Practical Life Skills - House Chores

 

In Singapore, no one (well, almost no one) does house chores. There isn't time for it. Homework from school is too heavy. Weekends are filled to the brim with enrichment classes. Mums and Dads are working past 7-9pm, way too tired to do anything. Everyone (well, almost everyone) relies on lived-in domestic helpers. So long as our neighboring countries are still developing, domestic maids are affordably within reach. But our neighbors will not stay developing forever. Such labor will remain scarce one day. Of course, one could argue that when that time comes, we will be using robots to help us with house chores :-)

I grew up without lifting a finger (not that we have a maid, but my mum did everything). Because growing up in a traditional Chinese family, my mum said that only girls need to do housework, boys don't need to. So I rebelled, and I rebelled big time.

Besides not learning how to cook, I also regretted big time not learning practical life skills such as doing house chores. And yes, even though Our Little FECS is a boy, I am determined that he will learn to do house chores, and don't repeat my footsteps.

Fortunately, homework from school is light (if not non-existence) in Denmark. So he will have the time to do house chores.

And fortunately, Mr. FECS is a pro, when it comes to this department. He used to be a professional cleaner at the hospital. I love the Danish culture. I love how educated people here are more than willing to roll-up their sleeves and do such "low" level tasks deemed so by the society in Asia.

I am determined that Our Little FECS will learn that. Actually, every practical lesson with Our Little FECS costs us a bomb. It costs me half my pay check, because I chose to work half-time to have the time to coach Our Little FECS in this area. And I don't know how much longer I can hold on to my half-time...

To be honest, it is a struggle for me. So I am learning along-side Our Little FECS. But whatever I can't do well (for example, cleaning the toilet, Mr. FECS steps in for me to teach Our Little FECS). No, we haven't started that yet.

I think doing house chores builds up empathy in kids and teaches them responsibility. Thus, it is a very important character building tool.

15 March 2014 (6Y0M10D): Loading the washing machine

 

 

 

6 November 2015 (6Y7M1D): Emptying the washing-machine

6 November 2015 (6Y7M1D): Hanging up laundry

6 November 2015 (6Y7M1D): Cleaning the sink

J Summary (5Y0M10D) - Doing Laundry for Real for the First Time

At this age of 5, J loves to help with household chores. He (5Y0M10D) was doing the laundry for the first time. He was very excited to put the detergent into the washing machine, closing the door and turning on the button. We wonder how long the novelty will last. But for now, we are enjoying it :-)

 

 

 

How to Teach the Value of Money to Your Child?

I wrote in an earlier post that wealth can make the job of raising normal and well-adjusted children more difficult. Wealth contains the seeds of its own destruction, but scarcity can be a great motivator.

How can we help our children to understand the value of money and have empathy for others? I think two words sum it all up:

Service and Giving 

Here are some practical ways to counter that and to teach your child how to live wisely and moderately:

1. Work

Let your child earn money by working. The children's bonus system is one way, whereby your child gets to earn pocket money by helping out with family chore. I read somewhere that research shows that children who participates in household chores are more well-adjusted, have more empathy and self-control.

You can read more about how to implement it here:

http://momlearnings.blogspot.dk/2014/03/childrens-bonus-system.html

2. Service

Create a culture of service in your family. Encourage your child to volunteer his time at a soup kitchen or old folk's home or a children's home. Do it together with your child and start young.

You can read more here:

http://momlearnings.blogspot.dk/2014/03/creating-culture-of-service-in-your.html

3. Giving

Encourage your child to save up and share some of his savings with the less fortunate. Here is one way how:

http://momlearnings.blogspot.dk/2012/02/how-to-teach-children-financial.html

4. Experience sufferings

Instead of booking a luxurious vacation to Europe or exotic Haiwaii, bring your kids to see and help out in the slums of Bangladesh, the orphanages of China and the dirt-path villages of Tanzania. Here are two of them:

http://www.motherteresa.org/07_family/volunteering/v_cal.html

http://www.missionariesofthepoor.org/volunteers.php

5. Do not help your children financially

Don't buy them their own personal iPad, or iphone, or Nintendo, or car (for teenagers). Let them share your iPad. Let them save up to buy the Nintendo.

