Thursday, 23 April 2015

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How To Achieve Balance and Counter the Negative Aspects of Being a "Tiger Mom"?


I mentioned that our Little FECS received a good final year report from his kindergarten. His kindergarten principal gave us the credit for the willingness to invest our time in our Little FECS and they could see the results.

Although this made me very glad for the decision we made of me going part-time 1.5 years ago, I need to ensure that I continue to achieve the right balance. I know that I have a tendency to behave like a "Tiger Mom," thus I need to guard against the negative aspects and to tame the "tiger" in me.

4 Ways to Achieve Balance

The 4 following ways help me to achieve a good balance:

1. Mixture of free play and structured activities

Asian moms have a tendency to overschedule our children's life with enrichment programmes that have specific targeted goals for developing logical and ordered thinking, discipline, abstract thinking. Good as they are, we need to have a mixture of free play that allows the child to quieten down himself, room to think and reflect, to develop self-motivation, initiative and retain his passion for learning. Both are equally important.

2. 1 "Rest Day" a week

To achieve balance, dedicate one day a week as a "do-nothing" day. Give my kid room. Ask, "what do you think we should do tomorrow?"

For us, I have dedicated Sundays as our "Rest Day." On Sundays, our Little FECS rests from Montessori activities, rests from doing homework, rests from practising the piano. It is a day, where he gets to do only the things he wishes (but with a caveat - no iPad nor TV the whole day).

Sunday is also the day that we devote to worship God, to learn to quieten ourselves before Him, to ponder upon His Word, to read Bible stories, to sing Bible songs and to learn to know our God more personally. It is also the day we conduct our Weekly Family Meeting Night.

3. Listen to your child

Our kindergarten principal advised us that it is important to listen to your child and she shared with us the recommendations made by the EPPSE 1997-2014 study. We can listen to our child by asking:

"What do you imagine..."
"If I asked Nete, would she think the same..."
"How can we find out..."
"Why do you think that..."
"Do you think everyone would think the same..."
"When I think about that I..."
"I don't know, what do you think..."
"Why do you agree..."
"Was it always like this..."
"Tell me more about that..."

Here is how you ask in Danish...


4. Pray

I will continue to strive to achieve balance and it is important to be sensitive to God's prompting. God does let us know, when we get out of balance, be it in our life or with our child. God did so by sending us J's principal :-)

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