Joshua is growing up so fast... with a blink of an eye... from a helpless baby, he is now a smiling, jumping, running, talking and laughing 2.5 years old big boy (which he calls himself). He would sing, kiss and hug, kiss and hug, kiss and hug, kiss and hug us. He JUST wants to be with us. It is a very cute period and God through him has brought us so much joy which no money could buy. Yet I am fully conscious of the fact that the "door of childhood closes really fast, and no power on earth can open that door of childhood again". The day will come so soon when Joshua would leave home. We MUST treasure these precious time period.
Yet I am again standing at crossroad and struggling hard with a decision. If I choose this path and do get it, it would mean that I have made progress professionally. It will require more of my time and energy as with it brings more responsibilities and issues to attend to each day.
It would most likely steal time away with Joshua, at least mentally to be present with him, because as author Rob Parsons best put it, "You can run several agendas in life, but you cannot run them all at a 100% without somebody paying the price. (And it is usually) those around us whom we love (who) pay the real cost."
Reality-bites... the truth is that there is trade-off in life: if you choose to do this, you will not be able to do that. No one can have it all. Not even the most talented person on earth. Not even the late Apple CEO Steve Jobs, with all due respect due to him. He devoted all his time and life and made legendary achievements with Apple which blessed the whole world, but he had also paid a very high price in that he had to give up much precious time which he could otherwise spend with his children who grew up without seeing much of him. Steve Jobs counted the cost, and he went for the Apple of his life.
The current Prime Minister of Denmark is a woman. She is a mom of two pre-teen girls. Her all important and crucial role as the Prime Minister of Denmark demands a lot of her time, as in her hands lie the livelihood of 5 million people. But it will certainly challenge the amount of time she could devote to her daughters as a mother. She too had counted the cost, and went for the Apple of her life - to serve as the Prime Minister of Denmark.
The sober truth is: If you want to achieve this, you would not be able to achieve that. Therefore, choose wisely and selectively what you want to achieve in life.
What is the Apple of my life? What do I really want? What is really important? Can I do with less? Certainly. Do I need to be someone higher up in the professional hierarchy in order to feel that I have progressed in life, instead of just being Joshua's mom? Do I honestly feel that motherhood is the highest calling and the most meaningful calling?
The poem below was originally written for dads applies equally well to busy working moms, and is a sobering food-for-thought for me:
My child arrived just the other day,
He came to the world in the usual way.
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay.
He learned to walk while I was away.
And he was talking before I knew it, and as he grew,
He'd say, "I'm gonna be like you, Dad.
You know I'm gonna be like you."
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
"When you coming home, Dad?" "I don't know when,
But we'll get together then.
You know we'll have a good time then."
My son turned 10 just the other day.
He said, "Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let's play.
Can you teach me to throw?" I said, "Not today,
I got a lot to do." He said, "That's okay."
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed,
Said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah.
you know I'm gonna be like him."
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
"When you coming home, Dad?" "I don't know when,
But we'll get together then.
You know we'll have a good time then."
Well he came home from college just the other day,
So much like a man I just had to say,
"Son, I'm so proud of you, can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head and said with a smile.
"What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys.
See you later, can I have them please?"
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
"When you coming home, Dad?" "I don't know when,
But we'll get together then.
You know we'll have a good time then."
I've long since retired, my son's moved away.
I called him up just the other day.
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind."
He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I can find the time.
You see my new job's a hassle, and the kids got the flu,
But it's sure nice talking to you, Dad.
But it's sure nice talking to you, Dad.
It's been nice talking to you."
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me,
He'd grown up just like me.
My boy was just like me.
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
"When you coming hom, Dad?" "I don't know when,
But we'll get together then.
You know we'll have a good time then."
The Bible says:
"Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." - Psalm 90:12
"... become mature... Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching..." - Ephesian 4:13-14
Oh dear God, how I struggle so very often again and again, being tossed and turned by every wind. By your mercy and grace, help me to be mature and wise. Teach me to number my days so as to make the most out of the life you have given me. May I learn to make a wise and right decision. Help me to have the determination to follow through with my decision once made.
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