6. Bring your children on mission trip

For those living in Copenhagen, there is an opportunity from 28 June to 5 July 2014 to visit Poland's families in crisis and the prisoners with Warsaw Volunteer Mission. You can read more about Warsaw Volunter Mission (WVM) here:

http://www.wvm.org.pl/

7. Make restaurant a treat rather than the norm

When I was working full-time, I often bought take-aways for dinner. Then I started working more overtime, and in order to pamper ourselves, we did take-aways from restaurants. Then it wasn't as exciting anymore to just visit restaurants, so we started visiting more up-scale restaurants. The extravagance just snow balled easily. Now that I am working part-time, I cook more at home.

8. Stay at hostel or campsite rather than 5-star hotel

Don't always travel in style. Sometimes choose to stay at hostel or campsite instead.

9. Don't have a maid

Leading a hectic modern life, we are constantly finding ways to help us be more efficient, effective and to squeeze time out for family. One way is to have a maid at home. Ironically, they can also have adverse effects. We become very preoccupied with our needs. As far as possible, try to do without a live-in maid. If you have a helper at home, don't allow your children to leave everything to the helper. Have a set of chores for your child.

10. Reduce the wealth of your family

It is hard. Sometimes the only way that you can convincingly convince your child is by reducing your own wealth. I did so by going part-time, so that I can take a regular day out for volunteer work with J.

If you have more ideas, please do feel free to share.

Children's Reward System (Updated)

Piggybank with tokens to save up unused smileys :-)

 

The introduction of the bonus system went well and the tasks quickly expanded. With the addition of tasks, we could no longer fit them onto the board.  We also need an easy solution for J to carry over his rewards.

 

The only changes are including a piggybank for saving up his rewards and including only main category on Chore Board, with specific tasks for J listed separately on paper instead.

 

We have progressed from here to here, while still keeping the system very simple. The updates are highlighted in red below.

In this way, adding of tasks is not a problem, and the rewards system still works, even when new tasks are added.

Materials:
1. 1 Chore Board
2. A bag of magnetic smileys (about 90 pieces)
3. 1 specific task list
4. 1 Piggybank
5. 1 container containing tokens (I took it from the 4-in-a-line game)

Directions:

1. State only main categories on Chore Board

The following are our main categories:

1. Own Chores
2. Family Chores
3. Help Others
4. Classes
5. Homework
6. Courtesy

2. Make a detailed task list on paper

On a piece of paper list the chores and add to them as your your child gain independence and can do more things by himself. Our specific task list has expanded and currently looks like this:

1. Own Chores

Any of the below tasks will earn him 1 smiley under "Own Chores" on the Chore Board:

1. Get dressed
2. Brush teeth self
3. Make own bed
4. Bring dirty dishes to the kitchen sink
5. Fold own clothes and put them in the respective wardrobe

2. Family Chores

Any of the below tasks will earn him 1 smiley under "Family Chores" on the Chore Board:

1. Set table
2. Help Mommy prepare meals
3. Help Mommy with a household chore
4. Help Daddy clean up the basement

3. Help Others

Help Others means community work. It is any tasks that are not for self or family, but for others. Any of the below tasks will earn him 1 smiley under "Help Others" on the Chore Board:

1. Serve his guests drinks and food (e.g. during his birthday party)

2. Befriend a new child and help him around kindergarten (this is a good time, as there are many new children in his class)

3. Help a new child in class find new friends

4. Help to serve food at the old folks home or at the soup kitchen (we haven't started yet, but plan to next month every Thursday, where I will take him out of kindergarten for volunteer work. My Singaporean friends will be alarmed that I am taking my child out of kindie for a day. But it is because in the Danish kindergarten, there is no curriculum, unlike in Singapore. J does not learn anything academic, but playing. So he will not be missing out on anything.)

