school. Neglectful parents often shift the responsibility of monitoring the education of the child to another child in the family or the school system. As a result, when these children struggle in school, there is no parental guidance to get them the help that they need.

The result of these types of experiences can be devastating. These children are likely to feel alone, empty, and timid. Such a person is more prone to promiscuity, fear of failure and weariness toward life. They will find it more difficult to handle feelings of insecurity and withstand unhealthy peer pressure. They may experience trouble forming healthy relationships. Because they do not receive the necessary love from their parents, they often struggle to develop appropriate social skills with others, which lead them to loneliness. As a result, they often end up alone or in difficult marriages. Since their emotional needs were not met, they continue to seek to have their own needs met. This seeking can lead to the person becoming a neglectful parent themselves.

These children grow up with unbelievably deep emotional scars, and their only hope is to find Christ. The good news is not all children end up this way. There are some intervening factors that can prove helpful. One factor is if the child encounters healthy adults who are genuinely interested in their growth and are willing to serve as godly role models."

2. Building Competence

Many books talk about the importance of building competence one of the ways to building self-esteem, especially for children with ADHD. To do this, it spells TIME. It takes time to help a child discover his strengths and to develop a skill to compensate. Again no one else will care enough to make the necessary investment.

3. I Chose to be There. Full Stop.

The success or failure of this investment will not be a determinant factor of our decision. I chose to avail myself to JN. We chose to make this investment. It doesn't matter if it hadn't turn out well. The determinant is to provide a mentor for JN. And the most important thing is that at least I have tried and given my best. We shall not look back with regrets.

4. Closing Window of Opportunity

We had a meeting with J's kindergarten's principal. She brought up a very good point, that the window of opportunity is closing. J will be entering primary school in two years and JN will be a full-fledge teenager. If mom is to have any influence, it is when the child is young, and are looking up to parents. When the child enters school, his worldview will be pointed outwards, and parents will become more and more uncool to hang out with. If it is only to be the most important few years, it will be now. Kids grow up at lightning speed. Once missed, we will miss it forever.

5. Trilingualism Path

In our family, we have chosen the trilingualism path for J. I spoke with a colleague who is trilingual. How did her mom do it? Were there any trade offs and sacrifice? She told me that she attended language classes on weekends. Since her mom was working full time, she sacrificed her weekends (while her husband worked a lot). So, no one can do it all. Daddy and I are not willing to give up our weekends. Counting only waking time, J is experiencing Danish 10 hours a day, which is 70% of the time, leaving the remaining 30% for Chinese and English. Without a sufficient amount of time for interacting in Chinese and English, our trilingual path would not fly. It is important for me to have more time with J so that he is experiencing a higher percentage of his wake time with Chinese and English.

6. Making Memories

I choose to be the one to chauffeur J around to his activities, because I want to be the one in his childhood memory, when he grows up. We could have easily employed a nanny, but I won't be making the memories, because I am not there. I want to be there for his activities to cheer for him; to pick him up, when he falls; to encourage him, when he is down; to lend a shoulder, even if there are no words that I can offer. Kids grow up at lightning speed. Once missed, we will miss it forever.

7. The Importance of Reserved Time

On days when I feel that I haven't been so efficient and productive, that I haven't achieved much, but have wasted precious time, I will remember the importance of reserve time, and remind myself why we have chosen to make this decision.

8. Self-Discipline

I am easily consumed and absorbed by my job. I don't have the self-discipline not to place my job above everything else, and it can become an idol. As such, it will be better if I take the decision to scale down.

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Hope & Encouragement for ADHD Parents and Children

Many well-meaning friends told me that I should not play God to attempt to help in something that I do not have the ability, but to take care of myself and my family, and not give up on my career, which I appreciate and am truly touched.

But I cannot give up this work. Yes, he is only my nephew and yes, I am not the parent and I don't have to give myself this responsibility. No, I am not Mother Theresa and far from being able to be so selfless like her, who give up her life for others. Yet I cannot let my nephew grow up all alone in this world, rejected by people, giving up hope even on himself. I cannot do that with my open eyes. He is my nephew.

No, I am not playing God, but I am working alongside with God, drawing on God's strength, comfort and help.

No, I am not playing God, but praying to God, and it draws me closer to God, knowing how small and powerless I am. Yet, our God is a powerful God.

Yes, my family is a priority and I will do my utmost to take good care of it, both J and Daddy, my two most beloved in my life. I will learn to take better care of myself and my health. However, there are price to be paid elsewhere, and I have to count the cost in other areas.

I cannot do this alone. I am very grateful that my family is a source of great support and comfort to me. I am very grateful to my employer for their kindness towards me.

I quote Dr. James Dobson who quoted from Time Magazine 1994 which is still relevant today:

"The psychological injuries are great (if the spirit of ADHD children are crushed). By ages five to seven, says Dr. Russell Barkley, author of Taking Charge of ADHD, half to two-thirds are hostile and defiant. By ages 10 to 12, they run the risk of developing what psychologists call "conduct disorder" - lying, stealing, running away from home and ultimately getting into trouble with the law. As adults, says Barley, 25 percent to 30 percent will experience subtance-abuse problems, mostly with depresssants like marijuana and alcohol. One study of hyperactive boys found that 40 percent had been arrested at least once by age 18."

