Thursday 18 July 2013


J Summary (4Y4M13D) - Walking Towards Emotional Independence for Both J and Mommy

J pulling his luggage, looking very proud, brave and determined to succeed in not chickening out. He is on his way to stay with farmor (the gracious lady who raised up her son and gave him to me, whom I am forever grateful) and farfar for a night or two in their summer house up north Copenhagen for the first time without us. It is good as without us around, he will get to know farmor and farfar better. It brought back good memories of my childhood staying with my own granny during the school holidays. And it gave Daddy and me a chance for a night out in town for a dinner, movie and strolling hand-in-hand in Tivoli like a carefree young couple again without kid.
Before J left, Daddy and I ran through our lessons, "J, remember to make your own bed, listen to farfar and farmor, hold their hands when walking, do not be demanding..." He listened all in patiently like a very sensible boy, without complaining about our nagging.
The evening before, J had a Montessori lesson in packing his luggage with Daddy, and he really enjoyed packing his luggage. He packed a Chinese book, because he would like to teach his Danish farmor Chinese. He packed Stuart, his teddy-bear. He packed a jigsaw puzzle and a ball. He packed his swimming gear. He packed the Danish dinosaur book to read with farfar. He packed his own camera. I encouraged him to pack his ABC hand-writing book to continue our tradition of doing homework while on vacation, but I don't think he will continue this tradition, since mommy will not be around. But he dutifully packed it in.
This change marked a milestone for him towards indepedence and self-confidence, knowing that he could sleep overnight without mommy and daddy. It will prepare him for the day for school, for the day when he will stay in camp all by himself. It will prepare him for the day as a young man, where he will be leaving us for good as we completed our parenting and give him away to be with the special girl of his dream. We will be very happy for him of course, and we want to prepare him to be the right person for that day.
It is only a good healthy development, but it brought me mixed feelings of tears of joy and nostalgia - nostalgia to his totally dependence babyhood, nostalgia to his very dependence toddlerhood, and nostalgia to his soon-completed-preshoolerhood as he steps into childhood. He is growing up... so fast in the last 4 years. We only have 10-15 years left as parents. I have to treasure it.
Thus, this also marked a milestone for me - my own growth as a mom towards emotional independence, and towards the journey of letting go, step-by-step, day-by-day until the day J is totally independence, able to think and make wise decision that comes from inner motivation. The only way is to allow him to experience and go through time on his own. This is the only way for him to learn. Happily and with nostalgia, I am also going through this learning journey as a mom, while J goes through this journey as a child towards adulthood.
J passed the test for this trip, and mommy and daddy too passed the test for this trip too.

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