Encouragement for Your Marriage: A Princess of Grace Pursues Peace

 

 A Princess of Grace seeks and pursues peace.

Two people going their own selfish ways cannot experience the oneness of marriage.

A Princess of Grace makes an intentional effort to seek and pursue peace.

How do we pursue peace?

1. Live for things that really matter - peace at home.

2. Talk gently. Don't yell or use words that tear each other down.

3. Take the initiative to actively go after reconciliation, rather than waiting for the other person to take the first step.

4. Maintain as much physical contact as possible with your spouse during conflict resolution - hold hands as you talk.

5. Strive to be the one who resolves conflicts in your marriage, not the one who starts them.

6. Forgive your spouse and don't hold grudges. Don't dredge up misdeeds from the past.

Part of loving your spouse involves forgiving him/her daily. 

When you eagerly seek to forgive, you are pursuing peace, you are pursuing oneness, not isolation.

Don’t keep records of wrongs and don’t let the negatives build up. This brings peace to you and your home.

"Blessed are the peacemakers." - Matthew 5:9

"Seek peace and pursue it." - 1 Peter 3:11

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家和万事兴

"使人和平的人有福了" - 马太福音 5:9

"寻找并追求和睦。" - 彼得前书 3:11

LOVE (Part 2)

"Darling, I love you."

L-O-V-E, the four-letter word is so easy to spell, so simple, yet so profound.

It's so easy to say you love someone. It's cheap. It doesn't cost a cent to say that.

But if you truly love someone, your love will be put to the test. And if you come through the test, then you truly have true love.

What exactly is love?

• Love is patient. 
• Love is kind. 
• Love is respectful.
• Love is gracious.
• Love is tender.
• Love is looking to the interest of the other.
• Love is long-suffering.
• Love is supportive.
• Love is humble.
• Love is gentle.
• Love is peace.
• Love is big-hearted.
• Love is selfless.
• Love is honesty.
• Love is tolerant. 
• Love is trust.
• Love is staying power.
• Love is commitment.
• Love bears all things. 
• Love overlooks an offense.
• Love is thoughtful.
• Love is seeing the good of someone.
• Love believes the best of the other.
• Love draws out the best of the other.
• Love keeps every confidence.
• Love is faithfulness.
• Love is safety and security.
• Love is loyalty.
• Love is self-control.
• Love is unconditional acceptance.
• Love thinks the best of the other.
• Love is hope.
• Love endures.
• Love perseveres.
• Love doesn't give up.
• Love keeps going to the end.

And what is not love?

• Rudeness is not love.
• Irritability is not love.
• Anger is not love.
• Harshness is not love.
• Sarcasm is not love.
• Self-interest is not love.
• Quick-temper is not love.
• Seeking benefit is not love.
• Inflated with pride is not love.
• Insisting on your way is not love.
• Haughtiness is not love.
• Swelled head is not love.
• Selfishness is not love.
• Self-seeking is not love.
• Resentment is not love.
• Quick to take offense is not love.
• Giving up is not love.
• Vindictive is not love.
• Lust is not love.
• Envy is not love.
• Jealousy is not love.
• Covetousness is not love.
• Flaunting oneself is not love.
• Holding grudges is not love.
• Keeping score is not love.
• Keeping records of wrong is not love.

Love does not come by itself. Love takes training to grow strong.

As you train your mental endurance by going to school, as you train your physical endurance by jogging, make sure that you train your endurance to finish well in love.

Love comes forth as gold through good times and through bad times.

Love comes forth as gold in sickness and in health.

Love comes forth as gold for better and for worse.

Love comes forth as gold for riches and for poorer.

That's true love.

The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

4. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not envy. Love does not boast and is not puffed up,

5. It is not rude. It is not selfish. It is not provoked to anger. It keeps no records of wrong.

6. It does not rejoice in injustice but rejoices in the truth.

7. It bears all things. It believes all things. It hopes all things. It endures all things.

8. Love never fails.

Dear God, let me live out true love in my life.

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没有国, 哪有家?

没有家, 哪有国?

要有国, 才有家。

要有家, 才有国。

没有爱，哪有家？

没有家，哪有爱？

要有一个强盛的家，才有一个强盛的国。

要有一个强盛的国，才有一个强盛的家。

爱、家、国是分不开的。

哥林多前书 13:4-8

4 爱是恒久忍耐，又有恩慈。爱是不嫉妒，不自夸，不张狂； 5 不作失礼的事，不求自己的益处，不轻易动怒，不计较人的过犯； 6 不喜欢不义，只喜欢真理。 7 爱是凡事包容，凡事相信，凡事盼望，凡事忍耐。8 爱是永存不息的。先知的讲道终必过去，方言终必停止，知识终必消失。

天父啊，请您让我在我的生命里活出真爱。

Divorce Rate in J's Class

A few weeks ago, J came home looking angry, sad, hurt and insecure... I was concerned. I asked him why. 

