Wednesday, 6 December 2017

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The 3 C’s of a Great Marriage


I chanced upon this article and I am summarizing it as a way for me to digest it and apply it. Indeed, God is reminding me the importance of communication and conflict management. I can't say that I have mastered these skills to perfection... I am still a work-in-progress... it is humbling to realize that... but our God is a good and great and kind God. He comes alongside us, help us in our weaknessess, cheer us on in our journey of continuous character development...

The three critical ingredients of a great marriage:

1. C - Commitment
2. C - Communication
3. C - Conflict Management

1. Commitment

  • True love in marriage is not based on just emotional feelings. Emotional feelings come and go.
  • In marriage, you believe that love is commitment, love is a decision.
  • You decide to do the loving thing for the person you are married to because you are committed.
  • You are committed even when things aren’t working out well.
  • Commitment isn’t something that’s two weeks or two months or two years. You are committed to this person for the rest of your life.
  • You believe in that person and you make each other’s life even better.


2. Communication

  • Poor communication style that will sure end a marriage: When we begin harshly, in a rude form, in a mean way, when we communicate.
  • We start feeling negative about the other person.
  • We start accusing them of things.
  • And then we go into bad opinion about them.
  • Then we can’t fix the discussion or the problem we are dealing with, because we feel bad about the person, because the communication began in the wrong way.
  • Good communication:  Start by complimenting the person and say, “I want to discuss this.”


3. Conflict Management

  • Marriage comprised of a commitment to this person. 
  • You want to stay married to him for the rest of your life, but you know that you need to communicate. But in communication and in family, there is always conflict issues.
  • And conflict issues have been here since the beginning of time. It is very common, all families face it. The key is learning how to handle conflict in your home, even in family where there are children, we can come to the right conclusions.
  • In appropriate conflict handling: Yelling at each other, calling each other names.
  • Although these are learned behavior, everything that you have learned to do, you can unlearn.
  • You have to know this: When in conflict, there is escalating conflicts and anger, that’s a danger sign that you need to be careful and kind of slow it down. Give it some time.
  • Then you start avoiding each other, because you can’t talk or you can’t be around each other. 
  • We can take a little break from each other, because every relationship is a challenge, but when we are avoiding each other, hiding from each other, because we are afraid of conflict, that’s not the answer. Or we start disrespecting the other person, putting them down, not respecting them.
  • And what can happen in a conflict if we are not careful, we can develop negative habits where we are continuing using words that are inappropriate or yelling.
  • God doesn’t want that to happen to you. 
  • God wants you to want to be with each other.
  • We have a good God that created us to love people, especially love the person you are married to.
  • We need to honor the person we are married to. Respect who they are, and who God created them to be.
  • You can learn how to manage conflict and how to communicate in appropriate ways. You will get better at it if you trust God and let Him help you. And if you read the Bible and understand there are good ways to treat people, the people that you love and you are committed to. 
  • God will help you to learn how to communicate better.
  • God will help you to be committed to your husband.
  • That He has created a very special person you can learn how to communicate with and you can be committed to him/her for all of your life. And God will help you with conflict issues.
  • I want you to know that God’s on your side, because God created marriage. He created marriage as a gift for you. And I hope that you trust Him as you decide to be married for the rest of your life.
  • The best way to make your life work is to be connected to your Creator.

I have been prayerfully thinking about what my personal development goal(s) for next year 2018 should be... so it's no guess what two of them will be now :-) I will consciously work on my communication skills and my conflict management skills... plus one other...

What are your goals for next year?

Prayerfully commit them to God, and He will bless you, and as you look back in one year's time, and marvel at the progress you have made :-)

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