4. Classes

Any of the below tasks will earn him 1 smiley under "Classes" on the Chore Board:

1. Be focus, serious and do his best at Chinese class
2. Be focus, serious and do his best at piano class
3. Be focus, serious and do his best at swimming class
4. Be focus, serious and do his best at football class

5. Homework

Any of the below tasks will earn him 1 smiley under "Homework" on the Chore Board:

1. Practice piano
2. Write Chinese
3. Read Chinese
4. Complete Maths homework with focus and seriousness
5. Do Montessori homework with focus and seriousness

6. Courtesy

Any of the below tasks will earn him 1 smiley under "Courtesy" on the Chore Board:

1. Greet teacher good morning and say his/her name.
2. Say thank you to teacher after the class and say his/her name

2. Explain how it works

Each week...

1. For every task he does or quality he exhibits, he gets 1 smiley.

2. For every task or quality he does without Mommy's prompting, he gets 2 smileys.

3. For every task he does within time allocation, he gets 1 additional smiley.

4. At the end of the week, tally up the smileys (an opportunity to teach or practice addition) and give the rewards.

5. Unused smileys that J would like to save will be converted into the equal number of tokens for him to drop into piggybank (Remember too to let your child convert and count the tokens himself).

6. Start over the following week

3. Explain the rewards

Design the rewards with your child. Here is how we have designed the rewards. We will fine-tune along the way:

1. Every 1 smiley = 5 minutes on the iPad (capped at 1 hour each per week)

2. Every 10 smileys = 1 bowl of yogurt

3. Every 20 smileys = 1 ice-cream (capped at 1 per week)

4. Every 30 smileys = 1 coin ride (the kind at shopping centre where you drop a coin and the car moves)

5. Every 40 smileys = Choose something costing 10 DKK at Tiger

6. Every 50 smileys = Disney Show

Addtional Information:

Here is a good website with chores appropriate for different ages:

http://www.choresandchecklists.com/chores-for-5-year-olds.html

So far J has been very disciplined, and did not ask to exchange his smileys for any of the unhealthy stuff (chocolates, ice-cream, cheese sticks, etc.). He also has not asked for time on iPad or Disney Show. He only asked for yogurt, saying that that is healthy choice. I am not sure how long this will last, but I will enjoy while it does.

References:
On Becoming Childwise by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam



Our Preschooler Reward System

Daddy has bought the board, and I have been wanting to implement this with J, but I have been very busy. Yesterday, we went to an open house of one of the top Christian primary schools in Denmark (in terms of grades), and the principal explained the bonus system that they use in their school. That got me very inspired, and I am now starting a simple system with J.

Materials:

1. 1 Magnetic board or chalk board or paper board shown above
2. 90 Smiley magnets or stickers
3. 1 white board marker

Directions:

A: 5 Steps:

1. Identify Age Appropriate Chores

Identify age appropriate tasks you want your child to work on. Here is a good website I have found showing the different appropriate tasks for different age:

http://www.choresandchecklists.com/chores-for-5-year-olds.html

2. Start Slow and Keep It Simple

I am starting with 1-2 tasks that I pick myself. I am starting with two, but may go down to one after discussing with J.

The tasks I have chosen for J are:
- Setting the table
- Getting dressed in the morning

3. Encourage Buy-in from Your Child

I involve J by allowing him to choose the 2nd or 3rd task that he would like to include, e.g. brushing his teeth himself, folding the clothes, etc.

Ask him what a reward is to him. For example, going swimming with Mommy and Daddy may not be a reward to a child who doesn't like to swim. Let him choose a list of 3-5 rewards.

4. Include Both Chores and Qualities

Besides tasks, there are a few character qualities that I would like to see him develop. I am starting with 1-3 qualities.

For example, J is a little challenged when it comes to greeting people, saying thank you, good morning or goodbye, no matter how much I remind him. If I bring him to my office, he would ignore everyone, to my embarrassment. Of course, shyness does not give us the license not to be courteous. I am thus including courtesy as a character quality that he should work on.

5. Define Completion of Chores

Think through on your own what a completed task looks like. Then sit down with your child and explain to him clearly what a completed task is, which forms part of the rule of the game.

For example, setting the table means all items - placemat, plate, knife, fork and glass correctly and neatly placed. Demonstrate for your child your standard.

For example, getting dressed means putting on shirt, undies, socks or stockings and pants before getting down for breakfast.

For example, exhibiting courtesy means looking into the person's eyes, greeting him with a smile and addressing the person's name (in Denmark) or addressing the person as auntie/uncle (in Singapore).

For example, exhibiting patience means waiting for mommy/daddy to finish conversation with others, and not pulling at mommy/daddy's sleeves to get going. Patience means waiting until everyone finishes main course before eating dessert.

B: How Does It Work? 

Each week...

1. For every task he does or quality he exhibits, he gets 1 smiley.

2. For every task or quality he does without Mommy's prompting, he gets 2 smileys.

3. For every task he does within time allocation, he gets 2 smileys.

4. At the end of the week, tally up the smileys (an opportunity to teach or practice addition) and give the rewards.

5. Re-set the board again at the beginning of the following week and evaluate over the tasks to include - whether you should focus on the same tasks or different tasks.

C: The Rewards:

Here is how we have designed the rewards. We will fine-tune along the way:

1. Every 1 smiley = 5 minutes on the iPad (capped at 1 hour each per week)

2. Every 10 smileys = 1 bowl of yogurt

3. Every 20 smileys = 1 ice-cream (capped at 1 per week)

4. Every 30 smileys = 1 coin ride (the kind at shopping centre where you drop a coin and the car moves)

5. Every 40 smileys = Choose something costing 10 DKK at Tiger

6. Every 50 smileys = Disney Show

References:
On Becoming Childwise by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam

Children Chore Chart

Adapted from Confessions of a Homeschooler

Age: This chore chart is meant for 5 years old and above (For younger children, reduce the number of assigned tasks accordingly as fit)

Objective(s):

1. To equip the child with life skills from healthy daily habits.
2. To provide motivation to the child to do the chores
3. To teach counting in a tangible way.

Materials:

1. 1 Weekly Chore Chart A3 size per week consisting of 20 assigned chores per day (Download the excel version here)
2. 14 reward coupons or counters (I found this from Confessions of a Homeschooler)

Directions:

1. There are 20 chores on the chart grouped into morning, afternoon and evening chores
2. The Chore Chart starts anew each week.
3. As the child completes a chore each day, he makes a tick for that corresponding day's chore.
4. If the child completes at least 50% of the day's chores i.e. at least 10 chores, he receives a coupon.
5. If the child completes all the day's 20 chores, he gets an extra bonus coupon.
6. At the end of the week, count up all the coupons he gets.
7. Each coupon can be redeemed for 10 minutes worth of TV/video/computer game time or SGD 20 cents. The child can redeem up to 12.60 SGD per month (0.20 SGD x 7 x 4.5).
8. The child can choose to redeem his coupon immediately or save up for something he wishes to purchase later.

Additional Information:

Children with ADHD need to know exactly what others expect from them, and a chore chart serves as a clear and consistent way to provide them with reminders.

The chore chart and its corresponding coupon acts as a reward system for things like remembering to pack school bag the night before and completing homework before dinner. Such a reward system works best for children, especially ADHD children, because the rewards are tangible and immediate.

I made this for each of the children, and pinned it up on a wall near the kitchen. He has been very glad for it. It helps him to remember the tasks he needs to do, everytime he is going to the kitchen.

References:
http://www.confessionsofahomeschooler.com/blog/2011/01/chore-chart-cards.html
http://lisatong.com/index.php/2009/01/10/childrens-chore-charts/
http://www.babywisemom.com/2012/01/pinteresting-fridays-chore-charts.html
http://www.babywisemom.com/search/label/chores

The excel chart works for me, but if you prefer something more fanciful and attractive for younger children than my excel chart, there are some nice ones from Amazon:

List of Chores Toddlers Can Do

It is amazing to find out all the things that a toddler between 1 year old and 2 years old can do!!! Here is a summary I made from http://www.babycenter.com/ organized in the form of a list for quick reference.

