Sunday 9 March 2014


J Summary (5Y0M5D) - What a Week!

Last week, I have been leaving the home to my Significance Other, focusing on my exam - which will be great for my secular career. I have buried myself in textbooks and written assignment, until I handed it up on Friday.

My Significant Other had been a great help. At least there was someone to attend to J, for which I was really grateful.

But the result from the last few days...

J chose whether he would like to eat dinner or play with iPad. J chose to go to bed at 10pm. J chose to skip piano practise. J chose to skip doing homework. J chose to eat the full packet of M&M chocolates. Leaving J to Daddy was no different to leaving J to the domestic maid (if I may be allowed to use the Singapore lingo). J got all he wished, because after a full day's work, Daddy was too tired to insist on routine and exercise his authority, nor did he have enough time spent on building the relationship to exercise the authority. And my mind was too preoccupied on my exam and work. I too was too tired to insist on any standards or routine. I didn't have the time and energy to supervise J.

After a few days of total freedom, J was heady and all the sensibilities was almost gone. Came in the tantrums, the whining, the demands, the I Want This and I Want It Now attitude. A total lack of obedience.

I am now back after my exam... and the routine is back to normal, but boy, it was uphill to regain lost territories.

There are more power struggles and every simple request is a negotiation - I was drained. After being detached with him for a few days, I didn't have the relationship that would come with yes to my request. Everything is met with no.

It reminded me of why some parents are also doing what we were doing for the last few days. My friend whose kid was from the other Chinese class told me some kids were standing on the desks during class, and could not understand why the parents present in class did not intervene. On top of that, they requested the Chinese teacher to slow down the class, because their kids could not follow. I could understand why those parents did not say a word. Because Discipline takes A GREAT DEAL OF ENERGY - energy that I didn't have last week. It is something that modern parents both working full-time are not able to give. Boy, was I glad that J was not from that class!

I am even more convinced of this principle - things left to its own degenerate - including humans and children.

Unless you have a super self-motivated child, children left on their own without supervision will choose pleasures and will rot into a homeless and useless person when he is grown, capable only of indulging thesemselves in easy pleasures such as watching TV at best, and at worse... I don't even want to think of it! And not many are blessed with a super self-motivated child and I have just realized from last week experience that I am unfortunately not an exception.

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