Lee Kuan Yew and his wife Kwa Geok Choo
Tales of
Two Great Chinese Leaders, One Fallen and One Stands
The recent
case of a Jensen Huang is hard-breaking to hear. One-by-one, yet another giant
has fallen.
Is it at
all possible to stay happily married for life? Yet we should not be discouraged.
Yes, it is
possible. Many great and powerful men have stayed happily married. And one such
man is Mr. Lee Kuan Yew.
Yet we must
not underestimate the danger of temptations. In this fallen world, marriages will
be under attack left, right, center. This incident serves as a teachable moment
to teach our son and daughter. We have to teach our children how they can have
a healthy marriage, and what they should do to protect their marriage.
But how do
we go about to teach our kids? You can discuss it during dinner time or
bed-time and teach them. You can also write them a letter. Below is a guide:
My dearest J,
The Bible's Warning Against the Adulterous Woman
Proverbs 7:
"1 My son, keep my words
and store up my commands within
you.
2 Keep my commands and you will live;
guard my teachings as the apple
of your eye.
3 Bind them on your fingers;
write them on the tablet of your
heart.
4 Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,”
and to insight, “You are my
relative.”
5 They will keep you from the adulterous woman,
from the wayward woman with her
seductive words.
6 At the window of my house
I looked down through the
lattice.
7 I saw among the simple,
I noticed among the young men,
a youth who had no sense.
8 He was going down the street near her corner,
walking along in the direction of
her house
9 at twilight, as the day was fading,
as the dark of night set in.
10 Then out came a woman to meet him,
dressed like a prostitute and
with crafty intent.
11 (She is unruly and defiant,
her feet never stay at home;
12 now in the street, now in the squares,
at every corner she lurks.)
13 She took hold of him and kissed him
and with a brazen face she said:
14 “Today I fulfilled my vows,
and I have food from my
fellowship offering at home.
15 So I came out to meet you;
I looked for you and have found
you!
16 I have covered my bed
with colored linens from Egypt.
17 I have perfumed my bed
with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon.
18 Come, let’s drink deeply of love till
morning;
let’s enjoy ourselves with love!
19 My husband is not at home;
he has gone on a long journey.
20 He took his purse filled with money
and will not be home till full
moon.”
21 With persuasive words she led him astray;
she seduced him with her smooth
talk.
22 All at once he followed her
like an ox going to the
slaughter,
like a deer stepping into a noose
23 till an arrow pierces his
liver,
like a bird darting into a snare,
little knowing it will cost him
his life.
24 Now then, my sons, listen to me;
pay attention to what I say.
25 Do not let your heart turn to her ways
or stray into her paths.
26 Many are the victims she has brought down;
her slain are a mighty throng.
27 Her house is a highway to the grave,
leading down to the chambers of
death."
Recently we
talked about Nvidia, whose stock you are following closely. And you heard the
news of the revelation of its founder on Wednesday. It was heart-breaking. You
see how the stock price fell. You saw him resigning or forced to be taken off
as CEO of Nvidia.
My dear Son,
we must not underestimate the danger of temptations. In this fallen world, marriages
will be under attack left, right, center. One day when you give your heart to
the special girl, guard your marriage, cherish her like your dear life and set
up boundary to protect your marriage. This is the way to have a strong, healthy
and happy marriage for life.
Plenty of
ultra-wealthy leaders face the exact same social challenges without having affairs
(Carlos Slim and Soumaya Domit (Grupo Carso), Phil and Penny Knight (Nike), Michael
and Susan Dell (Dell Technologies), Marc
and Lynne Benioff (Salesforce). Amancio Ortega and Flora Pérez (Inditex / Zara),
Bernard Arnault and Hélène Mercier (LVMH), Mukesh and Nita Ambani (Reliance
Industries), etc.). Billionaires
who stay happily married often protect family routines and avoid ego-driven
nightlife.
Lee Kuan Yew and Kwa
Geok Choo maintained their love of early years across five decades, even through
career stress, raising children stress, and serious illness stress.
So how had Lee
Kuan Yew protected his marriage?
How Lee Kuan Yew
Approached Temptation and Discipline
1.
Eliminating
Opportunities Before They Started
Biographers and
colleagues often noted that Lee structured his life with ascetic precision. He
avoided social clubs, late-night parties, alcohol-fueled gatherings, and
unmonitored solo socializing—environments where casual flirtation or emotional
intimacy typically begin.
2.
Human
Nature vs. Self-Mastery: Self-Control as a Core Value
While psychologists
recognize that feeling occasional attraction is a universal human experience
over a 60-year marriage, Lee Kuan Yew’s legacy demonstrates that fidelity is
not about never noticing others—it is about having the self-control and clear
boundaries to never act on it. Lee viewed loyalty, discipline, and keeping his
word as fundamental duties, choosing not to place himself in situations where
temptation could override his values.
3.
Strict
Boundaries Around Personal Time
Despite his demanding
schedule as Prime Minister, Lee fiercely guarded his evenings and family
routines. He made a deliberate habit of having dinner with his wife and
children whenever he was in Singapore, preventing political demands from
completely consuming his home life.
4.
Intense
Personal Discipline and Austerity
Lee held himself to
rigid moral and ethical standards, famously avoiding luxury, nightlife, and
social circles that could invite compromise or distraction. By structuring his
daily routine around work, exercise, and family, he eliminated the environments
where secrecy and temptation typically take root. Because he maintained rigid
daily routines, avoided nightlife, and kept his wife Kwa Geok Choo closely
integrated into his travels and official life, he left virtually no opening for
personal compromise.
5.
Unapologetic
Devotion, Shared Confidences & Complete Emotional Reliance on Kwa Geok Choo
Lee never downplayed
his reliance on his wife in public or private. He openly credited her with
keeping him balanced, editing his speeches, and grounding his
judgment—reinforcing a culture of mutual respect where his loyalty to her was
unmistakable to everyone around him. In his memoirs and speeches, Lee
emphasized that his wife was his sole confidante, intellectual partner, and
emotional anchor. He shared his toughest political dilemmas, anxieties,
and strategic decisions with her, ensuring there was no emotional wall or
secretive second life between them. Because he shared every political burden
and personal thought with her, there was no emotional void for an outside
person to fill.
6.
Monumental
Shared Life Purpose and Mission
Lee Kuan Yew and Kwa
Geok Choo’s marriage endured because they built a profound intellectual
partnership and shared a monumental life mission. Even when Kwa was bedridden
and unable to speak for years after her strokes, Lee remained fiercely devoted
to her.
7.
Enabling
Kwa Geok Choo to be Professionally Engaged
Rather than allowing
their worlds to drift apart as his public stature grew, Lee encouraged Kwa to
maintain her own distinguished legal career at Lee & Lee. Having her own
intellectual sphere kept them connected as peers rather than separating them
into a powerful public figure and an isolated spouse.
8.
Prioritizing
Care Over Duty in Later Years
After Kwa suffered
severe strokes in 2003 and 2008 that left her bedridden and unable to speak,
Lee reorganized his life around her comfort. Regardless of how exhausted he was
from state affairs, he sat by her bedside every night to read her Favorite
poems and talk to her about his day, honouring their marriage and partnership
until her passing in 2010.
9.
Warmth Is a Choice, Not
Just a Phase
The initial falling in love needs not fade
away. Couples who continue:
1.
prioritizing time together,
2.
expressing appreciation, and
3.
protecting their boundaries
can remain affectionate, genuinely sweet
and attentive to one another for decades.
Where to Set
Healthy Boundaries
1.
Walk
Closely with God
“24
Now then, my sons, listen to me; pay attention to what I say.” (Proverb 7:24)
Walk daily closely
with God. Read and hide God’s word in your heart – that is your sword. Humble
yourself and commit to praying to God daily – that is your shield.
2.
Run
Far Far Away From Temptations
Do not linger for a
second. Run, run, far far away from temptation. The Bible tells us to run far
far away and never put ourselves in such a dangerous situation:
7 I saw among the simple,
I noticed among the young men,
a youth who had no sense.
8 He was going down the street near her corner,
walking along in the direction of
her house
9 at twilight, as the day was fading,
as the dark of night set in.
3.
Define
Boundaries Together Early
Every couple has
different comfort levels regarding close friendships, opposite-sex coworkers,
and social media interactions. Discussing and agreeing on clear rules prevents
gray areas from turning into misunderstandings. For example, don’t eat lunch solo
with the opposite sex, don’t drive solo in a car with the opposite sex. When I
went FIBC, an international church in Copenhagen, we went to mission trip to
Poland. My Pastor and I ate dinner separately as he has the agreement with his
wife he will not dine one-to-one with the opposite sex. That is excellent.
Daddy FECS and I also have the same agreement. I will not dine with the
opposite sex one-to-one and he will not as well.
4.
Keep
Friendships Transparent
Healthy friendships
outside a marriage thrive in the open. Introduce colleagues to your spouse,
talk openly about your interactions, and avoid one-on-one late-night messaging
or private meetups.
5.
Never
Vent About Your Marriage to a Potential Crush
Discussing marital
frustrations with an attractive colleague or friend builds false intimacy and
positions them as a sympathetic rescuer. Keep relationship concerns between
you, your partner, or a licensed therapist.
6.
Guard
Workplace and Travel Proximity
High-stress work
projects and business trips naturally create camaraderie. Maintain professional
boundaries by keeping conversations focused on work, avoiding excessive
personal texting outside business hours, and declining one-on-one drinks when
attraction is present.
7.
Notice
Early Crushes and Step Back
Feeling a spark of
attraction for someone outside your marriage is normal, not a moral failing.
Healthy boundaries mean recognizing that spark early and intentionally creating
distance—reducing contact and reinvesting that energy back into your marriage—before
an emotional attachment forms.
May Proverbs 7 always be
your guide in life.
Love,
Mommy
