Diary of a Stay-At-Home-Mom: Much Ado About Nothing About Chocolate Chip Cookies...

At first everyone in the family were so thrilled that I actually bother to bake them cookies that are, ahem, decent enough to be eaten!! I tend to bake things too healthy ;-P They walloped them all up. 

In search of the most chewy chocolate chip cookies, our Little FECS is too happy to sample them for me...

Then I baked and I baked and I baked... this batch with less sugar, that batch with more brown sugar, this batch with melted butter, that batch with softened butter, this batch with olive oil, that batch of 7 minutes bake time, 10 minutes bake time, refrigerated dough, etc etc... 

Finally our Little FECS ran away when I asked him to try yet another sample (Baby FECS volunteered to take over Little FECS' task, but I didn’t allow her of course. This sweet tooth would finish them all up!)

And I am still not done with finding the perfect recipe that produces the perfectly chewy cookies yet!!!

The quest continue... I am a ONE determined mom...

Too much of a good thing for our kids I guess to have to put up with a full-time mom like me.

Who’s having all the fun? 

Guess it’s me no doubt 😊

When I hear friends lamenting on their fate of being a full-time mom... and missing the career they left behind.... I thought I might have the same problem, but I didn’t.

The grass is not always greener on the other side. My grass is the greenest now... and it’s not going to last forever. I better enjoy the moment while it lasts...

It’s bought with a price which I am keenly aware of and am grateful for. Thank you Daddy FECS for working so hard to allow me to have all the fun at home. Life can’t be any better. 

I am going back to all my home projects now... and man, there are many!!! 

Talking about home projects, the latest I have completed is a 14-year trend analysis of the grades of primary schools in Copenhagen for Baby FECS. That said, analyzing over 14 years still didn’t give me a clear picture of which school to send her to... oh ya... the paralysis of analysis. 

Should I follow my heart or should I follow my head? 

Maybe adding the 15th year from this year’s result will finally provide the final tilt to a clear decision.

Daddy FECS suggested why don’t I try to code it with Python to make my graphs dynamic, and my model more versatile, so that it’s easier for this perfectionist mom to find the perfect school for her daughter!!! Okie okie I got the Danish humor here. Hmmm... but maybe I would try coding it in Python after all.

Alas the perfect school doesn’t exist in Denmark or here on this earth... Singapore comes close, but we don’t live in Singapore, right!!!  (ok, I am bias!!!) 

The perfect school exists only in heaven I guess, and thus my dilemma... 

Okie, so much ado about nothing about my chewy cookie quest and my perfect school quest... I have yet to accomplish any of them yet...

Maybe the perfect chewy chocolate chip cookies recipe doesn’t exist. If you have found it, please share 😊

Diary of a Stay-At-Home-Mom

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to study and a time to play,

a time to sleep and a time to wake up,

a time to go to university and a time to graduate,

a time to work and a time to rest,

a time to build a business and a time to build a home,

a time to pursue one’s own personal and professional goal and a time to focus on the family,

a time to make money and a time to spend it,

a time to spend money and a time to save it.

Now is the time for me to devote myself to be a professional mom :-)

Dear Lord, in life please graciously give us the wisdom and the discernment to do the right thing at the right time.

Diary of a Stay-At-Home-Mom

 

How strange, before becoming a full-time mom, I was a very task and result-oriented person (I still am).

After being a full-time mom, I have gained a new skill that many companies value, especially in the department of HR 🙂

I have become a lot more people-oriented (read: going to cafes and restaurants, sipping coffee like a Singaporean tai tai).

So nice, I have gained a new skill 🙂

P.S. Er... but I am not sure if this skill is so valued by my special one though 😂

Diary of a Stay-At-Home-Mom

 

"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing it well." - Mærsk Mc-Kinney Møller

Yes, this is what I aspire to be - a professional mom 🙂

Thank you Daddy FECS for giving me this and opportunity and time. I cherish it greatly. It’s a lot of hard work, but also a lot of joy. I know that it’s a privilege that I am not taking it for granted.

I may not have the talents to be an outstanding mom, I still make mistakes and fail each day. But I can surely devote my best to be the best mom that I can be 🙂

Press on all mommies out there. Your labour and sacrifice is not in vain 🙂

And below is a web resource to help professional moms like me:

https://www.hearts-at-home.org/

Diary of a Stay-At-Home-Mom

They say your company would not thank you. Only your family will. It’s true and not true.

