Super Family Night

I planned to have a Family Retreat today, but we were so tired that we only woke up at 10.30am. After brunch and school time, it was already 3pm. Daddy FECS and our Little FECS went to play football, so that I could prepare the dinner. They got back home and we had dinner at 5pm. We only started at 7pm after dinner and clean-up. So what was to be a full-day Family Retreat became a Super Family Night instead. Things don't always go perfectly as planned.

This is the programme/agenda I have planned for our Family Retreat/Super Family Night. It was very ambitious, and we only managed to accomplish half of them. Well, better than nothing.

We brought out our kid's size tea set and made honey lemonade as "tea" for our Little FECS. We cut some melon and persimmon fruit to go along. So it was all ready :-)

Review family calendar

Just after going through the first agenda point on reviewing our Family Calendar... and look what happen:

Daddy FECS got so sleepy that he ended up on the carpet, dozing off... so much for all my effort of trying to plan a family retreat and getting all on-board... the one that supposed to set an example for the child went off...!!!

I didn't know whether to cry or laugh... well, actually I laughed a lot... and our Little FECS couldn't stop laughing. He knew how much Mommy is holding up expectations for this Super Family Night, and it was just comical to get such a start... well, comical to say the least!

We laughed and laughed. Our Little FECS rang the bell to woke Daddy FECS up... to no effect. I decided to go and clean up the teapot, plates and fruit bowls that we had finished. I came back and we still couldn't get Daddy FECS to wake up. Just as I was getting a little disappointed and giving up our plan of a Super Family Night, Daddy FECS got up and we continued our very "fun and exciting" Super Family Night - fun and exciting at least to me. Thank God for this recovery. But that meant that time had passed quite a bit.

Share one thing we are thankful for the past year

I encouraged each one of us to share one thing to be thankful for the year that is past. Daddy FECS thought of one than one, in fact many. Our Little FECS could barely think of an example. I wrote all the things our family is thankful for in the journal... that last 6 months of work assignment went well for mommy, that it had been a good year for Daddy FECS at work, that our Little FECS adjustment to school went very well, that the memorial service for my father this year went very well, etc.

Share one regret for the past year and burn it

I then encouraged each of us to write down one regret for the year that past, that we were remorseful over and wanting to do better. Daddy FECS was a little skeptical, as he thought that it was very negative to do so. But no one is perfect, and there will always be room for improvement, and we should not be afraid to list our failure.

I started by sharing mine: I should not burst out when I am angry. I should not react, but response appropriately, when I am angry. This is something I am really remorseful about. I totally had a emotional melt-down, when I was so upset with Mr. FECS or our Little FECS just a few days ago. My reaction was completely wrong, and I was so ashamed. I have come to God on my knees in repentance. I  know I couldn't do it in my own strength, but we serve a great, compassionate and merciful God. He has forgiven me... my sin especially in this area, and released me with the freedom to try again. I am truly thankful to God. It is at times like that that the gospel of Jesus Christ illuminated to me and spoke to my heart of God's love and forgiveness. I found myself getting a deeper understanding of the gospel and why I have accepted Christ as the Lord and Master of my life. Tears of gratefulness just rolled down my cheeks... (not during tonight at our Super Family Night, but during my solitude time with God).

Our Little FECS got what I am sharing about by asking each of us to share one regret, and he began to share his. He said that for the new year, he wanted to play more with mommy and that he would try not to do things that make mommy upset and angry. Seeing our Little FECS getting into the momentum of sharing his regrets, Daddy FECS began to join in. He said that for the new year, he hope to spend less time browsing the internet and more time exercising.

We then burn the slips of paper with our regrets. We didn't have a fireplace, thus we burned them in a ceramic pot. Daddy FECS helped me with it. Initially, we tried to burn them at the balcony, but the wind was too strong. We ended up doing it under the suction of the stove. We put off the smoke with water.

Review family traditions for the past year and plan for this year

We then reviewed our Family Traditions for the last year and plan for this year. One of the activities I brought up was walkathon/marathon. Daddy FECS preferred to just go for a walk, without joining others. Our Little FECS gave a lesson to Daddy FECS on the Danish value of "fælleskab" (meaning community) and I took a video of it. I remembered that when I was a child, my mum used to take part in such events, and she had inspired me, but we have parked it for now, and will see if we will join a walkathon/marathon this year. 

Short lesson

Then we had a short lesson on family crest. Our Little FECS was very eager to design our family crest. He immediately went to take out a piece of paper and started drawing. He said that the star on top represent God. The two dots are God's eyes watching over us. The cross below represent Christ. 

After discussion, we have adopted the following motto as what our family stands for in our family crest: Encouragement, Cooperation, Respect and Grace.

