Sunday, 28 July 2013

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J Summary (4Y4M22D) - Two Imperfect Mommy & Daddy Learning to Resolve Conflicts with God's Help




Yesterday's post may give readers an incorrect picture that our lives are always rosy, that we are a perfect, carefree and sunny family always. That's not the full picture. We are a happy family no doubt, but we are both very imperfect and have our struggles. I will let you in a few details. By sharing our human-ness, we hope that you will not judge us. We share, because we do not want to discourage others with a picture of an unatainable perfect family, as some of my posts may come across.

Yesterday ended well, but it started out in a little rough water.

Daddy: Let's go for a long walk along the lake.

Mommy: Great idea, let's go to the lake, but let's go and teach J how to cycle there instead of a long walk.

Daddy: Why start now when we have plenty of time?

Mommy: Why wait, when we have the time now? And we may not have the time later.

Daddy: It is better to wait until the weather is colder, so that J is well-padded from the winter jacket to sustain any fall. If he falls down now, he may not want to learn to cycle anymore.

Mommy: But that's why I have given him the long-sleeved t-shirt, gloves and jeans that cover his knee-caps. He is also wearing helmet and shoes. That's good enough. The falls won't be so painful. Besides, if he learns to cycle during fall or winter, the thick winter clothes would be too cumbersome and gets in the way.

Daddy: But he will know how to cycle when he is ready. He will ask for it, when he wants to learn how to cycle.

Mommy: But he is ready to learn how to cycle now. He has asked for it, but your fear of him falling down has influenced him and made him afraid. Now, he said he will wait until he is 8 years old to learn how to cycle :-(

Daddy: And I have spent a lot of time to put on the training wheels, and I don't want to have to put it back on again.

Mommy to herself: (But that should not be a reason to hindle J to learn to cycle. It is a little like buying a Mercedes car, and because it takes too much effort to maintain it, one keeps it unused in the garage... but Mommy kept quiet... and trying very hard not to say any words that would hurt)

Inner self: We may not have the time later. There may be unforeseen encounters that come up such as you have to go for unexpected business trip, I have to go for unexpected business trip, we have unexpected overseas visit... etc. etc. and these unexpected events happen... OFTEN.

Inner Self: Besides, we don't have plenty of time in the years ahead. The goals before J starts primary school is to be able to cycle and to be able to swim, so that he can focus on learning other things such as tennis, basketball, soccer, skating, skiing, when he starts school.... And he will enter school in 2 years' time. WE DON'T HAVE SO MUCH TIME LEFT!!! So the aim this year is to learn how to cycle, so that we can concentrate mastering swimming by next year. And J will be starting swimming class in September. Furthermore, after the school vacation break, the piano, music and Chinese classes will also start again. If there is time to learn how to cycle, it is NOW.

Holy Spirit: My child, don't be proud, don't fight back, don't hit back with hurtful words, submit to your husband.

Inner Self: Why can't he have a greater sense of urgency? Oh, Daddy must be thinking why must she always be so goal-oriented for every single thing she does!!!

Inner struggle...

Inner struggle not to argue back...

Holy Spirit: Elaine, remember Philippians 2: 3-4 "Do not act out of selfish ambition or conceit, but with humility think of others as being better than yourselves. Do not be concerned about your own interests, but also be concerned about the interests of others."

Inner Self: God, help me to obey the wisdom of the Holy Spirit. I am fighting my pride and self-centredness... I always want to win, I am struggling... help me to shut my mouth and keep it shut. God, help me to resist my tendency of being a tiger-mom, and frustrate Daddy.

Inner struggle...

Inner struggle not to argue back...

Holy Spirit: Elaine, remember, Love is eternal, when forgivness never ends.

Inner struggle...

Inner struggle, inner struggle not to snap back....

Daddy: Do you really want to take off the training wheels?

Mommy: Yes.

Daddy: Ok, you don't regret ya.

Mommy: No regrets.

(Daddy started taking off the training wheels.)

Daddy: Now you can support J on the bicycle.

Mommy: Okie, thank you dear (but mommy had a hard time supporting J on the bicycle.)

Mommy: Would you like to take over to support J on his bicycle?

Daddy: Ok, let me do it.





Mommy: Shall I take over, so that you can rest?

Daddy: It is alright. It is too heavy for you. I will do it.

Mommy: So sweet of you :-)







The trip was really fun. Daddy could see that it was the right decision. J was taking it well. The falls weren't bad. The trip ended well. It was very memorable.

Holy Spirit: Remember to affirm your husband and thank him for a good job. Remember to affirm J and tell him that he has been very brave and he should be very proud of learning how to cycle.

Mommy: J, you have been so brave. You have managed to complete the whole trip. You will surely learn how to cycle with more practice. And Daddy, you did a fantastic job teaching and supporting J how to cycle. I could not have done it without you.

Daddy: (All smiles and a kiss)

Mommy: Sorry for being such an annoying kiasu tiger-mom. I will learn to be more relaxed and just enjoy the sun.

Daddy: It's alright. That's why I love you for.


Daddy in the basement trying to put on the supporting pole:


The supporting pole was fixed and J tried to cycle with Daddy support. And Daddy managed to let off slip a few times, and J was cycling fine.

We will practice again tomorrow. Thank you Daddy. Thank you God, for helping me to hold my mouth, swallow my pride and not to fight back today.







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