How To Deal with Bully at the Kindergarten?

In the kindergarten, it is common to encounter children making fun of one another. Daddy taught J how to deal with such situation. If your child does not like what others say to him, here are a few ideas you can teach him to say:

1. Say, "Rend & hop" (Danish: Rap og hop)

Teach your child to say with a smile, "Rap og hop," and make hopping action to accompany it. According to J, do this first. Usually the other kid who said the mean thing would hop and hop away. That was what happened, when J said it to his friends.

http://youtu.be/e54m7cj0G2Q

2. Say, "That one Says, is one himself" (Danish: Det man siger, er man selv)

In Danish, there is a saying that you can teach your child to say with a smile, "Det man siger, er man selv, fordi det står i Aktuelt." In English, it means "What one says, is one himself or herself. Usually the guilty child will stop saying the annoying stuff after this.

J has composed a melody to go along with it (with my help with accompaniment).

J narrating:

http://youtu.be/O1ZsNbu44M8

J singing:

http://youtu.be/0c30C84h9Z0

3. Say, "Mirror" (Danish: Spejl)

If the first two don't work, teach your child to say with a smile, "Mirror," and then walk away. Don't linger with it. It is end here. Full stop.

In Danish, the child says, "Spejl."

Additional Information:

When J encountered teasing at the kindergarten some time ago, I got upset and a little hurt on his behalf. I wanted soooo much to shield him from all the unpleasant encounters in life. On hindsight, I have learned to change my paradigm. I have learned to see it as a good opportunity for him to grow and become stronger, which will help him to face whatever that life may throw at us. 

There is a purpose for our child to encounter the good and the not-so-good. 

It gives us a chance to share his pain, to find ways to teach him how to deal with difficult people (little people in his case) with confidence and with grace.

And yesterday, a friend of mine told me that her daughter has similar encounters at the kindergarten. Because of our experience, we are able to share with her. 

It has also inspired J to compose a song (with help with accompaniment form me) to share with other kids facing similar situation.

Another lesson we learned is that everything will come to past. Since then, J has not longer encountered any teasing. And in fact he has become one of the most popular boys in this class - this of course, will also come to pass.

So God has worked all things out for good (Romans 8:28). In all challenges in life, God has a greater purpose for allowing us to go through it. We have to remember that.

Tune by piano and music notes version 1 of Det man siger, er man selv:

http://youtu.be/p6t91LBds2g

Tune by piano and music notes version 2 of Det man siger, er man selv:

http://youtu.be/Jj5qTJeHGJs

What would you do if another child kick your toddler intentionally?

I hope others will share their experience and advice.

Yesterday I brought J to the playground after the daycare. A boy about 4-5 years old (or definitely at the age where he is morally aware of right and wrong) blocked the bridge to the slide and kicked J on the stomach. It wasn't just a case of a child hitting another child, but a karate-style kick with full leg power 90 degree perpendicular swing including the thigh muscle. J fell backwards both due to the physical force as well as the shock that someone would kick him in the stomach and cried. I picked J up and carried him. The boy's mother was just few steps beside him and witnessed everything. At first, I gave his mom a sympathetic look, feeling sorry for her that she has such a violent child.

I then looked at the boy, and he had this "ya ya papaya" look on his face, meaning he gave the "I am invincible look". However, when his mom did not make any attempt to apologize nor to correct the boy, my sympathy turned into anger. I took the matter into my own hand, went over to the boy and said to him, "You should not kick another boy. You should apologize". At this point, his "ya ya papaya" face began to disappear. I have achieved the results I wanted, although I did not get him to apologize. His mom still did not say anything. She still did not ask him to apologize. She just took him and they got ready to leave the playground.

If J is at the age where he is speaking and has a command of language, I would have asked J to say that to the boy himself. However, J, 22 months, is not at that age yet and still can't speak in sentences. I felt that I have to stand up for my son.

Looking back at this incident, I wondered whether I had done the right thing in interferring in other parents' parenting. At that moment, I have forgotten that I am a Christian, and I just felt that I needed to tell the boy off. If his parents do not condone such behaviour, the boy could just go on and kick other children younger than him and get away with it.

What would you do if you were in my shoes? What would you have suggested that I do? What would Jesus do? What does God think that I should do? What would my pastor do? Help, I am struggling to find some Godly guidance. I would appreciate to hear some advice from others.

Apart from the physical blow, I was more worried about the emotional blow. I was worried that J's self-confidence would be affected. But I was relief that J seemed to have more self-confidence I thought. He cried and asked to be carried. Then J asked to eat and drink. I brought him to a table and gave him some biscuits and plain water. J stopped crying at the table and ate the biscuits and drank the water. Maybe that was J's way of telling the boy in his own toddler's body language, "I am going to eat and grow big and strong so that you will think twice if you want to issue that karate kick at me again!" All this while, the bully boy was just nearby the table, wearing his shoes and getting ready to leave with his mom from the playground. Still without any word, nor any apology from either the mother or son. J seemed very forgiving, facing the boy straight and did not turn away from the boy's face or hide into my embrace. Maybe I should learn from my son J to be as forgiving.

What to do when another child bullies yours?

7 ways to deal with bullying between toddlers:

1. Tell your son to say to the other child, "That isn't nice. That hurt" 

This allows your child to state his frustration and voice out for himself, allowing the children a chance to resolve the conflict situation themselves. This gives the other child an opportunity to learn to apologize.

I have made a separate post on more to teach your kid to say with confidence and grace:

http://momlearnings.blogspot.com/2014/10/how-to-deal-with-bully-at-kindergarten.html

2. Use distraction

When you see conflict brewing, distract them by playing loudly with another toy or breaking into song.

3. Use "we" instead of "you" to correct the other child

Find a nice way to correct the other child, if you absolutely need to. Say, "no, we don't hit buddy", or "we have to take turns and share". Say, "it is not nice to push, but we can all play with it together". Don't say, "it is wrong of you to hit."

4. Help the children to cooperate

For example, if it is a matching game, and the other child pushes yours away, say, "it is not nice to push, but we can all play with it together". Then have the other child find one animal and your child find the other and make it a game for two. Go on like that for about 5 minutes. At the end, ask, "isn't it fund to share and play together?". Most likely the other child would say yes!

5. Encourage good behaviour

When your child's friend does manage to do something nice such as sharing a toy, tell him how much you appreciate his friendliness.

6. Suggest another location for playdate

Toddlers are more apt to feel fidgety and act out in small areas i.e. living room. Moving to a large open space such as a park or playground may help, as they can burn off excess energy and social frustrations withotu stepping on each other's otes, and there won't be any toys to fight over.

7. Take a break from the playgroup as a last resort

You aren't teaching your child anything by asking him to cope with a child who's mean to him. If the situation persists, your decision to separate the children might open up a dialogue between you and the other parent that could pave the way for a more long-term resolution.

2 basic rules to live by (if you can!):

1. Never tell another parent how she should raise her child.
2. Never discipline a child who's not yours

References:
http://www.babycenter.com/404_should-i-discipline-a-child-who-is-acting-aggressively-towar_11609.bc