Then our Little FECS played a piece for us - Bethlehem and Christmas Delight that he had practised for his piano lesson.

Browse family albums

We browsed through family photo albums with pictures before our Little FECS was born (we took a course in sushi-making and visited Japan) and the baby pictures of our Little FECS. Our Little FECS said that he looked very funny as a baby.

Super Family Sleep-In

We didn't manage to go through more program in the agenda and it was time for bed. After brushing teeth, we made a cave/blanket fort with bed sheet. Here was how it looked like. I read a small Bible story for our Little FECS and it was lights-off and it was already 11.30pm, way too late for our Little FECS.

That was how our Family Retreat/Super Family Night started and ended - as you can see, not perfect, and off to a bad start, but still very memorable for me. I thank God that it went well, even though it was very delayed and I didn't get to do all the things I planned to do. 

J Summary (6Y2M18D) - Walking Down Memory Lane with Blanket Time...

I had plans to do Montessori Maths Stamp Game activity today, but our Little FECS had other plans.

He spreaded out the mat and took out some of his favorite books. He called out loud, "Story Time, Story Time, Mommy." He said, "Can we do this first before Montessori?" He had forgotten that we used to call it Blanket Time, but he remembered the cozy time that we read together on the blanket. So this afternoon, we did "Blanket Time" the whole afternoon, after he returned from his Chinese class.

I said, "Ok, let's do Blanket Time." At the end of it, he took out 60 DKK and wanted to give me. I asked why. He said because he loves his mommy, and that mommy had been so nice to do what he wants. I was touched. It was his hard-earned money, doing chores at home, and yet he chose to give it for me, to show me how much he appreciated that I went along with his plan and wishes - i.e. Blanket Time, instead of Montessori. I was glad I "followed the child." 

However, I didn't want him to have the wrong idea that money can buy love, so I told him that I would have done so and love him, without him giving me the money. He still wanted to give me the money. I knew that it was not because he wanted to buy my love, but that he just wanted to show me appreciation. The money was his present. Assured that he didn't treat money as something to buy love, I left it as that.

I used to do Blanket Time with our Little FECS when he was a toddler one year old Saturday and Sunday morning until I couldn't remember how old he was... We had stopped doing it for a long time. 

It brought back so much sweet memories for me... and also reinforced how fast our child is growing up...

Hide-&-Seek Under Comforter's Cave

Age: From 2.5 years old

Materials:
1. Coffee table or dining table
2. 1 big comforter, blanket or bed sheet

Additional Information:
Joshua loves to hide under blankets and comforters. This is not exactly a real hide-&-seek game, as it is very obvious with the prominent cave, but nevertheless, it thrills Joshua a whole deal. It is something that Joshua does with Florian, while Mommy concentrates her energy on more serious Montessori stuff (so good to have Florian here to do silly things with Joshua). The most fun part is when you count to 3, and lift up the comforter! Lots of laughter! Remember to take some pictures to capture the memory for years down the road, when your child is grown up, and you look back with fondness those times...

This is so simple and a game played by all parents, but once in a while, it is good to be reminded that often the simple free games are good enough, and often one of the best ways to spend time with our children. I am posting it down to serve as fond memories and to remind myself never to forget such simple fun in our lives.

Build a Cozy Cave

Age: From 2.5 years old

Materials:
1. 2 chairs
2. 1 big bed sheet
3. Some clothes pegs

Additional Information:
I used to have a lot of fun building my own "house" at home when I was a child and have been wanting to try this with Joshua. Finally we did it today, since the weather was rather grey outside. We brought in the teddy bears too and read some books using torch light inside "Joshua's house".

Updates:

12 June 2014 (5Y3M7D)

At 5 years old, J is really into making caves. The other day, he got frustrated because he could not succeed. Today, he used the lap-tray as support for the roof. This was his own design and creation. It turned the whole living room upside-down - well almost, so for a neat freak like me, I endured it as I know it was fun for him. But I think my endurance will only last until the day after. He decided that he would like to sleep in his cave this evening.

References:

http://inthehouseofmamastacey.blogspot.dk/2011/12/build-teddy-bear-cave.html

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=how+to+build+a+blanket+fort

Blanket Time (for Babies/Pre-toddlers/Toddlers 14 – 20 months)

I heard about the concept of Blanket Time from “On Becoming Babywise” By Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam, a Christian-based parenting book. J has been running around when we are in church. One time when we visited a friend’s place, he was going around into people’s rooms. Then another time, he was taking toys from the host’s toddlers, as if he was in his own home! It is hard to bring J as guest to people’s homes.

I wanted so much for J to be able to do blanket time. But this is probably my greatest challenge, and I don’t think I will ever achieve it. But I will try, and it is alright if he doesn’t achieve it. There are still many good things both J and I will learn in the process.