After 2 months of leaving, my centre asked me if I could attend a meeting yesterday and gave me a surprise present. And I am invited home for dinner with the team when COVID is over. It touched my heart that I am still treated as part of the team. It brought me great comfort as a stay at home mom.

But I was so taken by surprise and didn’t say much. The introvert in me got in the way 😢

If I have a chance to do it again in the meeting, I just want to let my colleagues and bosses know that I am very touched and thankful. I am just not very good with words verbally.

In life, one can’t have it all. I have chosen what I have chosen, given the limited time we all have to prioritize. But I will remember these good memories, which is a part of my life, for the rest of my life.

Diary of a Stay-At-Home-Mom

Before I left for Denmark some 20 years ago, a kind colleague gave me a piece of advice, “E, remember, no matter what, financial independence is the most important for a woman.” Wise words. I held close to my heart.

I remember her words all these years. I worked hard at being financially independent until I could go on no longer this year when I made the switch from being a working mom to a stay-at-home-mom.

I am keenly aware that by making this choice, I am joining the ranks of the other stay-at-home-moms at making ourselves very vulnerable.

Being a stay-at-home-mom is an unpaid career. In all other jobs (if you are not laid off), at the end of your useful years, you get your pension. At the end of the useful years of a stay-at-home-mom, you have nothing (monetarily). There is no pension to fall back on.

It takes trust in God to choose this role.

Diary of a Stay-At-Home-Mom

 

Motherhood’s career lifespan is as short as the career lifespan of a professional footballer.

A friend said to me, “E, Motherhood is a short-term career of at most 20 years, what are you going to do with the rest of your time, when your children grow up? What are you going to do when you are an empty-nester”

I have thought hard and fast at this before I made the switch to being a stay-at-home-mom. 
I look around me… there are so many needs in our community and our world

My nieces and nephews… they can use my time
 
The children from dysfunctional families… longing for their parents to be there in their lives…

The children from poor families… wishing for their parents to have a day of rest to bring them out, but that day rarely comes…

The children from divorced families… longing for their parents’ undivided attention…

The children from the orphanages… yearning to know a mother’s love…

The grand-children from our own children eventually 😊

Motherhood seen from that perspective is a long long career, and not an easy one. But the training I get from my own children and home does help, I hope.

But motherhood is an unpaid career. It will run out when the money runs out to be a stay-at-home-mom 😊

And the question is how many years I can devote to being a stay-at-home-mom before the fulfillment of the corporate world lures me back. 

Diary of a Stay-At-Home-Mom

”If it is worth doing, it’s worth doing it well.” Mærsk Mc-Kinney Møller

This is the motto that Mærsk Mc-Kinney Møller adhered to. These words left a deep impression in my mind and in the mind of Joshua, as we listened to the bioautography of Mærsk Mc-Kinney Møller on CD during our car trip to Jutland. Joshua repeated the sentence throughout the whole journey, making Daddy FECS feeling ever so proud to be a Dane 😊

I have adhered to the same motto in my life all my career. I have always given my very best, from starting off as a crew at KFC at the age of 14 to working at a Danish MNC upon graduation from the university to quitting my job at the UN this year. (Man, my employers don’t know what they are missing 😊)

This is the same motto I hope our children will hold on to in their lives.

Motherhood is a high calling. If it is worth doing, it’s worth putting in my full-time effort. It is worth devoting my whole life to. 

As I made the career switch, first from being a young ambitious career woman to a working mom to a stay-at-home-mom, my ambition level has not gone down. I am going to give it my best at being the best mom that I can be. 

Diary of a Stay-At-Home-Mom

 

Navigating the dinner conversation at a dinner function…

Short version:

Before I left my job: Challenging… because I am an introvert.

After I left my job: No change, still challenging… oh well, even more challenging 😊

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Long Version:

Before I left my job…

The person sitting next to me: So where do you work?

Me: I work at the UN.

The person sitting next to me: Oh, you are in the business of creating world peace. What do you do there?

Me: We procure medicines and medical devices. More recently, I am into business process engineering and data management, making processes more efficient, reports more automated and analysis more... (before I can finish)

The person sitting next to me ask: Can you help me to get a job at the UN?

Me: Sure, here are the links where you can find all the job postings 😊

--------------------------------------
After I left my job:

The person sitting next to me: So where do you work?

Me: I work at the UF.

The person sitting next to me: What is that?

Me: Erm… it’s a multinational company… 

If they probe further, I would say it’s a half-Danish and half-Singaporean company.

The person sitting next to me: What do you do there?