He said that his friend in class was sad and had been crying, as his friend's parents' have just gotten divorced.

I was surprised by the effect it has on J since it was not us who were divorcing. That image stayed in my mind and heart.

J wished to take the pain from his friend, but he couldn't.

In a class of 20-22 students, one after another, each year, there are 1-2 couples from his class that have left each other and gotten divorced. One father left his friend's mother for another man! Soon it will be down to 50% who are married and 50% who are divorced, fitting the Danish statistics.

Every day, there is someone in J's class who is crying in class even after a few years of their parents' divorce. What are the teachers doing, I asked? But what can the teachers do?

A friend who is a doctor in Denmark witnesses daily the psychological problems and pains the Danish kids face. She sees them every day. I said, "That cannot be true. Danish kids look so happy, assertive and well-balanced." My doctor friend said that what I see is only on the surface. She told me, "E, trust me, one should never ever consider divorce. It's the worst thing one can do to their kids, in the name of their own happiness." Thank you, dear friend. I will remember your words and advice for life.

We see the parents of J's classmates at the parents-teachers' meeting. My heart aches for them. My heart aches for their children. I wish I have the magic wand and bring them back blissfully together. But I can't. I don't have the power. That only happens in fairytales. Marriage is not a bed of roses. There are good times and there are bad times. When you are married to someone, you are bound to get hurt every now and then, as human beings are not perfect. In fact, all human beings suffer from the main character flaw of being instinctively self-centered.

The divorce rate is approx. 50% in Denmark. For second marriages it is 60%. For third marriages, it is 80%. It doesn't get easier with more experience it seemed. It is not rosier in Singapore either. 

Has love died? What is love?

J has seen far too many divorces in his class. He asked if Daddy FECS and I would also divorce.

I said to J, "Mommy and Daddy are not perfect. But learning from our mistakes, holding each other's hands and God's hands, we will stay together to the end." That gave him assurance. That night he slept well.

This is why I am starting this series on marriage. Not that we have attained a perfect marriage, but let us learn together to protect and nurture our marriage well.

Encouragement for Your Marriage: A Princess of Grace is kind

 

    

A Princess of Grace is kind.

Extend kindness to your spouse, even when he/she doesn't deserve it. 

Kindness is love in work boots.

Kindness is an essential ingredient for a strong, healthy marriage.

To be a loving person is to be a kind person.

A kind person is someone who takes the initiative to actively and lavishly seek to bless another person.

What does kindness look like in a marriage?

Kindness is:

- a readiness to do good, 
- to help, 
- to relieve burdens, 
- to be useful, 
- to be tender, 
- to be sympathetic toward others.

What is the opposite of kindness in a marriage?

- rudeness,

- irritability

- resentment

- selfishness

There are essentially 3 elements of kindness:

1. Attitude

2. Words

3. Actions

How does having a right attitude toward your spouse look like?

The goal is to help your spouse to thrive, flourish and prosper in this life. I want you to be the person God created you to be. Even if it costs me something, I am ready to do what it costs me.

What does kindness look like in words to your spouse? For example,

- Tell your spouse, You are my no. 1 fan"

- Tell your spouse, "I am so proud of you."

- Tell your spouse, "You are God's perfect gift to me."

“Life and death are in the power of the tongue.” Proverbs 18:21

How does kindness look like in actions to your spouse? For example,

- Taking the initiative to reconcile after a fight.

- Knowing all the flaws of your spouse and accepts them unconditionally.

- Serving breakfast in bed on weekends.

- Walks your spouse to the door when he/she is going to the office.

- Stands at the door until he/she is pulled away in the car.

- Blow him/her kisses.

- Even when your spouse may not have made the best decision, you still honor him/her.

In the middle or after a fight, instead of choosing to be vindictive, instead of reminding your spouse of all that he/she has done wrong, or how he/she can make it better, if you are able to say to your spouse that he/she is God's perfect gift for you, you are responding with kindness.

Such a response is only possible through the power of the Holy Spirit of God in us. To be filled with the Holy Spirit/to walk in the Holy Spirit means that you spend time with God, you read His Word and pray to Him, you are aware of His presence, you are aware of His power in your life, and when you are empty, you go to Him to fill you up. You don't go to your spouse and ask him/her to fill up your love tank.

Remember, saying unkind things to your spouse in your marriage will never cause your love for each other to grow, it won't cause your marriage to thrive. We have to guard our hearts and our tongues and seek to speak words that are positive, encouraging and uplifting, words of loving kindness that bring life to another person.