The above should not serve to discourage us. But it means that we should really prioritize and realize the urgency and importance. It means that we should give attention to the care of children with ADHD. With loving and firm parenting, with proper care and support, they can grow up to be useful members of the society.

If you are a parent struggling with ADHD, there is hope. ADHD doesn't have to be a hopeless handicap, if we can learn to manage it, and if we can learn to teach our children to manage it. It requires a lot of patience. And we go and knee at the feet of our Lord Jesus to ask for patience. God does give it to us, and it is renewed every day - daily. When we fail, we get forgiveness and try again next day. But never never give up on your ADHD child.

The book "Why ADHD Doesn't Mean Disaster" written by Dr. Walt Larimore, Mrs. Diane Passno and Dr. Dennis Swanberg are well-qualified authors to tell us how to live successfully with the "disorder" and to explain how we can turn it into an asset, instead of wallowing in self-pity and despondent.

Dr. Swanberg and his son both suffered from ADHD, yet Dr. Swanberg managed to become a doctor. Mrs. Diane Passno has a daughter who has ADHD, but she has graduated with a degree in engineering.

It doesn't mean that JN has to be a doctor or graduate from engineering to be considered as successful, but it does means that there is hope to live with ADHD.

I quote Dr. James Dobson who quoted Dr. Paul Elliott, M.D. from the book:

"In my opinion, the ADD brain structure is not truly an abnormality. In fact, I believe a very good case can be made that it is not only normal, though in the minority, but may well be a superior brain structure. However, the talents of the person with ADD brain structure are not those rewarded by our society in its current stage of development."

You can find this book from Amazon and may it encourage you:

Books with Biblical Perspective on Handling ADHD

Parenting J and JN has taken a toll on my health, yet how can I leave JN alone in this world to struggle and grow up on his own, while I just focus on my own family? I cannot give up on this work.

As JN grows up to be a 13 year old boy, I began to keenly understand the risk of his well-being and personally understood the words from Focus on Family and others below:

"These young people without proper parental and medical care, can easily become defeated - first academically, then emotionally, socially and spiritually. with prayer and proper care, these specially gifted kids can have academic success. They can discover who God created them to be and find what He has in store for them. God can and does use ADHD in His particular and peculiar plan for your child's life."

I have written a post before about listing down the strengths of your child with ADHD. Yet, we tend to focus on correcting the child's behavior such as fidgeting for example, because "struggles inherent to ADHD of social skill deficits and poor peer relationships are among the strongest predictors of poor social adjustment..." (Guevremont & Dumas, 1994; Hoza, Mrug, Gerdes, Hinshaw, Bukowski, 2005) and we forget to focus on the positive traits behind those behaviors.

A lot can be done simply by being there to encourage, but it is not always easy. It requires emotional strength and resources. I am thankful to the understanding and support that Daddy has been providing me. JN is a teachable boy. It brings me to my knees and give all the burdens to God. It requires understanding. God is a gentle and compassionate God. We can learn a lot how to deal with children with ADHD with patience and wisdom from God. We need to pray to God for wisdom and patience, which is vital and should be an integrated method of handing ADHD.

I am reading up more about the biblical perspective on ADHD and how to help these children.

Below are some Christian-based resources on ADHD:

http://adhd.weebly.com/index.html
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/parenting_challenges/adhd/how_to_help_an_adhd_child.aspx
http://www.everydaychristianity.com/articles/family-life-articles/parenting/a-christians-guide-to-add-and-adhd/

Here are some books providing a biblical perspective on handling ADHD:

Biblical Books on Building Self-Esteem in Your Children

As I come to understand the needs of my nephew JN, I come to realize the importance of building self-esteem in children - this is a much more important parenting goal as parents, guardians of children and teachers.

I have focused a lot on academic, on Montessori, on fun and educational activities - all well and good, and I am not about to give up on those yet.

But it is so important, and perhaps even more important, to focus on life skills. One of the most important is having a healthy self-esteem.

My goal is to bring up emotionally whole and healthy children. I think the basic ingredient is to have a healthy self-esteem - not thinking too highly of oneself, neither thinking too lowly of oneself.

Yet, I don't know how to start, nor where to begin... searching on blogs have so far not yield good results. But it is an urgent need.

Since I was young, I have been a book person, and God has taught me so much of His wisdom through the books He brought along my path. (In fact, growing up in a Chinese-speaking family and struggling with English in school, I mastered my English proficiency by reading the Bible. It hasn't had the same results for my Danish though.)

Now as a parent, I am turning to books again on this difficult task of building self-esteem of children. The road ahead is winding and bumpy. I will no doubt fail again. But I will hope in the Lord to make progress one step at a time.

The question is how am I going to find time? We all need to do the right things and not just do things right. But I know that the Lord will provide as I learn to entrust my life challenges to Him, quietening down myself to enter into His presence and seek Him.

