J Summary (4Y10M22D) - I Don't Want to Grow Up

This morning, J told me, "Mommy, I don't want to grow up."

I asked, "Why?"

J said, "Because if I grow up, Daddy and you will grow old. And if you grow old, you will die, and I will be very sad. I don't want you to die and be no more. I don't want to not be able to see you again. So if I don't grow up, you won't grow old. If you won't grow old, you won't die."

With a heavy heart kept to myself, I mustered enough cheerfulness and light-heartedness, stroked his hair, hugged him tight, smiled and said, "Oh silly boy, you are so sweet, but you will grow up. And mommy hopes that you will grow up into a fine young man."

I tried to explain to him that when we die, although our bodies are dead, but our souls live forever. We need to know God and be with God living happily ever after in heaven.

J asked, "What is soul?"

I tried to explain that our body is a shell, a home for our soul on this earthly home. But we won't need our body in our heavenly home. And Daddy, Mommy, J and God will one day be together forever, never separate again.

I thought of my own mum. At a tender age, I told my mum the same thing. I told her too that I didn't want to grow up, because I didn't want her to grow old. I wondered what went through her mind then.

It is a hard topic. I wrestled with God. I cried my heart to Him.

Oh God, why do you allow death to take place that makes all happiness on earth so temporal? I want to beg, cry and plead with God for everlasting life on earth. But no one has ever done it before. From time memorial, every human dies. Even the Emperor who was in search of the exlir eventually died. Money cannot buy eternal life.

I know why God would not grant us this request.

If life on earth is so good and we live forever, we will never ever think of God, give reverence to God and surrender our lives to God. We will be too proud. Afterall, who needs God, if we all have everlasting life on earth?

It is a hard fact and painful journey in life as J at 4.5 years old is beginning to realize about life and death. But with God, we can find true joy, peace, hope and meaning in our short sojourn here on earth.

Yet God conquered sin and showed His love towards us by conquering death, bringing us close to Him with eternal life, for those who accepts God and give God our lordship.

I take comfort from this verse from the Bible:

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever belives in Him shall never die, but have everlasting life." John 3:16

And growing up, boy, is J growing! At 4.5 years old, J is growing strength to strength, physically. He is soon not too far behind mommy. J said to me, "Mommy, boys are stronger than girls. Mommy, soon I will be taller than you."

J wants to freeze time. I want to freeze time.

But indeed, J is growing up and we are growing older. And it has given us joy.

And truly I hope that he will grow up into a sensible adult, knowing God, contributing to society and able to help the weak.

Life - it sums up as follows:

"...here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man." - Ecclesiastes 12:13

May God help us to be thankful for what we have, grant us long and healthy lives into our old age, the joy to enjoy our current lives and the courage to approach the eventual ending of life with love, joy, peace and hope.