Friday, 23 August 2013

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In Mourning...

It is done. I have cried over it. I have updated my Linkedin Profile - and it serves as my career obituary.

How funny how my Significant Other has been nudging me for the past 5 years (or since Linkedin started) to update my profile, but I didn't get around to doing it. Most update their profile, when intensifying job search, and here I am, ironically updating my profile as part of the closure and grieving process.

In grieving, I am saying good-bye to a raise that requires working full-time. This temptation has been a big struggle. I might not get another change again, but I will never get back J's golden childhood years.

In grieving, I am officially ending my professional life as a "lion". From today onwards, as a Part-Time Working Mom (PTWM), I will not be competing on equal footing as with others who work full-time, but as a friend of mine puts it, "this is something I accept as part of the package deal."

No, my Linkedin profile is not glorious. I am not any accomplished female CEO or something, but it reflected me, and no matter how small and insignificant it is to others, it is my sweats and time, my hard work and achievements over the past 15 years in my work life.

In doing so, I am learning to let go. I am learning to let go of having a false sense of self-esteem that is defined by my worldly profession.

In learning to let go, I am learning to truely understand the concept that I am created in the image of God and I have value simply because I exist and I am learning to build a self-esteem simply on this fact.

In allowing myself to grieve, I am learning not to get caught up with my career for which I had difficulty prioritizing, but to turn my face towards the goal of motherhood, which is the my highest calling and priority. I cannot serve both. Something must give, and I have made a choice. The Bible says:

"No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money."
(Matthew 6:24)

In grieving, I am allowing my mourning to run its course and turn into joy. I am excited about the journey that I am about take to be able to truely dive deep and learn from other great moms past and present and to immulate them. I count it a privilege. No doubt, I will surely stumble and fall along the way, but I know God will help me through. But I will hold on to God's promise in the Bible:

"The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand."
(Psalm 37: 23-24)

2 comments:

  1. I switched to part time when my baby boy turned 1 year old. I never regret the decision!! What's more important than spending quality time with my darling son?

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  2. Totally agree. I am glad to hear that. It is an encouragement to me. So far, I have thoroughly enjoyed my first couple of weeks of going part-time, especially with J, it has been so rewarding to have more time with him, thus confirming again that my hubby and I have made the right decision. Although on days in the office can be a temptation - all those exciting projects and tangible results, I have to be firm and not be swayed :-)

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