J Summary (6Y7M13D) - Playing Chant Arab Once More...

Instead of moving to a new piece of song, we agreed that he should try to play Chant Arab again. At the piano recital yesterday, Our Little FECS tried again to play Chant Arab, and this time around he has made progress :-) Playing in front of a live audience can be rather unnerving. I am glad that he didn't give up :-) That's the most important.

P.S. Btw, learning to play the piano is very good character training and development for kids. The Chinese parents tend to choose music like playing the piano or violin, and the Danish parents tend to choose sports like playing the football, just some interesting cultural differences, but they are equally good :-)

J Summary (6Y6M23D) - Learning from Set Backs from Piano Recitals

Our Little FECS was playing Chant Arab. In the middle of it, he got confused. He tried again and again, without succeeding. His teacher came forward to help him, and he went on to complete the song.

What is most important is not to be afraid of failure, and not to give up. It is in failure that you learn the most. If you continue and try again, and does not give up, you will succeed, and the success will be even sweeter. This is what we want to teach him.

Although he was very brave, and kept his composure, he did come crying to us after that, because he was disappointed he did not play a perfect piece. That was when we used the teachable moment God gave us to tell him that what is most important is to be brave and keep trying without giving up. And he had done that. It is more precious than success and playing a perfect tune.

This is what I love about his piano classes. Every month, the kids have to perform in front of group of "audience" - mainly parents of all the kids. Here they learn to overcome their fears, their stage fright, their failure and try again :-) They get inspired by other kids. They learn to spur each other on.

Updates 17 November 2015

Instead of moving to a new piece of song, we agreed that he should try to play Chant Arab again. At the piano recital yesterday, Our Little FECS tried again to play Chant Arab, and this time around he has made progress :-) Playing in front of a live audience can be rather unnerving. I am glad that he didn't give up :-) That's the most important.

https://youtu.be/uKDrbAjR944

How to Teach Children Respect for Nature?

According to the book "Let the Child Come Along the Virtuous Way" based on the series Growing Kids God's Way, we need to teach our children respect for nature and the below is a summary of what I have learned.

Why should we respect nature?

Don't just say for example, “No, J, do not pluck the flowers in the park.” It is very important to explain the reason why behind our instructions, so that they understand. Explain the reasons why we should respect nature:

1. Nature was created by God
2. Man’s duty to be a steward of creation
3. Preciousness of others

Elaboration of each reason as follows:

1. Nature was created by God

Although the objects of nature do not possess the same essence as man, nature, like man, has inherent value as a result of the creation process. God treats His creation with integrity and if God treats His creation with integrity, so should man. We find the value of creation in the source of creation, God Himself.

2. Man’s duty to be a steward of creation

God instructed Adam to take care of the garden and to take dominion over it (Genesis 1:28). This implies protecting and nurturing it, functioning as a gardener and preserving it. The earth is everyone’s garden.

3. Preciousness of others

Respect nature is respecting others. We should have consideration for others who come behind us or before us. That's why we should not litter even biodegrable waste, because although it will decay and put nutrients back into the soil, others have the right to enjoy the beauty of nature without the ugliness of your garbage. Aesthetic appreciation for natural beauty is the moral consideration.

How can we teach children respect for nature?

By teaching and training children:
1. Not to litter biodegrable litter
2. Not to fidget and sweep the plants along the pedestrian path with their hands
3. Not to trample flower beds
4. Not to pluck flowers in the park
5. Not to strip branches of their leaves for a momentary mindless sensation.

You can read more from the book:

Additional Information:

My own personal journal.

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How to Teach Your Child Respect for Property?

We need to teach our children respect for property. Instead of simply saying no, do not do this and that, and expect obedience, it is very important to explain to our children the moral reason why behind our instructions. Children are more willing to obey if they know the reasoning behind it.

Why should we respect property?

We should take the time to explain that it is because the Bible teaches us to esteem the preciousness of others, to respect others and their property:

Philippians 2:3 tells us to esteem and regard others higher than ourselves.
Titus 3: 2 instructs us to be courteous to all men.

How to teach and train children respect for property?