It is such a privilege to be a parent, the hardest career I ever will have. Yet time is moving so fast. I sense the urgency of it. I am going to give my very best shot. And I pray that you too will find joy and fulfillment in being the best parent you can be.

Here are the books that I hope to be digging into:

JN Summary - Tea Time with JN and J

I agree very much with Madelyn Swift, the author of "Discipline for Life: One Step At A Time":

"Nothing is more important or meaningful than bringing up emotionally whole and healthy, happy children."

And this is what I aspire to do. This is what I am trying to do. Yet it can be emotionally challenging to nurture children from dysfunctional homes, to earn their trust, to be allowed into their worlds and to draw them out. And the older the child is, the more difficult and uphill the task. They have a very fragile heart.

My heart bleeds as I see my nephews and nieces going through it. I feel for them, as I feel generation pains repeating itself in the next generation. All that I am today, I would not be here, if not for Jesus. It is a whole testimony by itself, which I will not share here. But our God is a great and mighty God. I will commit them into my prayers. As God allows me to experience this, my heart goes out to the orphans. They are alone in this world, trying to figure out life on their own... oh God, You must feel for them.

Back in 2011, I wrote in one of my posts about Conversation Starters with children. I tried to use that in Singapore, we sat at a restaurant, but it didn't quite succeed.

More prayers are needed... I should not give up.

I tried to bring up the Conversation Starters, when we went for a walk, but it didn't quite succeed.

More prayers are needed... I should not give up.

JN is here to visit me. I took out my Conversation Starters again.

We went for a walk at the lake. I got to draw JN out a little. But the progress was slow.

More prayers are needed... I should not give up.

We tried to find somewhere to sit down in the cruise ship, but it didn't quite succeed. Mostly one-liners answer, actually, more yes, no reply.

More prayers are needed... I should not give up.

I cried for my nephews and nieces. I cried to God for them. Something happened when you seek God ernestly.

I had wanted to have tea time with JN. It was J who initiated it today.

I had this idea of trying out a game with the list of conversation starters. I told JN, we each get to ask the other person a question. It proceeded on very comfortably. JN started to come up with the rules of the game: The one who cannot answers would have to climb the stairs 10 times. I can do that. It is good exercise. It breaks the ice.

We had a great time. I got to know JN better. I didn't get one-liners answers. It was also interesting to hear his replies. I got to know him better. I got to know his environment better. I got to know his friends in the new school better. I got to know that his passion and the areas that he would like to explore as career options are Chef and Designer. As I have guessed, he would not like to work in an office (and I have showed him my office).

It is not exactly heart-to-heart talk, but we are coming closer. And I am sowing the seeds to win the trust.

I thank God for His help. It is a thanksgiving and a testimony to His faithfulness. The problems and challenges ahead are tremendous, and I am not talking about the ADHD part. But there is nothing impossible for God. God allows it, He will use it for His glory.

But I am such an imperfect person and ill-equipped for parenting and raising emotionally whole and healthy children. How do we raise emotionally whole and healthy children? How can we do it when we are so broken ourselves? Yet, it is God who made us whole. And thus we can go forth to raise emotionally whole and healthy children, with the confidence that God provides. It is not with our own strength, least we boast. But it is with the strength of God, and to God's glory.

I am tired, but I know God will enable me. I will continue to pray. Yet, our hope is in God, that He will continue to use imperfect people like us, and through it all, help us to grow too as a person.

And to J, thanks for initiating the tea time today.

I want to share with you this very good book that I am reading. It contains a lot of wisdom and is biblical. I will continue to pray, and take active steps to read and apply what I learn.

As Magdelene Swift puts it, "We are touching lives" and we are touching lives one step at a time. It is important that we take it with a great dose of sense of humor. It is important that we take it seriously. It is important that we do it well, albeit one step at a time, as what we are doing has an eternal impact on a life.

The Bible tells us in Jeremiah 29:11:

“ “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” ”

Updates 23 June 2013:
We had a break through late tonight. JN came to me to ask me what my job is like. He also asked me about BGR. It caught me by surprise. I had not been good with my answers and advice. More prayers needed. God, I need Your wisdom. 24 June 2013, we really connected heart-to-heart. I found words to express myself. He found words to express himself. As we talked we cried, all the pains he is going through. He cried. I cried for him. No words were needed.

JN Summary - Celebrating JN's Progress

Although JN's value is not determined by accomplishment, I also want to recognize his efforts and progress.

I am so proud of JN, for all the efforts that he is making, the progress he is reaching and the successes he is achieving...

1. JN took the initiative to make his own bed.

2. JN took the initiative to do Maths exercises without prompting from me.

3. JN developed the good habits of doing Khan Academy everyday and got a good habit badge.

4. JN was very sweet to J.

5. JN suggested himself to cook a dish for us - stir-fried carrot with eggs (I have taken a picture).

6. JN has made vast improvement in his hand-writing since a year ago, and I am very pleasantly surprised that both his English letters and Chinese characters are very neat.

