Below are some wise counsels from a blog which is about to end and be deleted (http://www.thestayathomemissionary.com/2008/02/time-for-change-3-blessing-our-husbands.htm). They are not my own words, but words which I find very wise in our marriage:
Two major challenges
There are two major challenges that can be a stumbling block to loving our spouses, and behind these two challenges are basically our attitude and mind set:
1. Unachievable Expectations
We have expectations of our spouses that are unspoken and virtually unacheivable. These are things that we should be looking to God for, not our spouses. And when we have these expectations and they are unmet, I become "Miss or Mr grumpy".
2. Getting easily hurt
We need to find our acceptance in God alone. Too many times we are quick to become defensive, hurt, or angry because we have a filter that we look through. That filter is that we are not acceptable, beautiful, or capable of being loved. When we look through this filter, our spouses' comments and actions get distorted, and we become too easily hurt (and angry).
How? Change our attitude and our perception
1. Putting our spouses first
After our relationship with the Lord, the first person in our lives we should seek to bless is our spouses. We can't get it backwards. Our spouses must come before the kids. It can be difficult to make time to make your spouse a priority in the midst of managing chaos if you have kids, but it is where we are to start.
2. Be patient and entrust our spouses to God
Our spouses may be difficult to love at times, but when we see our spouses as sinners like ourselves - sinners in need of God's grace and mercy - it strips away any intolerant, critical, or demanding attitude we may be tempted to have. Every spouse has areas he/she needs to change and grow, but so do we!
When you feel yourself getting irritated, say to yourself, "I do not see the whole picture. I do not know what God is doing in my life or my spouse's life. My critical attitude is a far graver sin than his bad habits. And, as far as I'm concerned, it is God's business to direct my spouse and convict him/her. I am trusting God."
We are called to love our spouses in Titus 2, and then in 1 Corinthians 13, we are given a list of what love is.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
Some practical ways to show love:
A reminder of some practical way of loving our spouse suggested by the blog and also my best friend Jannie:
1. Every day for one week, to write down something that you are thankful for about your spouse.
2. Each day, speak a word of kindess to your spouse.
3. Plan and cook one special meal that you know your spouse will love!
Here are links to two messages from Carolyn Mahaney on this topic:
http://www.sovereigngracestore.com/ProductInfo.aspx?productid=A1145-02-51
http://www.sovereigngracestore.com/ProductInfo.aspx?productid=A1145-07-51
The Bible says:
"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with one another and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." - Colossians 3:12-14
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12: 1-3
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