Monday 28 November 2016


Toy of the Day: Leap Frog Activity Center (6M13D)

28 November 2016 (6M13D): Felt that Baby FECS started to have an interest for cause-&-effect. So decided to let her try this toy. This was our Little FECS favorite, when he was a toddler.

Thursday 24 November 2016


Why did God allow suffering?

Why did God allow suffering? God, I used to be angry with you for the suffering in this world. But now, I no longer.

The greatest love is sometimes not about withholding suffering. The greatest love is going through the suffering with the person, and suffer alongside the person.

The easiest solution is just to remove suffering. No one suffers. No love needs to be shown. Life is easy. When life is easy, it is easy to love. That is self-love. True love is tested in the face of suffering.

Suffering shows the true heart of men. Many of us men fail miserably in the face of suffering, in the test of true love.

In face-to-face with suffering, I come to see my lack of growth and maturity. It shows that I have much to learn. Thank you for the continuing lesson.

God, You don't look the other way. You suffer alongside us. You are in pain, as much as we are in pain. By suffering alongside us, and winning the victory, You showed us the greatest love. Jesus didn't remove the suffering. He went through it courageously and came out victorious. For the love of mankind, He went through the suffering.

Wednesday 9 November 2016



We asked God, "God, why all these sufferings that my granny has to go through?"

My granny is panting for breath.
My granny cannot eat as she cannot shallow.
My granny lies in bed.
(But she is mentally alert, and amazing her dementia seemed to have totally disappeared. She is so mentally alert.)

God asked, "My dear child, do you remember, when you were a child down with a cold and a fever, how your mum tender loving love, waking up and staying up with you in the night, sponging you with ice-cubes, made you feel so loved and cared for?"

Me: "Yes God, I remember, and I am doing it for Joshua now. If I haven't been down with cold and fever, I would not have experienced such tender loving parental love."

God: "Similarly, it is a chance for you to show tender loving care to your granny, to clean her, to make her feel comfortable."

Sufferings is a result of the fallen creation. God does not take delight with sufferings, but He sometimes allow it.

Late in the night, I asked my Auntie Siew Hong, how she is able to give up her job and work part-time, to clean my granny her mother-in-law, to stay up in the night to watch and hold my granny, day-after-day, night-after-night.

Auntie Siew Hong said that she couldn't do it by herself. It is by walking with Jesus everyday, that Jesus enables her to do it.

The depth of what human love can show is only tested in the depth of sufferings.

In sufferings, love is glorified.
In sufferings, God is glorified.

I look at my granny.

She looks so loved.

She looks like a baby, like a child bathed in parental love.

She smiles, she is pampered.

She is bathed in love. She is enjoying it. In the evening, when her eight children come to visit her, I could see that she really enjoy the evening. She is mentally so alert (perhaps God has granted her the alertness to enjoy this, as her dementia seemed to have amazingly disappeared), so happy to see her children. All these years, how she long for her children and her grand children to visit her, few came. Now they all come. She is so happy.

In the end, it doesn't seem like she is suffering.

She is enjoying all the love that she is receiving.

She is still panting for breath.
She still cannot eat and cannot swallow.
She is still lying in bed.
Despite that, she is not giving up on life, she is still treasuring it, and living it courageously.
And she seems to be enjoying all these love, all these visits, that she has longed for for years...

Yes God, I understood it now. We have to be thankful for this opportunity, for this time with my granny. Our sufferings have meaning, although we may not have fully grasped it yet. It will in your own time, God. For now, I thank you God that you have answered my question sufficiently.

In sufferings, love is glorified.
In sufferings, God is glorified.

Of course, we should not only gather together during such a crisis. But alas, such is the down side of human nature - we don’t learn in good times. But God worked everything for the good, He used it to pull the family closer together.

There is a lesson to be learned in everything that comes our way. We are learning it the hard way. But we are thankful for this extended time given to my granny, and this extended time given to us.

God helped us realized that what my granny is going through is an opportunity to show love. In the midst of sufferings, love increased. Bonding tend to take place in the midst of sufferings. It helped the whole extended family to come together and unite the whole family.

Saturday 5 November 2016


A Letter to Granny

Birthday gathering with cousins at Telok Blangah... I am the girl in yellow

Dearest Ah Ma

I have so much I wanted to say to you, but each time we Facetime, words just disappeared, and I didn't know what to say. It seemed so awkward and mushy. Each time I put the phone down, I am filled with regret.

I thought that I have learned, since my father passed on, that I should take the courage to say words of appreciation to my loved ones, while they are still with us, even if the words may come out awkward and mushy. But alas, I couldn't. I just couldn't. It feels unnatural.

Perhaps it is the Asian up-bringing. We don't hug and say "I love you," to our kids or to our parents. But deep down inside, we know that we love our loved ones. And deep down inside, I know that you know that I love you.