The more you love your spouse the way love is supposed to look like, the better your marriage becomes. If your marriage has some rough spots, those start to get worked out as you start to do what the Bible says what we are supposed to do in how we love each other. Your marriage will move to a new place where love deepens, where you move deeper into oneness with your spouse, and you experience real joy that comes with doing marriage God's way - loving each other God's way.

The presence of kindness in a marriage is one of the best long-term predictors of marital success.

Reference:

https://www.familylife.com/podcast/familylife-today/why-love-is-kind/?fbclid=IwAR1TZMDHKhfsC7_xLcWli8LcyCuCwcfTaYVOfwcmlTT8Yvy_lBQBk6jnDmk

https://www.familylife.com/podcast/familylife-today/love-is-kind/

Chinese Chicken Drumsticks on a Pan

 

Ingredients:

1. 2 packets of chicken drumsticks

2. 2 cloves of garlic chopped

3. 2 slices of ginger deskinned

4. 1 stalk of spring onions sliced

5. 1 TBS oyster sauce

6. 1 TBS of light soy sauce

7. 1 TBS of dark soy sauce

8. 1 TBS rice wine

9. 1 heap tsp potato starch

10. 1 tsp sugar (optional)

Directions:

1. Slice 3 slits on the drumsticks front and back.

2. Heat pan with cooking oil.

3. Add chicken drumsticks.

4. Add garlic and ginger.

5. Turn over the chicken drumsticks and lower heat to no. 7.5 out of 9 on my stove and cover with lid.

6. Meanwhile, mix light soy sauce, dark soy sauce, oyster sauce, rice wine, potato starch and sugar in a bowl and mix well.

7. Add sauce into the chicken and cover.

8. Remove cover, stir and turn the chicken drum sticks over and cover for another 2 minutes or so.

9. Sprinkle over spring onions, off fire and serve with rice.

Additional information:

Today I had the opportunity to learn how to cook this dish with Aunty Da Jie. What a privilege. Dinner's done and we get to try a new dish :-) It's so delicious. Will make it again.

Encouragement for Your Marriage: Learn to put up with a few things

    Learn to put up with a few things

This is marriage advice from a couple married for 60 years.

The Bible calls it forbearance. 

What is forbearance? 

1. It means tolerance, gentleness, leniency, patience, or refraining from the enforcement of a right or obligation that is due. 
2. Related words are courtesy, clemency, mercy, indulgence, restraint and temperance. 
3. Forbearance is the opposite of being judgmental, vindictive, and paying back tit-for-tat. The literal meaning of forbearance is holding back. In classical Greek, it is used as a truce of arms.
4. It means that when my husband does or says something that I don’t particularly like or agree with, I don’t snip back at him. Instead, I cut him some slack, give him grace, and overlook the behavior or the offense.
5. It means to be kind, soft and courteous toward my husband, even when he is being grumpy, even when he doesn’t deserve it.
6. It means having a soft spirit and a soft tongue. 

The Bible teaches that this will get us a whole lot further than impatience. 

“By forbearance a ruler may be persuaded, and a soft tongue breaks the bone.” (Prov. 25:15)

Reference:

https://www.reviveourhearts.com/true-woman/blog/learn-to-put-up-with-a-few-things/

Encouragement for Your Marriage: Just hang in there

 

    Just hang in there.

Life isn’t always easy and perfect. You often have to just hang on. *

* Marriage advice from a couple married for 70 years.

Marriage isn’t always all roses. There will be moments of frustration and moments of anger! There will be misunderstandings and miscommunications. It can be difficult. You have to hang in there.

Reference:

https://www.babywisemom.com/marriage-just-hang-in-there/

Encouragement for Your Marriage: You can choose to be happy or you can choose to be right.

 

    You can choose to be happy or you can choose to be right.

Sometimes we need to choose happiness over being right.

"Let him who means to love life, and see good days, seek peace and pursue it" - 1 Peter 3:10-11

Happiness = Peace

What is peace?

Peace is reconciliation

Peace is unity

Peace is contentment

Encouragement for Your Marriage: Be a Princess of Grace

    

Be a princess of grace. 

Extend grace to your spouse, even when he/she doesn't deserve it. 

That's love.

Complaining and sophisticated nagging gets you nowhere as a wife. Love is the best way.

Do not return an insult for insult, but return an insult with a blessing.

What does that mean?

To give a blessing means:

1. Step aside or simply refuse to retaliate if your spouse gets angry, or when you are hurt by his words. Changing your natural tendency to lash out, fight back, or tell your spouse off is difficult and runs counter to your human nature. Thus, you need to ask for the "king's" help i.e. by praying to God. God will answer your prayer and give you the ability to do so.