By teaching and training from young as follows according to the book "Let the Child Come Along the Virtuous Way" based on the series Growing Kids God's Way:

1. Start from home
2. Respect property when visiting friends
3. Respect public property
4. Purchasing labor
5. Duty labor

Elaboration of each point as follows:

1. Start from home – the living room:

As your children become increasingly mobile, set boundaries for both their well-being as well as respect for property. Certain household items should be off limits such as television knobs, remote control, stereo buttons, etc.)

2. Respect property when visiting friends by teaching your children

a. Not to rearrange their living room claiming that the items are too much temptation for our children.
b. Not to explore bedrooms, open cabinets, refrigerators or drawers.
c. Not to climb on furniture.
d. Not to jump on sofa or beds.
e. Not to carry their cat, slinging it from its neck.
f. Not to play behind the curtains.
g. Not to let your children throw another child’s toy

3. Respect public property by teaching your child

a. Not to toss your gum wrapper or gum others’ property regardless the condition of the place. And public property does not belong to you.
b. Not to litter.
c. When you finish your shopping, return the shopping cart to the appropriate place. Why? We should not leave our shopping cart squeezed between two cars because when we drive off, we have no control over that cart. The wind may blow it out into the roadway or into another car.

4. Purchasing labor

In order to truly respect the property of another, a person must understand the relationship between labor and value. Labor defines value. How to teach that? By renumerating labor that the child does for purchasing something specific for himself.

a. The child that labors to earn money to purchase a bike for himself will have a greater appreciation for its value than the child that receives it as a gift.
b. Do not confuse purchasing labor (which is to benefit self) with duty labor (which is to benefit the whole team).
c. This type of labor gives real value to money. Such an experience prepares children to be wise money-managers. Their understanding of the value of a dollar or 100 dollars as a result of their labors forced a greater appreciation of their own toys, personal possessions as well as the property of others.

5. Duty labor

a. Duty labor is not done for money, but to help the family team. Everyone does something in support of the family.
b. Examples of duty labors are setting the table, washing the car, feeding the dog, folding the clothes, etc. Here is the book Let the Children Come Along the Virtuous Way by Ezzo & Ezzo:

How Do You Teach Your Child To Be Sensitive to the Feelings of Others?

JN and J helping to wash the car at the summer house when we had more time while on vacation...
Of course, it took Daddy longer than usual.
But it is important learning that we need to spend the time to teach.

Does your child respond sensitively to the feelings of others?

According to the book "Let the Child Come Along the Virtuous Way" based on the series Growing Kids God's Way, here are the barometers:

1. When your child's neighbor is thirsty, will your child offer him a drink?
2. When your child's neighbor is hungry, will he give of his food?
3. When your child's neighbor is alone, will he give of his friendship?
4. When there is a new child in class, will your child be warm and friendly to him, showing caring and compassionate gesture?
5. How in-touch is your child to the feelings, hurts, pains and needs of other children?

How do you instill a consideration for otherness in your child so that he/she responds sensitively toward the feelings of his peers?

Three ways:

According to the author Ezzo & Ezzo, there are 3 ways:

1. By parental example and instruction in the formation of proper habits.

2. By placing your child in an environment that will encourage service to others, for example family-care household chores

3. By encouraging your children

1. By parental example and instruction in the formation of proper habits

What about ourselves? How do we measure up against these barometers? Are we setting good parental example, one that is genuine?

We need to work on setting a good parental example. We are all fallen creatures and we need God's help in our own character building. Things will come our way that frustrate and agitate us, and we need to deal with them in a good manner. Just this morning, we already had an encounter.

In cultivating a servant's attitude, my family and I have a lot to learn. I am ashamed to admit that I am the selfish one. We need to set a good parental example, but we are not there yet. But looking forward, we will do our best to set a good example. One of the best thing of having a child is that it helps us to continue on working on refining our character, since we want to set a good example. We need God's wisdom and grace. We need God's forgiveness. We need our children's forgiveness for not setting a good example at times. We need to forgive ourselves, and forgetting behind, and looking forward to try again until it becomes our second nature.

2. By placing your child in an environment that will encourage service to others

According to the book, include your children in the experience of serving others daily. It may seem overwhelming, but we can take comfort that we can start from the home.

How can this be done?

The author teaches that we can include our children to whatever extent possible given their age, in helping to secure the welfare of your family.

I quote from the book:

"Researchers from Toronto, Canada and from Macquarie University in Australia studied children from families who were given daily chores and those who were not. Their research pointed toward some interesting conclusions.