Me: I am the Project Site Manager, being on-site and making sure everything works… just like when you are renovating a house. And mediating the conflicts between the various, ahem… “sub-contractors” 😊

The person sitting next to me: What does it do?

Me: It’s in the business of construction, procurement, transportation and logistics, project budgeting, planning, organizing and management of events (with regards to playdates), education, nutrition and sustainable engineering (with regards to cleaning)… (cough, cough, sip water).

The person sitting next to me: Looks like your company is dabbling into many different businesses. Have your management thought of divesting some of the non-core business interests?

Me: Erm... no, no choice, no one to divest them to.

The person sitting next to me: So what kind of procurement do you do?

Me: I am in-charge of procuring… erm… household supplies 😊

The person sitting next to me: What kind of construction do you do?

Me: Right now, one of my projects is building (up) a home 😊

The person sitting next to me: So what’s your company vision, goal and direction?

Me: Erm... creating family peace 😊

The person sitting next to me: How big is the company?

Me: Erm… it consists of two owners… If they probe further, I would say… Daddy FECS and me.

The person sitting next to me: Oh I see, it is a family business. How many clients do you have?

Me:  Well, erm… just two… Little FECS and Baby FECS… 😊

At this point in the dinner conversation alright, alright… I am coming clean with it. I am a stay-at-home-mom 😅

Diary of a Stay-At-Home-Mom

Dear Little FECS,

Each day, it dons on mommy that in 7 years’ time, mommy will be facing an empty nest. You are 11 years old now. You will leave home at that time when you reach 18 years old.

Time is so short. Only 7 years left...

For this reason, mommy is giving up a glamorous job at the UN, along with the money and the fat pension. And mommy is also giving up any tempting business opportunities that come our way. And thankful to daddy for giving mommy this opportunity to stay at home and to cut down on our standard of living.

But it’s still not easy. As you reach your teenage years, it’s not so easy for mommy to know how to bond with you. Being a Chinese who grew up in Singapore, mommy only knows how to ask you to learn your Chinese and practice your piano. 

Without the distraction of a job, mommy will now take this time to learn. Thank you for being such a good boy. Thank you for wanting still to be with mommy, yet being frustrated at mommy’s lack of ideas on how to spend time together. Yet you never give up. Every night before you sleep, you still say, “Mommy, I love you.”

Mommy keeps that in my heart. Let’s look forward to the next 7 years together, before you head out into the world, more and more on your own.

Love,

Mommy

Diary of a Stay-At-Home-Mom

 

Before: I tell people I work at the UN.

After: I tell people I work at the UF... and hopefully they don’t ask me what UF is 😂

UF - United Family 

There is more peace at home now... especially in the mornings 🤣

P.S. Well, I am still learning to do so with God's help. Not my strength, but His. Still making tons of mistakes here, which I am not very proud of.

"Unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain" - Psalm 127:1

Diary of a Stay-At-Home-Mom

 

Before I quit my job: I woke up excitedly at 3 am to quickly jot down an idea in my head so that I will remember it when I go to the office in the morning.

After I quit my job: I still wake up at 3 am - to put that pot of chicken soup still standing on the stove into the fridge that I have forgotten for the umpteen times!!!  😂

Diary of a Stay-At-Home-Mom

The short version:

Before I quit my job: Takeaways, and more takeaways and… more expensive takeaways.

After I quit my job: Homecooked food at home

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The long version:

Before I quit my job: 

Little FECS: What takeaway sushi from Føtex Supermarket again? Mommy, I am tired of it. How about Letz Sushi for dinner?

A few days or weeks later…

Little FECS: What takeaway sushi from Letz Sushi again? I am tired of it. How about Stick ‘n’ Sushi for dinner? 

Mommy looking at Little FECS' eyes as convincingly as I could: It’s too expensive. Mommy has no money.

Little FECS: Don’t bluff, you worked 60 hours last week and got paid overtime. You have a lot of money, and also you have no time to spend them. Stick ‘n’ Sushi ok?

Mommy: Aaarrggghhh… tired and no surplus to teach or fight with our son.

On son’s birthday…

Mommy: Let’s celebrate at Sticks ‘n’ Sushi for your birthday this weekend.

Little FECS: What Stick ‘n’ Sushi again? Can we go somewhere more fanciful, please? We just had Stick ‘n’ Sushi for takeaway dinner last few nights, when you came back home late from work and didn’t have the time to cook.

Mommy: @@@@ What entitled children we are raising!!!