7. JN tried to keep things neat and tidy and has made good improvement in organization skills.

8. JN has taken the self-discipline to cut down on playing computer games and watching TV (it is probably easier since all the programs are in Danish)

9. JN has been faithfully taken on the task of fetching J back from the kindergarten.

10. JN was very kind to J and took care of him like an older brother.

11. JN helped to carry ma's luggages without complaining.

12. JN helped to wash J's granny's car and J's granny was very pleased with it.

13. A parent of the kindergarten commended JN for being a good and responsible boy and for playing well with the children there.

And JN, you should know that God is very proud of you too.

Suitable Jobs for People with ADHD

Two days ago, I attended a very interesting career workshop conducted at my workplace. We live in a changing world, and we need to keep up-to-date and adapt. We were given practical tips on what we can do to advance our career. To quote the one thing that I took away from the career workshop:

"Luck is preparation meets opportunity."

According to the speaker, preparation for job interview takes place years earlier, and not just before the interview. Preparation in terms of getting the progressive education and experience needed towards the job. How true. We are advised to prepare ourselves well so that we are ready when opportunity comes. We are very fortunate and privileged to have the opportunity to attend career workshop, to have these resources well-organized and available for us to help us succeed.

As I sat in the career workshop, I could not help, but think of my nephew who is struggling with ADHD. ADHD is characterized by restlessness, an inability to focus, disorganization - all the things which may prevent a person from getting and holding on to a job. To give JN the credit, compared to a year ago, when I went to Singapore to help provide a structure and routine to his day, JN has actually improved in his organization skills. And a peaceful home environment would help in his organization skills development.

What can he do to make a living when he grows up? What kind of career options could he explore? I can't help but worry, and yet we should not worry. Instead, we should just be proactive. Each one will find his way, but as I can, I will lend a helping hand. The career workshop actually helped me to help my nephew to find his passion. It takes of course trial and error to find out, and it is a good time to start now.

The career workshop led me to think hard and to research more into the type of career options that would be suitable for people with ADHD, that my nephew could explore and prepare himself as he grows up into an adult:

1. Salespeople
2. Entrepreneur
3. Photographer
4. Tour guíde
5. IT Helpdesk
6. Web designer
7. High-intensity working environments such as emergency department of the hospital
8. Logistics specialist
9. Nurse
10. Chef
11. High-intensity logistics & Humanitarian relief operations
12. UN volunteer
13. Technical jobs requiring field installation and repair of high-tech equipment
14. Mechanic
15. QA Inspector
16. Fitness instructor
17. Sportsman
18. Camp counselor
19. Counselling and ministerial jobs
20. Scientific exploration
21. Scientific exploration
22. Advertising
23. Entertainers
24. Designer
25. Architect
26. Musician
27. Artist
28. Detective
29. Hair-dresser
30. Police officers
31. Firefighter
32. Civil Defence
33. Taxi driver

I believe that everyone has one's own special talent and there is a place for everyone. We just need to find the right fit and prepare children with ADHD for the future, as much as we can, and for the rest, we leave it in the loving hands of our God.

No, I am not sorry that my nephew is born to struggle with ADHD. God has a special purpose for him. Having someone in the near family struggling with this helps me to accept differences people in a more heart-felt way. It helps me to understand that the naturally strong organization talent that I have is not something that comes easily for others, that some people actually struggle so hard with it. It teaches me to be patient with people. It also helps me to be a better manager at work, to be more tolerant.

God created my nephew special and God created all of us special. Despite the social challenge, we are thankful for ADHD. There is a purpose for it. We just need to live out each of our life's purpose.

I hope J would grow up to be tolerant of different people too. I thank God for the "ADHD" blessing.

This actually gives JN and me another conversation topics that we can talk about :-)

References:
http://www.spark.org.sg/faq/faq_28.html
http://www.careercast.com/adult-adhd-career-success
http://www.healthline.com/health-slideshow/10-best-jobs-for-adhd
http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1497.html
http://voices.yahoo.com/good-jobs-adults-attention-deficit-disorder-496989.html?cat=25
http://www.everydayhealth.com/adhd-pictures/best-careers-for-adults-with-adhd-0316.aspx#/slide-1
http://www.unv.org/how-to-volunteer/other-volunteer-opportunities.html
http://www.unv.org/en/how-to-volunteer/register-to-be-a-un-volunteer/qualifications-and-conditions-of-service.html
http://www.worldvolunteerweb.org/
http://www.unv.org/fileadmin/docdb/pdf/2013/corporate/Professional_background_in_demand_.pdf
http://www.help4adhd.org/en/living/relandsoc/WWK15

Hurray....

Hurray... my nephew, J, who battled ADHD passed his PSLE exams!!! He could go to NA (Normal Academic stream in secondary school in Singapore)!!! I am ELATED!!! This is a miracle, but also showed his efforts. I am soooooo proud of him!!!

Montessori Activity: Playing Hide-&-Seek with the Stop-Watch (3D)

Idea adapted from the book "Phonemic Awareness in Young Children"

Age: From 2.5 years old

Objective(s):
1. To stimulate the development of phonemic awareness in children.
2. To further train your child's ability to focus their attention on specific sounds of interest.
3. To develop the child's ability to concentrate and focus.