But I so pleased that J achieved real Blanket Time today!!! He looked at picture books while I busied myself in the kitchen in the morning. I walked around, and he pointed out the pictures to me while on the blanket. I told him the name of the object in the picture without being with him on the blanket. When the timer went after 5 minutes, I told him that Blanket Time is finished and started folding the blanket. He understood and went to play with his push cart.

What is Blanket Time?

Blanket Time is a form of structured independent playtime, where babies/pre-toddlers/toddlers play on their own on a blanket, where mommy chooses the time, the place and the toys baby should play with. Blanket Time is very useful when visiting friends. You will know that your baby will be able to entertain himself, and will respect people’s property not to run around the whole house touching people’s things.

What are the objectives of blanket time?

1. To teach focus skills – so that baby does not jump from one toy to another without really exploring it

2. To teach parameter skills – so that baby is willing to stay in a place, although there is no playpen gates to restrain him

3. To teach obedience and self-control – so that baby will be willing to listen to the instructions of mommy and daddy

When to start?

Blanket Time is suitable for babies 12-24 months. You can start to get familiar with it before baby learns to crawl at around 8 months, however, that is not real blanket time, since he/she would not be able to get off the blanket by himself. Blanket Time training should start around 14 months for crawling or walking babies. I started J when he was around 14M3D old.

What is the ideal blanket size?

I use a 155 x 120cm blanket and it is a comfortable size. Not too big that it is unmanageable, not too small that it is too restrictive for baby.

What toy would be suitable?

It should be a toy that has some novelty effect, or could hold his attention for some time. For J, it is a couple of books or stacking rings. Don't worry, however, about changing toys too frequently. It is alright for the same toys for a week as it will help a child to play with what has been given to him.

How to implement blanket time?

1. Start with only 5 minutes at a time consistently every day or once a week

I started with J for 5 minutes with a timer every Saturday morning right after breakfast and potty time (since I am a working mom, I couldn’t do it during weekdays). If J is showing interest and wants to play longer, add more time. You can always add time again, but once you set the timer, you should not take time away. Slowly work it up to 15 minutes, 20 minutes and 45 minutes.

2. Choose a quiet enclosed spot at home

I chose a place at home where it is less distractive, which is along the “corridor” of our bedrooms. In this way, he could not go anywhere.

3. Start by having blanket time together

I sat with J on the blanket to read a book or two. This helps him to associate good feelings with the blanket – cozy time with mom on the blanket with a book. I did this for about 4 consecutive Saturdays to allow him to get used to it gradually.

4. Move to having blanket time together in an open space

On the 5th Saturday or so, I started by having our Blanket Time together along the corridor, followed by a session of Blanket Time together in a totally open space. I took the blanket downstairs and placed it on the floor beside the sofa in the living room, where there will be no natural boundaries provided by the corridor. I sat with him on the blanket together with some toys (not books, as I knew he would protest, and I did not want him to associate this experience with books) and put the timer to 5 minutes. Whenever he felt tempted to walk away, I would bring him back to the blanket, with much protest from him, of course! But I persisted on for 5 minutes until the timer rang. I did these two sessions for another 3 weeks.

5. Start getting further away from baby

After 3 weeks, I did the same routine, however, this time I tried to sit on the sofa just beside the blanket, instead of being with him on the blanket. In this way, I am not on the blanket, but am near enough to put him back on the blanket, if he strays and protests. J protested and cried and wanted me to play with him on the blanket. I brought him back to the blanket saying, “J, you need to stay on the blanket and play with your toys until the timer rings”. He protested and cried each time I brought him back. I persisted for 5 minutes. Five minutes was up and the timer rang - that was our blanket time session - pretty uneventful. This went on for weeks… I was feeling like I would never achieve Blanket Time, but I told myself that I have at least achieved Reading Time on the blanket together. Not many babies are willing to do that. And so I continued to persist for weeks…

Then finally one day, today 3.7.2010, he willingly sat down on the blanket when I laid the blanket down in the living room with some books on it. He stayed there and looked at the pictures books, with eye contact towards me, and also just alone looking at the books. I told him that I will be doing chores in the kitchen, and talked to him while I was doing chores, and he on the blanket. I walked around the living room, and he pointed to the picture in the book to me. I will tell him what that was, while still doing my own stuff. The timer rang, and the Blanket Time ended. J stayed there willingly without protesting or walking out of the blanket. J succeeded after about 2 months!!! He is 15M28 D today.

References:
http://havingfunathomeblog.blogspot.com/2008/10/13-everyday-objects-to-put-in-toddlers.html

http://www.babywisemom.com/

On Becoming Babywise by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam

On Becoming Babywise by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam is available from Amazon: