Monday, 7 February 2011

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But He Isn't Romantic!

Below are some wise counsels from a blog (http://www.thestayathomemissionary.com/2008/12/but-he-isnt-romantic.html)
which is about to end and be deleted (which I am very sad about). They are not my own words, but words which I find very wise in our marriage. I hope it will bless yours too:

What to do when you find that your spouse is not as romantic as you like him or her to be?

1. Turn your eyes upon Jesus

Find your love and security in Christ and your relationship with Him. It may sound cliche, but I have found that as long as I am looking to Dave (or any human) to meet my needs I will disappointed. We need to fix our eyes on Jesus and finding our identity in Him, and not look for human love to complete us.

2. Get your eyes off of yourself (and onto your spouse)

I'm not even talking about submission here (although that is certainly a part of it), I am talking about having a servant's heart. The true love as described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 isn't talking about how we can get love from someone else, but how we can give it away.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."

This is true sacrificial love, not looking to what it can get, but to what it can give. Leslie Ludy says this in her book Set-Apart Femininity:

"Many modern messages for women urge us to look out for ourselves. They say we shouldn't become so busy meeting other's needs that we forget to meet our own. But what does Christ say? 'Take no thought for your life' (Matthew 6:25KJV). And 'whoever will be the greatest among you, will be the servant of all' (see Mark 10:44)."

Of course, we need the Holy Spirit to fill us with His strength and power to even begin to be able to get our eyes off of ourselves. As it says in Philippians 2:3, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves."

3. Look at what he is doing

I know for myself, I even have to be careful about what books I read on the topic of marriage. If my husband is doing a million things right, but I read in some marriage book about one thing he isn't doing, my tendency is to focus on the thing he isn't doing, thereby missing all the wonderful things I already have.

Men show their love and affection in many different ways. Are there things that he is doing to show love to you that you overlook?

Here are some questions to get you started thinking:

- Does he go to work every day?
- Does he keep a roof over your head?

I could list a whole bunch more, but then it would be like the marriage books I talked about. My goal isn't to make you discontent, but more aware of the things that he does do. And remember, husbands will show love and affection in many different ways. One husband might show his love by making sure that the trash is taken out, while another may keep the finances and check book up to date. Look for the little things that your husband does to show his love, and appreciate them.

4. Be appreciative of his romantic efforts

When your husband tries to be romantic or show his love, no matter how small, appreicate it! I have a rather embarrasing tale to tell on this subject. About a month ago, my husband was late coming home from work (only by about 15 minutes). Well, instead of keeping a quiet heart, I chose to get upset. I was highly annoyed when he finally walked in, and hardly even noticed the parcel he was carrying. He smiled and showed me the reason for his tardiness, a bag of ice cream cones from the store (a real treat for the whole family). In my annoyed mood all I said was, "Oh, thanks."

Well, needless to say, sweet Dave was disppointed at my less-than-excited response. Here he had done something sweet for me, and I didn't even appreciate it. I know that it is things like this that will make him think twice before wanting to do something sweet again. Don't be like me! Appreciate what your husband does for you!

5. Be an Encourager!

One sure way to squelch a man's romantic love for you is to put him down. So, ask yourself the question, "Is there anything that I do or say to my husband that would make him shy away from loving me romantically?"

Here are a few things:

- Have you ever pointed out to others changes in your husbands apperance (even in a joking way)? Examples...hair thinning, going gray, putting on weight.

- If you work (and you happen to make more than your husband) have your ever pointed out the differences in your salaries to others?

- Have you every made fun of your husbands' character or personality either alone or to others?

The opposite of these things, of course, would be to build your husband up by encouraging the things that you see in his life....yes, even physical things! Don't be afraid to encourage your husband on his big muscles, his amazing mind for numbers, or the patient way he dealt with the cranky neighbor.

As we each seek to surrender our lives to the Holy Spirit and die to our flesh, we will see amazing fruit. God longs for us to bring Him our troubles, our needs, and our pains, and we should. And then, as we are fully satisfied in Him, we can serve others without looking at what we are or aren't getting. Our goal in our marriage should be how we can best serve the other. And another quote from Set-Apart Femininity,

"When it comes to marriage, don't fight to protect yourself or constantly analyze whether your husband is meeting all your needs. The only thing you need to carefully protect is your daily time in Christ's presence. As you follow the example of Christ and pour out your life for your husband, you will discover a greater joy than any amount of self-focus could ever bring."

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