Materials:
1. Ticking clock, alarm clock or stop-watch
2. Blind fold (optional)

Directions:
1. Show the child the stop-watch, start it and let him be familiarize with the sound.

2. Stop the watch and tell your child that he should cover his eyes, while you are going to hide the stop-watch.

3. While your child's eyes are covered, find a hiding place for the stop-watch and start it.

4. Ask your child to open his eyes, listen very carefully and try to locate the stop-watch.

5. During the search, everyone must be as quiet as possible.

Tips:

For younger child or child who is not so sensitive to stop-watch, try hiding a musical box until the child is familiar with this game. Then re-introduce the stop-watch.

Additional Information:
It takes discipline to introduce language activities to Joshua. I haven't been that discipline and consistent with it, as I find the Maths activities more fun and interesting to implement. But I will persevere on. This is quite an easy activity to do, so I will try to do this tomorrow.

Actually, I believe this activity would be also good for children with ADHD, to train their concentration skill.

I highly recommend this book "Phonemic Awareness in Young Children" by Marilyn Jager Adams et al from Amazon. It provides a very organized approach to teaching language, which I like:

Montessori Activity: Transferring Beans by Tweezers

Age: From 3 years old

Activity Duration: 5-15 minutes

Preparation Time: 3 minutes

Objectives:

1. To refine the child’s fine motor skills with precision training.
2. To teach the concept of squeeze and release.
3. To teach sorting.
4. To teach the concept of more or less
5. To teach counting.
6. To develop the child's patience, perseverance and concentration skills

Materials:

1. 1 plate containing a handful of three different types of beans such as black beans, mung beans and soy beans

2. 3 different color containers for sorting the black beans, mung beans and soy beans

3. 1 pair of tweezers

4. 1 Tray

Directions:

1. Demonstrate by transferring the bean one-by-one from the plate into the respective container.

2. Encourage your child to try.

3. During the activity, take the opportunity to talk about the colors of the beans, the size of the beans, count the beans as they are being placed in the container, talk about which container contains the most beans.

Additional Information:

J (3Y0M27D) tried this activity for the first time this evening 1 April 2012. I wasn't sure if he was ready for such work in precision. J was attracted to the cute containers that I bought, and asked to put things inside it. I took the opportunity to try out this activity. He could do it well. It was also training his patience. It took a long time, as there were so many beans. The next time we do this activity, I should not put so many beans on the plate/cover. J did well in terms of perseverance, but he could do better. He completed all the black beans, because he wanted me to use it to make him black bean soup, which I promised him. It was a long time ago, since I made black bean soup. The last time was when he was 1.5 or 2 years old. I am touched that he could remember it and asked for it.

For precision training, use adult tweezers. Introduce this activity when your child has tried transferring bigger items and with easier equipment such as tongs. This activity is very good for training patience, perseverance and concentration skills, all of which are qualities required to get your child ready for school.

This activity would also be suitable to train and improve concentration skills in children with ADHD, because it is very structured, simple and not overwhelming and requires concentration from the child. But take it slowly and don't give up. Day-by-day, physical concentration activities would slowly develop the underdeveloped part of the brain of children with ADHD, helping it to be more and more developed. I wished wished wished I had tried this my nephew 10 years ago, sigh with sadness.

Although I am using cute containers here, it is not necessary to get fanciful containers, and don't let it prevent you from introducing this activity, if you don't have them. You can still be very effective at introducing this activity with free materials such as saving the take-away containers the next time you eat out at food courts, food containers, bowls, plates, etc. house hold items easily found at home. You can also substitute the tweezers with chopsticks, eyebrow tweezers, etc. from your home. This activity can be as cheap or as expensive as you make it out to be. However, if you are like me, who has a soft spot for cute Japanese containers, and don't know where to find them, you can get them from Amazon's links below. You can also get the adult tweezers from Amazon:

http://amzn.to/26ER0Td

Three Bear Family

Many children are attracted to teddy bears. Thus, these bears are fantastic tools for helping children to learn about colors, both naming and sorting, counting and many other Maths activities in a fun way. They are value for money, because they are suitable for a wide range of age groups and grow with the child. It is good to sit with your child and teach him what to do with the bears before you leave him with this toy. You can get them from Amazon:

Here are some fun and educational ways you can use the bears:

Fine motor skill training - pincer grasp (From 1 year old)

If your child is not ready for sorting or counting, simply letting your child play with the bears by picking up the bears, getting the bears to stand upright, is good practice for fine motor skills because of their small size.

Warning: Not for toddlers who are still mouthing.

Montessori Activity (From 1.5 year old)

When your child could pick up the bear by hand, you can increase the challenge by letting him pick up each bear with a tong.

Teach colours and sorting (From 1.5 year old)

You can talk about the colour of the bears with your child. You can place all the bears in a bowl, and ask your child to sort them by colour into each cup with the same colour.
Teach size (From 1.5 year old)

You can talk about the sizes, which one is Daddy Bear, Mommy Bear and Baby Bear.

Counting (From 2 years old)

Ask your child, for example, to get you 5 blue bears. Get him to count them, as he gets you the bear.