Asians are men of few words. We are not as articulate, even with our loved ones. But that's ok. I know that God has accepted me as I am, for my reticence. We have accepted one another. It's alright. It is the presence that count, even if it is just silent presence. We say "I love you" with our hearts.

But, Ah Ma, I am the type who writes, so I will write to you instead. Perhaps that's why most reticent people are very lasting bloggers.

Dear Ah Ma, I will write you a letter. I will pen down my heart-felt words to you. I hope I will have the courage to read it to you.

I want to tell you how much I appreciate you, and how much I have learned from you, how to become a loving grandmother.

I remember when I stayed with you occasionally during the school holidays at Telok Blangah. How I would wake up, and you would ask me, "Ler ai jiak me gai?" what I would like for breakfast - milo with kaya, noodle soup, roti prata sprinkled with sugar or curry? I would make my choice and you would always fulfill my wish.

My favorite is your Yee Mee noodle soup. You would marinate the chicken and cook it for me, while I brushed my teeth and get ready.

Your voice, your loving tender singsong teochew voice, still rings in my ears.

Years passed, I moved to Denmark... you could no longer cook. I sometimes try to re-create your Yee Mee noodle soup, but it just doesn't taste like yours. I wish I had ask you for the recipe, while you still could cook, before dementia catches up with you. Your special noodle soup will be lost forever...

Although I don't quite make it like you did, it still reminds me of you, each time I cook it. Do you know that I make Yee Mee noodle soup for J now, and he loves it?

As a child, after dinner, Ah Gong and you would say, "Come, let's go for a walk, good for food digestion." You would say in teochew, "kia, nan khee kia kia," Did you know that my heart would leap up with joy? I had never tell you, but I guessed you could see that in our expression as children. Each time I thought of it, I could still feel the joy I experienced as a child. You love jalan jalan, and I love jalan jalan. We would walk up to Stream Garden at Telok Blangah Hill. Dear Ah Ma, did you know that I was observing Ah Gong and you? Ah Gong and you would walk side-by-side, leisurely and lovingly. I don't remember if you guys held hands, but you would walk together and you could walk for long. You showed me how to be loving to your spouse in marriage, in your own special Asian way. Ah Gong and your marriage was a tower of strength, even though Ah Gong was a man of few words. You showed me how to be tolerant. I asked my mother, and she told me that Ah Gong and you hardly pickle.

My brother recalled that Ah Gong and you brought us for jalan jalan at Chinatown. We would ask to ride those small electric cars at People's Park, and you would give us the coins for it.

I remembered how you would call out my baby sister, "Meimei..." These are my memories of you.

Dear Ah Ma, in your younger days, you were the central source that gathered the family. I remembered how during school holidays and birthday celebrations, all our aunties, uncles and cousins would gather at Telok Blangah. My mum, Aunt Alice, Aunt Misah, Dua Kim would be busy in the kitchen making Mee Rebus or Mee Siam for lunch and preparing steamboat for dinner. Then at night, the whole living room will be turned into the sleeping quarter with mattresses all laid out on the floor end-to-end. All the cousins would sleep side-by-side on the mattresses on the floor, and it was so much fun. That was one of the best things I looked forward to as a child, the simple joy of camping at your place in the living room. Now that is one of the best time of my life that I look back with joy. Long before I learned about the American family tradition of Family Fun Night, you have already taught us that concept. Our childhood were so much more enriched, because of you. Each time when my tiger-mom tendency rears its ugly head, I will remember you and let J and C have the kind of bonding time that you had given me with their grandparents.

Days passed, years passed... Ah Gong passed on... you could no longer live on your own... the Telok Blangah flat was sold... we no longer have the Family Fun Night with the cousins like we used to do... and I look at all that I missed with sadness.

But towards the very old age of your life, you once again become the central gathering source... through the very trying period that we are now going through, seeing you going through a very trying period... You pulled the family together, speaking forgiveness in our hearts, breaking down pride and bringing healing as we all gather around you by your bedside with the love that surrounds the silence.

Dear Ah Ma, although you didn't have an education and can't read a single character, yet you trusted Jesus with a simple child-like faith that touched my heart. Although everything that takes place in church is in English, you wanted to go to church and went to church regularly. When you got weaker, you still asked to go to church. Although you didn't receive any education, I am really amazed and touched that God could reach deep down to your heart and touch you, and enable you to believe in Him. You are in good hands, Ah Ma, you are in good hands. God will take care of you forever.

Dear Ah Ma, do you know that you are an amazing and admirable woman? I have learned so much from you, as you model your life for us, simply just by living it the way you are. When I become a grandma, I hope to learn to be as loving like you have been to me as my grandma. I hope to learn to speak in the warm tone like you do to my grandchildren.

I need to pray, that I would somehow know how to translate this letter to you in Teochew.
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