Secret Service
I gleaned so much wisdom from Heaven Not Harvard. Her original post is here.
Your heart will be more blessed doing quiet, secret service for your spouse than it ever is by nagging.
But not nagging and asking nicely isn't good enough if you harbor resentment when your request isn't met. It shows your inner grumble.
When you keep scores – I won’t do this for you because you didn’t do that for me, you will feel resentful. Each check mark against your spouse cements a brick in the wall between the two of you in the marriage.
The key is Secret Service - serving without drawing attention to yourself, quietly doing things for your spouse without being asked, without counting scores. It is about humility
Silently the floor is vacuumed, quietly the dishes are done, the laundry is washed and hanged up, silently his/her empty toothpaste tube gets replaced, his/her breakfast is quietly waiting each morning, his/her coffee is made, and even encouraging him/her to have cave time when his/her week has been frustrating.
To be able to serve and love your spouse well, the secret is to see your spouse as a loved creation of God struggling with his/her own imperfections, flaws and hurts.
Don't see your spouse as someone responsible for filling your heart, it could be his/her heart is so empty, he/she could barely function.
As God pours His grace into your heart through His Word, you will be able to be gracious and begin to fill up your spouse's cup out of the overflow of your own heart.
You will be able to stop feeling resentful and start looking for the next thing you can do for him/her. You will be able to give him/her real attention, listening to his/her needs.
You can serve your spouse secretly, not because you don't want him/her to know, but because you don't need him/her to. God sees what we do in secret.
Once you learn the secret of loving your spouse well, begin your secret service.
Serve with a grateful attitude. As you go about your day, pray over your acts of service to your spouse, saying, "Thank you, Lord, for this opportunity to serve my spouse. Please remind me that all my service is for You ultimately, and is about humility and serving without drawing attention to myself. Thank you, Lord, my spouse is not a soldier deployed in Ukraine."
Pray over his/her day. Pray that his/her day will be enough to face the challenges of whatever he/she is called to do. Pray that his/her heart will be open to see God in his/her day. Pray for him/her to know that I love him/her, and bring him/her home safely.
Choose every day to thank God for those little things that irritate you. You will even be disappointed when he/she remembers to put the dirty laundry into the laundry bin!
Unconditional love is when we serve our spouse without counting the cost or return. Ask God to teach you how to love your spouse unconditionally.
Nothing transforms your marriage more than loving your spouse and expecting nothing in return.
“Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. “Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand knew what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.” (Matthew 6:1-4 ESV)
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