Talk to your child about the total number of bears (50), and that there are ten bears in each of the five colors. When cleaning up, count the bears as you put them away

For older children, when cleaning up, you can ask your child to put them into the plastic bag by colour and ask him how many there are each time each bag is completed. For example, say, "Now there are 10. Now there are 20. Now there are 30.

Props for trucks (From 2 years old)

Our Little FECS loves to use them as "cement" in his cement mixer truck.  

Language (Playing I Spy) (From 2.5 years old)

You can use them to work on your child's language skills (both expressive and receptive). For example, you can put the bears around the house and then say, "I see a bear on top of the table!" And your child has to go and find them. You can use them to work on workds like "beneath", "between", "inside", "in", "under", "near", "over", etc. Your child will have fun hunting down the bears based on your instructions all around the house.

When sorting, they work on numeracy words like "few" "many" "most" "all" "some" and "none." For example, ask your child to put a "few" in the cup, or to find "all" the bears and put them on the plate.

You can discuss the similarities and differences with the bears.

Patterning (From 3 years old)

You can make patterns with the bears together with your child.

Weighing (From 3.5 years old)

You can put the bears on a scale and weigh them. Ask your child how many baby bears equals the weight of one papa bear?

Counters to Teach Maths (From 4 years old)

You can use the bears as counters for Maths to teach addition and subtraction, multiplication and division.

Obstacle Course (For ADHD children)

According to a review in Amazon, you can make obstacle course with a loop of climbing through things, jumping over pillows, running down the hallway, etc. in which you put 10 bears in a cup at the beginning of the course and an empty cup at the end of the course to collect the bears as he takes one through each round. You can set up the cups all over the biggest room of your home and have your child running around the house to sort the bears into the appropriate cup.

How to Teach ADHD Children Concentration?

Researchers recognize that ADHD doesn’t impair the ability to pay attention, but rather the ability to control what one pays attention to. ADHD children have to work harder than most children to focus on one thing at a time, but it is not impossible to learn concentration skills given the right strategies. According to SPARK, some ADHD / ADD children will have extremely good attention span for things that interest him and they overcome their attention problem by hyper-focusing on the activities they are interested in. The good news is that modern research is showing that ADHD symptoms can be managed and controlled using the right strategies.

After putting in place the basics, training the support team, spending time with my nephew face-to-face and gaining an understanding the needs of my ADHD nephew, my mission continues on back home in Copenhagen. I am now working on finding ways to help him concentrate and develop longer attention span.

I read somewhere that concentration is an activity like any other. Clearly the more we practice, the better our concentration will become. We wouldn’t expect to be a strong runner without doing some training. Similarly, concentration is like a muscle, the more we exercise the stronger it becomes. There are specific concentration exercises we can do, such as focusing on a small point of an object; but life itself presents innumerable opportunities to sharpen your concentration. The key is to always take opportunities to heighten our powers of concentration.

We can train longer attention span and concentration by doing the following which are compiled wholesale from my research:

1. Training the Concentration "Muscles"

Having poor concentration skill is like having weak muscles. ADHD children have very weak concentration "muscles" that are very difficult to develop. As with muscles, frequent use will result in stronger muscles (while over-use may result in muscle damage).

According to SPARK, it is possible to train the concentration "muscles" and develop longer attention span by slowly increasing the period of lesson/homework from 15 minutes to 20, 25, 30, 35, 40, 45 minutes, with 5-15 minutes breaks in between.

2. Making Lesson/Homework Fun & Interesting

According to SPARK, the ADHD child's interests often do not include homework and academic classes unless these are intrinsically stimulating enough to cross his higher threshold of need to “feel alive”. However, creating homework and lessons that are intrinsically stimulating are not easy and this is the challenge the teacher/parent has to address.

My Swedish colleague, Julia (much thanks to her), who introduced me to Khan Academy www.khanacademy.org, an on-line education "school" started by supported by Gates Foundation that offers free on-line lessons on maths, science, etc. It has a library of over 2,600 videos covering everything from arithmetic to physics, finance, and history and 303 practice exercises. The child can learn what he wants, when he wants it and at his own pace.

Here is a testimony to Khan Academy from a student from Singapore:

"Hi my name is Paesan and I'm a second year student in the University of Western Australia (UWA) majoring in Physics and Maths. I was originally from Singapore where I spent the first 15 years of my life failing school, day after day I would not understand a word the teacher was saying as they said, "you must remember this or you won't get a job in your future." and every year I would fail school. When I was 14, I started failing pretty badly and fell into a world of drug addiction. When I was 15, my drug addiction got so intense that it affected my grades so badly that I had to be held back a grade in my high school in Singapore. Finally in January 2008 (the year I was 16), my parents decided to move to Perth in Western Australia. They had me enrolled in a private school where within 8 months I was expelled for fighting and drugs. At the end of that ordeal and closely evading arrest, they had be enroll in a local public school where I was faced with the worst problem of my entire life. The final exam of high school that determines if you go to University or not was coming, and I had no idea what to do as I never listened in class since I was 13. All I could do was expand a bracket and that was it, no factorizing, solving an equation or doing trigonometry. I first met the Khan Academy in 2007 where I stumbled on his videos on Complex Numbers on YouTube. I had a whole load of heavy weight subjects like Literature, Physics, Advanced Maths, Chemistry and Biology. Everyday when I came home from school, it would be a 4pm - 10pm study session driven by my own fears. With 5 years of work to catch up on and only Khan Academy helping me, it was a grueling experience. I failed every test and exam that year, thankfully none of those tests and exams contribute to your final University determination grade. I struggled through the Khan Academy playlists on Basic Algebra, Trigonometry, Physics, Chemistry and Biology before moving on to the "higher level" things like Calculus and Differential Equations. Thanks to Salman Khan for quitting his day job as a Hedge-fund Analyst, he has allowed a drug addict whom the public would look down upon to persevere through his A levels and come out on the other side with a result good enough to get into Western Australia's best University. I hope and pray that the Khan Academy will expand to do subjects like Modern Physics and Maths topics like Topology, Differential Geometry and so on. In any case, I thank you Salman Khan, and the effort you have put into the Khan Academy. You've opened doors for us that we would have never been able to unlock alone."

3. Highlight Key Points

According to SPARK, teach the ADHD/ADD child how to use highlighters (circle key words, underline text, draw connecting lines, draw vertical guiding lines, cancellations etc) and summaries (lists, notes) effectively.

Highlight key words in the instructions on worksheets to help the child with ADHD focus on the directions. Prepare the worksheet before the lesson begins, or underline key words as you and the child read the directions together. When reading, show children how to identify and highlight a key sentence, or have them write it on a separate piece of paper, before asking for a summary of the entire book. In Math, show children how to underline the important facts and operations; in “Mary has two apples, and John has three,” underline “two,” “and,” and “three.”

4. Play Attention-boosting Games to Develop Attention Skills

To help your child develop attention skills, encourage activities like games, blocks, puzzles, and reading. Below is a list of games. Find one that would interest your child:

4.1 LEGO

One of the best toys for training concentration, if your child is interested, is LEGO. It builds concentration skills, when the child learns to follow the manual. It builds spatial skills when the child builds 3-dimensional models. I have seen kids with ADHD being very absorbed when they play with LEGO. So encourage your child to play with LEGO.

4.2 Crossword Puzzles and Picture Puzzles

According to Empowering Parents, crossword puzzles and picture puzzles are games which improve attention for words and sequencing ability, while picture puzzles—in which your younger child has to look for things that are “wrong” in the picture or look for hard-to-find objects—also improve attention and concentration.

4.3 Memory and Simon Game

According to Empowering Parents, children’s games such as Memory or Simon are great ideas for improving memory and concentration. They are quick and fun. Memory motivates the child to remember the location of picture squares and Simon helps them memorize sequences of visual and auditory stimuli. Through repeated playing, brain circuits are “exercised” and challenged, which strengthens connections and thus improves function. Also, there are some free computer games on the internet that also improve concentration or memory such as Memory and Mosquito Killer. For older children and adolescents, check out the cognitive exercises provided by Lumosity.

4.4 Coin Game

According to Empowering Parents, another way is to play the Coin Game. This game improves memory and sequencing as well as attention and concentration, and kids enjoy it because it’s fast-paced and fun. First, you will need a small pile of assorted coins, a cardboard sheet to cover them, and a stopwatch (or a regular watch with a second hand.) Choose five of the coins from the pile (for this example, we’ll say three pennies and two nickels) and put them into a sequence. Now, tell your child to “Look carefully at the coins arranged on the table.” Then, cover the coins with the cardboard. Start the stopwatch, and then ask them to make the same pattern using the coins from the pile. When they are finished, mark the time with the stopwatch and remove the cardboard cover. Write down the time it took them to complete the pattern and whether or not they were correct. If they didn’t complete it correctly, have them keep trying until they can do it. You can increase the difficulty of the patterns as you go, and include pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters, and half dollars. You’ll see your child’s concentration and sequencing improve the more they play, which is a great reward for both of you.

4.5 Champion Distractor Game

According to Additude, in a game called Champion Distractor, one player focuses on completing a task, while the other tries to distract him. To win the game, a player needs to be a good Distractor, and must be able to avoid being distracted.

As you do all of these “brain exercises,” you should work together with your child serving as his or her “coach.” Provide them with encouragement and track their progress as they improve. This is a win/win solution, because it also strengthens the relationship you have with your child.

4.6 Board Games such as Chess and Checkers

According to http://www.ehow.com/list_5958084_concentration-activities-youth.html, board games that require concentrated thought might be one of the better ways of working on a young person's ability to concentrate. Instead of forcing them to work on a problem, you are simply encouraging them to have fun. Kids love to play games, and they must focus their concentration on the rules and how to proceed through a game. Games such as chess and checkers are good options for building concentration if the child is interested, but any game that he is able to understand and enjoy by following a set of rules should help develop his ability to concentrate.

4.7 A Round of Tongue Twisters

According to
http://lifestyle.iloveindia.com/lounge/improve-concentration-activities-for-3294.html,
While they enhance the clarity of your voice, with each word spoken clearly, they also improve your concentration. This is because it requires a lot of attention to speak them out clearly. 

