Thursday, 28 July 2011


J Summary (2Y4M23D) - Jumpy J...Fretty Mommy

J seems to be more jumpy and not able to sit still compared to how he was 6 months ago. He jumps from one activity to another and gives up easily, at least in my opinion and according to my expectations. He gets bored if the activity is too easy for him, he gets bored if the activity is too challenging for him, he gets bored even if the activity is just right for him!!! It gets rather tiring for me, having to always ask him to settle down, especially when it is bed time.

I looked at him and looked into his face... all the efforts I have tried to increase his attention span, focus skills, determination... they did not seem to work... my heart began to fret and I am filled with doubts... am I doing the right thing? Should I be stricter? Have I been too lenient? Shall I give him more choices? Shall I insist that he finishes that puzzle before moving on to the next toy? Have I provided a sufficiently challenging activity for him... or is it too easy... or too difficult... insecurities overflow my mind...

I prayed, "God, please still my heart. Give me the serenity to accept things I can't change, the courage, determination, energy to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference".

I think to myself, "If J does not attain long attention span... could I accept him and love him as he is....?"

Yes, I will. I will love him as he is, even if he remains so or regresses...

Then I think to myself, "Since it is not making progress, shall I stop working so hard... relax and just let him be... stop trying...."

No, I should not. I should continue to thrive for excellence. I should continue to do my best. If I have done my best for J, and he is how he is, I will live with no regrets, knowing that I have done my best.

No matter how discouraging I sometimes feel... no matter how tiring... and demotivating... I shall not fret. One minute at a time, one day at a time... I will continue to strive hard to build in him a good foundation and a good life habit...

The verdict shall be known in three years... but I shall press on... learn to enjoy the journey... and even if he still proves to be jumping around in three years' time... I have accepted him as he is... no more... no less.... as God has created him.

I look at his face again... I said to myself, "J, mommy accepts you as you are... Mommy will not fret... but mommy will still try to do her best".

Thanking God for stilling my fretting heart.

The Bible says in John 14:27:

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

In parenting, God keeps me praying, humbles me and turns my eyes towards Him each day. In God, I find wisdom and the ability to think straight. In God, He straightens out for us all our confusions... if only we go to Him... to be still before Him...

Oh God, it looks like mommy is also suffering from the short attention span towards You, and You are showing me just how it feels... as a Father, when I jump from one thought to another, without regard for You. I am slowly learning a life's lesson that You are trying to teach me. Thank you for being patient with me. Oh God, how I cannot do without your wisdom, joy, love and peace. Thank you that You are a God of love, joy, peace, wisdom.

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