Children who performed household chores showed more compassion for their siblings and other family members than children who did not share in family responsibility. Even more interesting was teh fact that not all chores are equal. The kids who did family-care chores like setting table, feeding the cat or bringing in firewood, showed more concern for the welfre of others than children who had only self-care responsibilities, such as making their own bed and handing up their own clothes.

Such research validates the obvious. Whenever children participate in the care of others, they grow sensitive to human need."

What are some suitable family-care household chores?

Here are some examples of 10 suitable chores:

1. Setting or clearing the table.
2. Helping with the weeding of the garden.
3. Helping to water the plants.
4. Helping to prune the plants.
5. Helping to hang the laundry.
6. Helping to fold the clothes.
7. Helping to wash the family car.
8. Helping to feed the family dog or cat.
9. Bringing firewood in every day after school.
10. Helping to bring the garbage out.

3. By encouraging your children

Sibling relationships are the first peer relationships most children will know.

For examples:

1. Encourage them to be happy when something wonderful happens to a sibling or friend, such as when one receives an award, wins a board game or has an opportunity that the others do not have.

2. When it is one child’s birthday, the siblings do not need to receive a gift too. That only robs the birthday child of his special day. It teaches the siblings to selfishly look forward to a day of gifts rather than a day of celebrating the birth of a friend or a sibling. The children will receive a gift – each one on their own birthday.
I quote the author:

"Children by nature, can be tje cruelest members of any society. But children whose hearts are properly shaped can be vessels of honor used by God, bringing mercy to those who know no mercy and grace to those who know no grace.

To have your son or daughter reach out to another child for no other reason than the love of kindess brings God's confirmation to the heart. In that moment, your child's kindness touches the throne of God because his actions please God."

In so doing, we are actually teaching our children to cultivate a servant's attitude to be like Christ.

The Bible says to us in the following verses. Incorporate these Bible verses when teaching and encouraing your children, and yourselves.

Leviticus 19:18 instructs, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."
Philippians 2:3 tells us to esteem and regard others higher than ourselves.
Colossians 3:13 instructs us to be, “Forbearing with one another.”
Romans 12:9 says, “In honor giving preference to one another.”
Romans 13:8 instructs, “Love one another.”
Titus 3: 2 instructs us to be courteous to all men.

Lesson I take away from the above

J in general is a generous, kind and gracious boy. Yesterday, we got compliments from a friend for his good behavior - for not running around, holding mommy's hands on the pedestrian path, eating quietly at the restaurant. But the compliment brought a little guilt as I felt that I have actually slowly been neglecting this area. Unknowing to my friend and myself, we might have already reached a peak and on our way on a downward slid in this area. We have started out well for the first three years of J's life. But life's priorities creep in (work, academic pursuits, swimming class, piano class, sports,  Sunday School, travels, leisure activities, etc. etc.) and as J gets older and has more capability for academic work (Maths, Science, geography, Chinese class, English class, etc. etc.), we can all more and more activities start fighting for our time and attention and we have not been so sensitive towards the character development of this area.

In managing work and family life, we have outsourced many things in order to free up time for the family. We have outsourced cleaning to helper and cooking to restaurants/take away places. We go on relaxed vacation when we are not working. They are all well and good, but it has given us much less opportunities to practice the family-care chores. These chores have values on their own, and we might have ironically teach self-centredness in our children in the process of outsourcing these chores.

J doesn't need to do much to care for the family, since we outsource so much of them. I see my nephews and nieces in Singapore. Practically all family-care household chores are outsourced to lived-in domestic maids. Instead of helping, they have someone at their call to do everything for them. Our family needs to re-analyze the balance in this area.

If you are a SAHM, you are blessed, because without outsourcing all these chores, you are in the best placed position to help your children. Don't look at the double-income household who have the extras for vacation and outsourcing the chores and discount those housework and your presence at work with the children.

For me, aside from academic, these are the lessons on character building that I should spend effort and time on. I am still learning to strike a balance, and prayerfully I will gain the wisdom to strike a balance. For what is the gain of academic achievements of J, if J is not sensitive to the feelings of others?

It does not mean that the academic pursuits are not valuable on its own and should be abandoned, but that character building also requires time and effort and should not be relegated to the last place. It may be best not to have the highest grade in the whole class, if it takes all the time in the academic pursuits to reach there, but to have time to teach character building.

I feel hypocritical to write such a post. I have to admit that I have not mastered it yet. Our family has not mastered it yet. I wrote this post to teach myself. As we attempt to teach it to our children J and JN and also the children we come into contact with at Sunday School, we need to work on ourselves in setting a good example. I am working on myself. We are working on ourselves. We hope that you will be patient with us and forgive us, as we take steps forward and yet stumble backwards at times, when we make mistakes, when we fall back to showing inconsideration to others time again and again, be it judging others or not showing grace to others, as God compassionately and gently leads us back to His path.

Here is the book Let the Children Come Along the Virtuous Way by Ezzo & Ezzo:

Wisdom From Other Blogs: The Pain of Discipline

Although it is true that we should choose our battle wisely, the opposite is also true and I quote from Ingspirations:

"Sometimes, the easier way out is to close an eye on misbehaviours and give in. But real love does not allow us to do that. After each episode of discipline (especially with Isaac lately), I always ask myself or my husband, “Have we done the right thing?”

How true! I can so identify with it!

You can read the her full post here:

http://ingspirations.com/2010/03/19/the-pain-of-discipline/

What Produces Self-Motivation?

What is self-motivation?

Ever seen a baby so self-motivated to learn to walk? I have experienced it with J. What a joy it was.

This is usually lost by the time the child is 4 years old, especially in developed and affluence countries like Singapore and Denmark. I am afraid that I am seeing this happening in J too.

There is a lot of western theories on how to encourage self-motivation amongst are:

1. Child-led (Montessori concept)
2. Give your child freedom to decide
3. Do not make it too orderly and structured
4. Do not teach your child anything too soon, before he or she shows interest

I have seen a lot of real life examples, but I don't think that it really encourages self-motivation, at least not in the programme featuring the Danish students - out of a class of 25, only 2-3 students are self-motivated. The rest chose to play, come late and disrupt classes.

Another case in point, the experimental Hellerup Skole set up approx. 10 years ago is characterized by freedom and the lack of partitions has one of the lowest grade in the wealthy county in Denmark.

My Chinese friend in DK attributed to her teaching her daughter, A, too soon to write, and that she has lost interest, when the Danish kindergarten finally start. But I think it is mainly due to her lack of expectations.

I have written a post on the Chinese Education System.

What impressed me the most is not the discipline and the order, but the amount of self-motivation the whole class of Chinese students showed. The whole class of them.

Are they characterized by being child-led? No.

Freedom to come and go to class? No

The students not taught too many things too soon? No, in fact, it is a total opposite. Loads of curriculum cramped into a year's work, especially Maths.

So what produces self-motivation?

Maturity perhaps.

The class of Chinese students came across as very matured and sensible.

What produces maturity?

It leads me thinking...

It is hardship... I think

Maria Montessori achieved great success with "The Children House". But let us not forget - the children she had probably had a great deal of self-motivation already. What they lacked were resources, and she came and she gave it to them. The children in Maria Montessori's Children House were the poor, the less privileged, neglected by the society. In other words, these children had experienced for themselves tremendous hardship. When Maria Montessori came, they were hungry for all the knowledge, learning and activities that she was ready to impart.

How did Singapore reach the level of affluence it is today?

It was once a poor country poorer than the poorest African countries in the 1960s.

Our pioneers must have developed a lot of self-motivation through all the hardship they experienced first-hand that matured them. Some Many sadly did not survive under such extreme hardship. (The success of Singapore was also bought with a high price - human price).

Perhaps life in Denmark and Singapore are too good and soft now... Comforters, sweets, cakes, Nintendo, iPad, all come free and easy and is an everyday affair.

I think I might try something to encourage self-motivation in J.

And I think here is what making J soft and lacking self-motivation compared to the Chinese kids... we travel in style (relatively speaking), in comfortable hotels with nice bathroom, in cars, in planes. We eat in restaurants. We shopped for the latest gadgets... because we ourselves as parents have become soft. These things come easy to J, without him having to earn a penny for it.

I have to convince Daddy to forego the luxury... and myself too.

We are thinking of going to Australia for our next trip. But I will now make a priority to discuss with Daddy to change plan to visit Africa and China instead to see the amount of hardship people face there.

I will try to enrol him into a "hardship"camp with other children less fortunate than him.

Easy Colouring Activity

Age: From 3 years old

While waiting for me to prepare breakfast, if I remember, I will try to occupy Joshua with colouring activity, so that the time is not wasted in waiting.

According to the book, On Becoming Preschoolwise, colouring is a good activity to train Joshua's character development in patience and perseverance, and I agree. But it is not always an easy task, and can be an uphill task sometimes. It requires consistency and determination from parents, but I will try my best.

Colouring is also a good activity for preschooler to practise pencil grip and control, which is a pre-requisite skill to writing.

If your child doesn't like colouring, you can try this.

What to Do If Your Child Does Not Like to Do Colouring?

Colouring is an important pre-schooler's activity, as it helps them to practise pencil grip and control. It is precusory to learning to write. It also teaches patience and determination. The book "On Becoming Pre-Schoolwise" by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam wrote that colouring and puzzles are some activities that would teach a child attention span and concentration skills, which are very important skills, when starting school. And it has to be developed from young.

Recently, I am vexed that Joshua doesn't seemed to be taking any interest in colouring activity. I have been trying to find ways to encourage him, and today I have made some head way. I hope it will continue, and I will add to this post more strategies on what to do, if your child does not like colouring.

Here are some ways that worked for me:

1. Start Bedtime Routine Earlier

Start the bedtime routine earlier, so that it leaves you enough time to squeeze in colouring activity, before your child goes to bed. Most children would not want to go to bed and sleep. So I will give Joshua a choice - Do you want to sleep now or do just one more page of colouring. Given the choice of going to bed and colouring, he would choose colouring anytime.

2. Use Oil Pastels

I gave Joshua colour pencils and wax crayons, but he didn't like it. The colours were too bland and not rich. He lost interest. Actually I lost interest too. Joshua never did complete his colouring. Below is one such incomplete work.

Then I remember that when I was a child, I used oil pastels to paint, and I really enjoyed it. Thus, I bought this for Joshua from Singapore. I tried it today, and it was an instant hit. For the first time, he completed colouring his sheet (of course, the fact that I timed it just before bedtime helped).

This is what he coloured today. I started him off by helping him to colour the mother duck. Joshua (2Y11M24D) coloured the duckings, the water, the grass and the flowers. It was the first time, that he actually completed colouring the whole picture!

Joshua clearly prefers oil pastels to wax crayons or colour pencils. Oil pastels' colours are much more vivid and blendable. It has inspired Joshua to sit and colour. I highly recommend it, if you want to encourage your child to enjoy colouring activity. You can also buy it from Amazon below:

3. Do Colouring Yourself

Lead by example. Initially, I was simply giving instructions to Joshua, "Joshua, please colour this. You should colour here, etc." This is because I wanted him to be independent and do things himself.

It suddenly don on me that maybe, I should start doing it myself, and hopefully it would inspire him. So today, I started by first colouring the mother duck with the oil pastels. In the process, I wanted to teach Joshua that colouring can be fun, and that it gives great satisfaction to see your completed work. It seemed to have worked. When I handled the oil pastels to him, he began to colour it with more attention and care.

4. Discipline

The book "On Becoming Pre-Schoolwise" by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam recommends that if your child is not happy about doing a proper job by colouring a sheet properly, but simply scribble the picture in 30 seconds and jumping on to the next picture or activity, give him back a new sheet with the same picture and ask him to colour it nicely. Set the timer to 5 minutes, and tell him that he cannot leave, even if he has completed the work. He has to sit there until the timer goes. After a few rounds of repeated sheet, he would know that he won't be able to get away. The child would then sit down and take the time to colour properly. I tried this method with my 4 year old nephew in Singapore and it worked. Upon giving him back the sheet with the same picture to colour again, he did a perfect and beautiful job, colouring the picture fully and within the lines.

5. Pray

Lastly and most importantly, I always believe that you can have a plan, but pray hard to God to change the heart of your child from the inside. You must do your part to encourage and pray and ask God to do His part too. Pray also for wisdom from God to find strategies that would work for your child. Pray also for patience and His peace to surround you. I have been praying for a week, and today, I had a break-through with colouring with Joshua.