After I quit my job:

Little FECS: Can we eat Stick ‘n’ Sushi for dinner?

Mommy: No, mommy’s not working, we have no more money. Mommy will cook. We will have homecooked steam fish with broccoli for dinner 😊

Little FECS: Ok, ya, true, you don’t earn money anymore.

On a recent special occasion…

Mommy: Let’s celebrate at Sticks ‘n’ Sushi this weekend.

Little FECS: Yeh… hurray!!! Stick ‘n’ Sushi… it’s been so long since we last had it.

Mommy: @@@@ Hurray, good to have our contented and thankful son back 😊

"...give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread." - Proverbs 30:8

Diary of a Stay-At-Home-Mom

 

The short version:
 
Before I quit my job: We have 2 cars
 
After I quit my job: We have 1 car
 
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The long version:
Before I quit my job:
 
Day 1:
Mommy FECS: Darling, shall we watch a movie tonight?
Daddy FECS: Hmmm… have to go and wash my car… may not have the time.
 
Day 2:
Mommy FECS: Darling, shall we watch a movie tonight?
Daddy FECS: Hmmm… have to go and wash your car… may not have the time.
 
Day 3:
Mommy FECS: Darling, shall we watch a movie tonight?
Daddy FECS: Hmmm… have to go and send my car for inspection… may not have the time.
 
Day 4:
Mommy FECS: Darling, shall we watch a movie tonight?
Daddy FECS: Hmmm… have to go and send your car for inspection… may not have the time.
 
Day 5:
Mommy FECS: Darling, shall we watch a movie tonight?
Daddy FECS: Hmmm… have to go and pump petrol for my car… may not have the time.
 
Day 6:
Mommy FECS: Darling, shall we watch a movie tonight?
Daddy FECS: Hmmm… have to go and pump petrol for your car… may not have the time.
 
Day 7:
Mommy FECS: Darling, shall we watch a movie tonight?
Daddy FECS: Hmmm… have to go and repair the windshield for my car… may not have the time.
 
Day 8:
Mommy FECS: Darling, shall we watch a movie tonight?
Daddy FECS: Hmmm… have to go and repair the dent for your car… may not have the time.
 
Mommy FECS: @@@@@@ aarrrrggghhhh
 
After I quit my job:
 
Day 1:
Mommy FECS: Darling, shall we watch a movie tonight?
 
Daddy FECS: Hmmm… have to go and wash our car tonight…
 
Mommy FECS: Tomorrow then 😊 No more other cars to worry about 😀

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal." - Matthew 6:19-20

Diary of a Stay-At-Home-Mom

 

Before: I was impatient with my kids

After: I am still impatient with my kids 😅

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Footnote:

The difference is that I now have a little more time to stop at the very moment to look them in the eyes, to say I am sorry, more time to reflect over and to work on becoming better - getting down on my knees and praying for God's guidance and wisdom, reading books, listening to podcasts on parenting, etc. I have more time to work on the character-building part of this area of my life that I am not very proud of. I still don't do everything right.

Before I didn't have so much time to reflect on my impatience. It got swept under the carpet. When I managed to squeeze in the time to say I was sorry, it was usually so that we could move on to other things in the interest of time. I didn't have much surplus to reflect over it. My mind was mostly preoccupied with the 1000-and-1-things I wanted to achieve in the office.

Diary of a Stay-At-Home-Mom

 

Wherever she goes, Baby FECS proudly tells everyone she meets (well, almost everyone): "My mommy stops working :-)!"

Feeling embarrassed, I wanted to say, hey, my dear daughter, you miss out on a few words in between. It should be: "My mommy stops getting a paycheck for working!!!"

Well, nevermind, it is too complex for her to understand. She is just a child. 

Well, to a certain extent, it is too complex for the world to understand too. 

So what does that make the world? 

A child 🤣

Diary of a Stay-At-Home-Mom

Before: I was working 60 hours a week, and sometimes on weekends too, for an institution called 'The Corporate World'

After: I am working120 hours a week, and always on weekends too, 'The Family'.

I am starting this series called Diary of a Stay-At-Home-Mom. It tells of the journey before and after, i.e. before I quit my job and after I quit my job on 7 August 2020.

The term Stay-At-Home-Moms (SAHM) is a misnomer. It should be changed to Work-At-Home-Moms (WAHM). There are tons of household chores to be done at home. We don’t just sit at home and sip tea. 

So why do I still use the former term as the title of my album? Because this is how the world understands it.