5. Use the Beeper System to Stay on the Task

According to http://www.brighthub.com/education/special/articles/93691.aspx, you can use a beeper system to help the child stay on the task. So how would you use the beeper management system to get an ADHD student to stay on task? Start by setting a schedule with the student. Say for example your student has trouble completing an assignment in a set amount of time. First, discuss with the student how much time she has for the assignment. When you are programming the beeper, it will go off at certain intervals to remind the student to stay on task. Figure out at what time the student needs to be reminded. Does she get distracted after five minutes or 10 minutes? Some of the beeper systems have particular messages that you can choose as the reminders. Explain to the student that when the beeper goes off with a reminder, she should check if she is staying on track. Make a note if the student becomes distracted way before the beeper goes off. If it is set to go off every 10 minutes and she becomes distracted much earlier, you may need to set the beeper for lower intervals. As the student's attention gets better, try lengthening the intervals. If the student is able to stay on task, provide a reward as positive reinforcement — talk to the student about a reward she would like if she can stay on task. If the student is still having problems, talk to her about what is working and what is not working with the beeper management system.

6. Teach Self-monitoring

According to Additude, you can help your child become aware of the things that distract her. With time and practice, she’ll get to know what being distracted feels like, and will recognize when her attention is drifting. ADDers benefit from positive affirmations, such as “I will pay attention to my work.” Teach your child to repeat these to encourage herself to keep going. Concentration takes a lot of energy for kids with ADD. A five-minute break every 20 minutes helps them recharge.

7. Allow Your Child to Fidget

According to Carol's Web Corner, she used to assume that when she was speaking to my son, if he turned upside down in his seat or began to grab frantically at imaginary flies, then he MUST not be listening. Wrong. Not only is he listening, if she required that he sit perfectly still and look at her intently while she spoke, he most certainly could not listen. In fact, he might implode. He NEEDS to be moving while listening.

8. Music

According to SPARK, background music also helps to improve the attention span of the ADHD / ADD child (although it may be distracting for some people); Music keeps the right active/creative brain occupied, while the left brain focus on detailed and analytical work which requires attention

9. Physical Activity Outdoors

A hyperactive child feels driven to keep some part of his body moving all the time, so let him do it! Physical activities are essential to your child's well-being and also help his brain "normalize" in a way that allows him to focus, remain calm, and stay on task.
According to SPARK, heavy physical activities / exercises also help improve concentration but this last for only about 2 hours (one ADD adult attained his PhD through 3 1-hour exercises each day!). Regular healthy outdoor exercise is always beneficial to the well being of any child and could be particularly helpful for the ADHD child who experiences problems getting to sleep.

According to Additude, recent studies link time spent outside, especially in natural environments, with improved concentration. Try to give your child time to play outdoors before she sits down to do homework.

10. Relaxation

According to SPARK, teach your ADHD/ADD child how to relax (e.g. through progressive relaxation techniques, meditation, music, praise and worship to God, etc.). These also help to improve concentration and attention span.

11. Sleep

According to Helpguide.org and SPARK, insufficient sleep can make anyone less attentive, but it can be highly detrimental for children with ADD/ADHD. Kids with ADD/ADHD need at least as much sleep as their unaffected peers, but tend not to get what they need. Their attention problems can lead to overstimulation and trouble falling asleep. A consistent, early bedtime is the most helpful strategy to combat this problem, but it may not completely solve it. Adequate sleep is another factor that may helps to increase the attention span.

Many parents of ADHD children say their kids also benefit from a daily quiet time, even after they've stopped napping. This can be an hour or so for resting or reading. After school is usually a great time for this. During this time, make the room off-limits to others, draw the curtains, keep lights low, and try to keep noise down. Light background music can be soothing, but make sure the TV isn't blaring from the room next door.

References:
http://www.empoweringparents.com/Five-Simple-Brain-Exercise-Activities-for-Your-ADHD-Child.php
http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1032.html
http://www.teachervision.fen.com/add-and-adhd/teaching-methods/5829.html?detoured=1
http://www.westfieldacademy.org/adhd/
http://helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_parenting_strategies.htm
http://www.ldrc.ca/contents/view_article/213/
http://www2.ed.gov/rschstat/research/pubs/adhd/adhd-teaching-2006.pdf
http://www.ldonline.org/article/8797/
http://www.ehow.com/how_7867582_teach-math-adhd-children.html
http://www.spark.org.sg/faq/faq_5.html
http://www.khanacademy.org
http://www.brighthub.com/education/special/topics/adhd.aspx
http://www.brighthub.com/education/special/articles/93691.aspx
http://www.kidsgoals.com/concentrate.shtml
http://www.educational-psychologist.co.uk/sen-information/treating-adhd-without-medication/
http://www.sensible-math-education.com/improving-concentration-for-preschoolers.html
http://www.sensible-math-education.com/improving-concentration-for-teens.html
http://lifestyle.iloveindia.com/lounge/improve-concentration-activities-for-3294.html