2. Do something good such as speaking gently and kindly, or a touch, a hug, or a part on the shoulder, or making a special effort to make his favorite dish. Don't do it just one time. Do so for the next 30 days.

3. Pursue peace. Take the initiative to reconcile quickly, before the icy walls come up - and they come up fast! When you are doing so, you are pursuing oneness. The opposite is the feelings of loneliness and isolation creeping in.

Be patient. When you do so, watch how your spouse's heart slowly starts to melt and the icy walls start coming down.

Lastly, remember, being a Princess of Grace does not make you a doormat. It is the most classy and regal act one can do that sets apart the real princesses from the ordinary. And practice makes perfect. So don't give up.

Reference:

https://www.reviveourhearts.com/true-woman/blog/learn-to-put-up-with-a-few-things/

C Summary (4Y6M8D): I Want to be a Good Mom

On the way home, our 4 yaer old daughter suddenly told me, "Mommy, when I grows up, I want to be a good mom. I want to have two kids, a boy and a girl. The boy will be 11 years old and the girl will be 4 years old. And when they are naughty, I will give them time-out."

Aaahhh... our Baby FECS is so cute... so innocent, so simple and so so cute. I couldn't resist and gave her a tight hug and kiss at that moment. In the midst of this cute conversation with her, it also made me reflect deeply, how keenly I am made aware of how much of an influence I have on her, how much she is observing me, and looking up to me. Yet so often, I am not the best model as a mom. Countless times I have torn down things down with my own words and actions.

Dear God, in life, please let me be a helper that builds my husband up, please let me be a channel that builds my family up. I can't do it with my own strength. Please cover all the wrongs I have done and let it not affect our children."

Tomorrow is a new day to re-set and start again, with the grace that God provides. I am back to the school of life to learn again how to be a good mom.

Proverbs 14:1 "A wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down."

在回家的路上小女儿突然对我说：“妈妈，我长大后要当一个好妈妈，我要有两个孩子，一男一女，男的11岁，女的4岁。要是我的孩子坏蛋的话，我就会给他们timeout。”

在这可爱的对话中也让我深思了。我的一举一动，小女儿都紧紧得在观察着向着我看齐。这真让我深深地体会到什么叫做妈妈对孩子们的影响力是多么大的。这重大的责任，我很多时候都没办法做好。

主啊，在我的生命里，请您让我做我的先生身旁的好帮手，让我做我的家庭身边的好帮手。请您淹盖我一切的过错，不要让它们影响到我的孩子们。

我会再接再厉继续努力，继续上课学习做个好妈妈。

”智慧妇人，建立家室；愚妄妇人，亲手拆毁。” 箴言14:1

Encouragement for Your Marriage: Ask yourself once a month, "How would I like to be married to me?"

 

 

   Ask yourself once a month, "How would I like to be married to me?"

How would you rate you as a marriage partner?

Are you easy to live with?

How do you enrich the relationship?

What are the positive qualities you bring to your marriage?

That simple question can do more to help you ensure the success of your marriage than just about anything else :-)

Diary of a Stay-At-Home-Mom

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to study and a time to play,

a time to sleep and a time to wake up,

a time to go to university and a time to graduate,

a time to work and a time to rest,

a time to build a business and a time to build a home,

a time to pursue one’s own personal and professional goal and a time to focus on the family,

a time to make money and a time to spend it,

a time to spend money and a time to save it.

Now is the time for me to devote myself to be a professional mom :-)

Dear Lord, in life please graciously give us the wisdom and the discernment to do the right thing at the right time.

Diary of a Stay-At-Home-Mom

 

How strange, before becoming a full-time mom, I was a very task and result-oriented person (I still am).

After being a full-time mom, I have gained a new skill that many companies value, especially in the department of HR 🙂

I have become a lot more people-oriented (read: going to cafes and restaurants, sipping coffee like a Singaporean tai tai).

So nice, I have gained a new skill 🙂

P.S. Er... but I am not sure if this skill is so valued by my special one though 😂

Diary of a Stay-At-Home-Mom

 

"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing it well." - Mærsk Mc-Kinney Møller

Yes, this is what I aspire to be - a professional mom 🙂

Thank you Daddy FECS for giving me this and opportunity and time. I cherish it greatly. It’s a lot of hard work, but also a lot of joy. I know that it’s a privilege that I am not taking it for granted.

I may not have the talents to be an outstanding mom, I still make mistakes and fail each day. But I can surely devote my best to be the best mom that I can be 🙂

Press on all mommies out there. Your labour and sacrifice is not in vain 🙂

And below is a web resource to help professional moms like me:

https://www.hearts-at-home.org/