Less than 2 years old:

• Putting bread in the bread basket for breakfast

• Getting his bowl from the cabinet for his meals

• Wiping the high-chair's tray with a cloth after a meal

• Putting his sippy cup in the dishwasher

• Putting your dishes in the dishwasher

• Tossing all of his stuffed animals into his toy bin

• Stacking his board books into the shelves

• Line up his toy cars before lunch

• Picking up toys and putting them back into boxes or baskets

• Putting his own dirty laundry into the laundry basket

• Loading and unloading the clothes in the washing machine

• Putting clothes into the dryer one-by-one

• Sorting socks is another good chore at this age

• Carrying clean clothes one-by-one to his room

• Putting clean clothes one-by-one into the drawer

• Putting his soiled nappies in the bin

• Throwing away thrash into the waste-paper basket

• Dusting, for example, swiping with a damp rag over a surface

• Bringing you any object you point to

More than 2 years old:

• Mixing the cream into the fruit salad

• Turning off TV/DVD/PC before leaving the room

• Watering plants

• Feeding the pet dog/cat

• Helping daddy to take off socks :-)

• climbing up in his own high chair when it's time to eat

• Bringing you any object you name

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Additional Comments:
I think I am pampering J too much. So far J only puts the books back to the shelves. I didn't know toddlers can do so much and understimated babies and toddlers! A friend once commented how babies and toddlers are like creatures from outer-space - they are very intelligent. How true!!! It brings me in awe of God, and marvel at how intelligent He has created human beings (we are just talking about the average ordinary human beings), even already at a tender age of a baby!

I am going to start finding out what J can do by working down the list one-by-one for the next few months... ha ha :-)

A wise comment I've got to copy down from someone called pushkina from www.babycenter.com:

“in my world, if a child hasn't learned by the age of three to pick up after him/herself, then s/he will never learn to do it. my daughter is 20 months old; we've been working on nightly chores since she was about 14 months old. it's just part of what we do at night: supper, pick up toys and put them in the basket, bathe, story, last bottle, brush teeth, put away books, good night kisses, prayers and into bed, no later than 8.30. is it hard to do all that after a full day of work, housework and study for me and a full day of daycare for her? (we won't discuss her daddy on the sofa!) YES!YES!YES!YES!!!! it is bloody hard sometimes; and sometimes i just don't have the energy or the strength for the entire program so we may skip part of it. but we started it when we did because SHE wanted to help. she still does; she's so cute with a dust cloth or a dustpan and brush. she puts her dirty dish on the counter or in the sink; she'll throw her empty bottle into the sink. she showed us she was ready to help; we help her help. chores are for everyone, even in houses where there is staff. because if we don't teach our little ones how to do very basic things for themselves, they will grow up without knowing how and worse, feeling entitled, that someone else should clean up their messes, both big and small. i was always imprssed by my grandmother's stories about when she was little and her first family responsibility was when she was three: to collect kindling for the morning fire. her mother and father told her that the entire family counted on her to do her job, so that in the morning they all could be warm and have breakfast. and she did it and she told me she was so proud every morning when the fire would be lit, that she felt that SHE had made it happen. that is the beginning of self-esteem. leave it til later in age and it won't happen! humans haven't changed that much in a hundred years; if little kids in america could do real jobs and accept real responsibilities, i think the least i can do is maintain that tradition. those of us who had parents who grew up during the Depression or WWII remember hearing how fast kids had to grow up, because their lives depended on it. IMO, our kids lives depend also on learning early on that sense of independence and responsibility and the power of being helpful and giving. and they CAN do it. it's just sometimes really hard (for us) to teach them and insist.”

References:
www.babycenter.com/404_when-can-my-toddler-start-doing-chores-and-what-kinds-are-ap_6833.bc
http://housekeeping.about.com/od/chorechart1/a/ageapprchores.htm
http://www.choresandchecklists.com/chores-for-5-year-olds.html